Reinventing myself: another midlife crisis /// How to live a guilt free life for destroying the Earth
Are midlife crisis more common to women then men? Are they hormonal based? And what to do to overcome them? So strange questions, I have no idea what to answer to this actually. 
This is my first post after one month of steemit break. So why have I been so long away? Actually, I was away from computer life. I was in THE PRESENT. Have barely touched the computer in the last month (just a bit of crypto security, some jazz and seinfeld).
I remember reading on #ecotrain tag about a brother who did this experiment with staying with NO INTERNET for one month!
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Jeez! My hero! I have no physical addictions, no tobacco, cafe or stuff. But i am addicted to the INTERNET! Which is not necessary a bad thing... if you use it good. But I misuse it. Anyway. One day I am gonna take the challenge to go INTERNET-free for one week. My plastic free week was piece of cake comparing to this new challenge :)
But not today! Not tomorrow. Just Inshallah :)
If you feel you are enlightened go spend a week with your family
Do you remember that way of saying? If you feel you are en lighted go spend a week with your family? :) Well, I am doing this at this very present moment. And I am far from enlightenment. Nor will I ever want to be :) I just want to be a joyful person. Well, my mum and dad and sister and her bf came for a visit to my unconventional life-style. You know, the living in the country side, with solar panels, outside toilet, raining house, climbing mountains and walking on dirt tracks. AND THEY LIKED IT! I felt a bit more socially accepted as a hippie that my heart chose to be. But being with them, I can feel myself more angry and frustrated then ever, but I try to analyze from a different perspective the family dynamics and try not to react to it. Just to observe how the frustration comes and to try to change the reaction, in order to change the pattern.
My family meets my off grid life
My parents are together for 35 years now. I always saw them as a happy example. Happily ever after type. Were they real happy? Well, they DO fight a lot for all the minor things, but somehow they managed to survive the fighting and the daily crush and they are on this journey together. I come from a religious ex communist country, where off course there is not such thing as a divorce (such a new concept!). And still. People are still into this.
And look at us. Look at them. They have 2 daughters - 30 and 33 with whom they spend a week holiday. We are not in harmony, but we manage to survive and keep us together. Is somebody in harmony? Who know, not me, we never lost control. You are face to face with the man who sold the world.
I missed writing. So this will be just a post with no subject, just a flowing one.
###Reinventing myself
What did I did in one month?
I STARTED EATING MEAT! After 10 years. WHY? Because in life it is good not to get stuck in your principles and not to induct barriers and limits in our lives. That's why! Maybe it sounds weird and God knows who will read this. But I started eating MEAT for my own freedom. For the freedom of my mind, not for the pleasure. And to stop feeling SO GUILTY that I destroy the Earth by being.
You know guys, and I am sure you do. Because if you are here, we are alike. Being conscious it is such a hard job.... Taking the red pill is no way back... Getting out of the Cave like in Plato's myth... No return.
I FEEL GUILTY FOR DESTROYING THE PLANET. And I can not stop it. I try not to use plastic, I do.
I am driving. Diesel kills us all.
I was a vegetarian for the animals not to suffer. They suffer anyway.
I was using nappies (50% of the time).
I am polluting the Earth so much! ME, The Purple Moon that is so conscious and loves mama earth so much. Me, The Purple Moon that LOVES life on Earth so much. I just keep on destroying the Earth.
In vain is to diminish our foot print. The best thing we can do for our Earth and for the goodness for Pacha Mama is to suicide. But I love life, so what could I do? I am always living in a paradox and a continuous dilemma.
I can not enjoy the simple pleasures (like eating a chocolate bar for ex) without thinking that I killing the Earth.
Another day. Another midlife crisis
So let's try. I have half of life left (inshallah!). The Earth is dying anyway. Me I am going anyway. I would experiment a new self. New values, new principles, new loves, new me. Why not? Reinventing myself.
I must pass through a middle age crisis. My birth day is coming soon. There is a big shock for me when I am thinking TIME IS RUNNING OUT! You see the end of the LINE? DEATH! NOTHING! or something? NOTHING or SOMETHING. Who cares? Game is over, friends. The only thing we know for sure is that THIS IS THE LIFE. Maybe there is after life. Maybe there are more lives. There are only presumptions. But we know for sure that we are alive. So let's make the best of it. Like reinventing ourselves.
What I never did and I would experiment is having performances. I am SO SHY. Inferior complex shyness. I would love to dance like nobody is watching in front of everybody. I would love to write love letters to myself more often. I would love to go to Heaven more times before I live Earth.
Writing is my therapy
So tonight I am listening to Flamenco, staying with a white screen and a keyboard and thinking of our mortality (i must think of it a few times a week).
