I miss my feelings
My life was good until my 9 years, then everything changed, things happened and I changed a lot. Now I'm stolid, indifferent, severe. I'm only 17 years old and I have the desire to die right now.
Autism? It's a possibility. Depression? Of course.
I'm not poor, I don't have a hard life, even so, I hate every fucking second I'm alive. Why? I don't fucking know, I have loved, laughed, enjoyed. I was happy. Now I'm prisoner of myself and I don't have nobody that would understand me, I'm not a person people like to have around, but superficially I'm regular.
I'm in a 4 year relationship, even so, I don't feel the same as the beginning, I'm not facing difficulties and nothing is wrong, I just feel nothing.
In some ocasions it's very good to not have feelings, but I'm tired of it, actually, I'm bored, nothing pleases me. My life is a boring routine, an empty routine. Day after day I feel the void growing inside me, and I fear that someday he will consume my very last humanity.
What has changed in your diet?
What's your blood type?
Seriously, the food supply in the USA is tainted with drugs that affect attitude, logic and mood control. I would be very surprised to find you in this condition with nothing but a clean food supply, for your blood type.
Set and work toward positive, worthwhile goals. Happiness is not a destination, it's the feeling you get while you pursue these goals and make progress.
Keep it Clean!
TheCleanGame Blog Posts, Neatly Categorized
Break up with the GF, shave your head to zero, and join a proper weightlifting gym.
StartingStrength or Stronglifts5x5 are good beginner routines you may want to consider. The gym is your new church, attendance is mandatory. Think about how you're feeling now, and then think: "I'd rather fucking die than miss a day in the gym."
The Iron by Henry Rollins, a Reading and Inspiration