So that's it. I really missed writing. But hell yeah, life in the real life is so good! Now I am gonna leave you and I am gonna check one by one what you were doing in this month!
Happy Spring ladies and gentlemen! May you have Sun in your Heart, if there is not on the Sky! May you blossom and shine that you become contagious.
.....
Anyone who knows me, should learn to know me again; For I am like the Moon, you will see me with new face everyday. Rumi
That was nice. I like that people will just be honest sometimes with themselves and share that bit of honesty. Suicide is not going to fix the world or make it a better place, and it will never solve a perceived problem but will cause real problems.
I see you mention 30 and 33, so guessing that is the "mid-life crisis age. Sorry, everyone in the world has lied to you, so I think I will lie to you too. You have just discovered you are "Mortal", is that a good lie or what? It was about that age I learned i was no longer Immortal, that yes I was mortal, I felt pain, I felt loss, I felt well like a lot of people at that age, I felt Mortal. The thrill of being Immortal was over, gone, done, finito.
Now a little bit of truth, but only a little bit, because I think I am still learning and always will be. When you get to your late 50's, you realize it was all a lie. You realize that you really are immortal, that when you leave someone somewhere will miss something you had to say, will miss you, and that you will be remembered. Life is not about learning to grow old gracefully from the day you were born, it isn't about learning to live either. We know how to live. We know what we need to live. As I approach my 59th year what I have learned it is life is not about any of those things above. For me life has been a journey of growth of growing into life, of no longer crawling around on the floor, but of standing up, and growing, not growing up, but growing and nurturing life. My life, my wife's life, family life, friends life, and the most important the life of my spirit and my soul.
Write, and set your spirit and soul free, let them grow, help them grow, help the people around you grow. Mother Earth is a big girl, we as a people will help her heal as we realize when we hurt her, and we will grow. As we grow our spirits, and our souls, as we help each other grow, we will help Mother Earth grow also. Have a wonderful day, and may the light of the moon shine softly upon you as you sleep the sleep of dreams to be and dreams to come.
My dear @bashadow I am so glad that you discovered this article. I was not sure if I should resteem at first but I was hoping for more comments and understanding about @purplemoon’s feelings.
You know well why and what I write and your words completed my thoughts, after I was finished reading. A deeply touching post like this could never be written by robots :) ..........if you both know what I mean....
Beautifully said!
🧡
I saw your resteem, I have been very busy with trying to help onboard new users with votes and comments, and let them know yeah, there are a few people that will help the new user, so I go and vote and comment. Then I thought it had been a little bit since I checked my feed, and I saw your resteem. Thank you for that, and the nice comment above.
thank you both guys for adopting new users fallen from the moon! So much appreciated your support and the honest words! xxx xxx xxx :)
thank you so much for your thoughts and feelings @bashadow! So beautiful written and touched me where they need to be. You know, in my community island where we live, I am surrounded by people that are your age. And I see them having more and more fun then the "30 year old people". They really live like they will gonna die tomorrow.
Maybe one day I will realize the immortality (again). It all goes in waves as I saw until now. For me now, life is just about breaking down the self inducted patterns and free myself from my own-limits.
To be remembered or not, I don't know. I see that although I am the youngest in the family, I am the only one who speaks about death with the others. Not afraid to say it out load.
Mother Earth is a big girl :) I loved this line. I somehow know it subconsciously, as I feel Her spirit. But what I feel we are doing know is just hurting her physical body... Mama Earth will somehow always go on, maybe on a another form.
Thank you so much again @bashadow for your visit on my virtual purple space. :) You are very much appreciated! Lots of love! :)
My kind of topic ...I will catch a sleep, wake up and see if that crisis is gone by then 😂🙈🙈 Since Meno Pause it doesn’t seem to vanish anymore but I figured out how to laugh about it.
my mum had the meno pause at 53, so for me, is a life away this subject... or i avoid as much as i can. now my crisis are concerned on the rapidity of the growing wrinkles :))
Live in the tropics with 80% humidity and you will be just fine hehhee:)
Don’t worry too much about those lines of life before 60 🙈
my job is hand made cosmetics! How can i sell this anti age beauty products if i look like a grandma already? is THE SUN to blame. I live in a all year sunny paradise (unfortunately)
You sound Californian! Humidity is the key. I lived in Bali for 16 years. Somehow I kept “fresh” there. Dry heat is the killer here in Vienna at winter time
alright! thank you for the correction :) i was reinventing also the word to reinvent :))) we live in south of spain, not california :) i will analyze the humidity key, at least in some parts of the body to stay young :))
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