Bob Marley

One of the things that I'm sorry about is that I did not write a year summary in 2015. Instead, I wrote a summary of the five years before, what led to what, who I was in each of them and how I thought I had finished and actually actually finished some amorphous process that started when I started to study and moved to Jerusalem and started to live somewhere outside my parents' home. I'm sorry about that because there are a lot of things I've forgotten and would like to read, a lot of things that happened this year. I and Galit became friends, I moved to the apartment where I live now, and Sharon and I started to go out, things that interested me to know what I thought about them then. I wrote it because I'd probably like to know about the year, or about the months I'm not writing here but about my other secret blog, which is different. I decided that there were things I wanted to do, and that was it. Although there are very few people here I know, I did not feel that I could really be free. This feeling passed. I have to go on vacation. I am building the foundations for the personality I will have in five years. Studying new tricks. At our last meeting I spoke with Osnat about my relationship with Sarah then and today and I said a sentence that was stored inside me long ago and I waited for it to pass: I have been so bored in the last three years, so boring you do not understand how much. It was such a relief that I immediately said it again. She said, you learned to get something out of your life but it's vital to your sense of being. I said, I really do not feel alive. Here's exactly the kind of thing I do not want to write here. So if I'm going to continue:

I'm in the process of separating from all sorts of things that happened to me four years ago. It's a process that started to happen on its own, the glaciers are melting at the poles and I'm not going to melt inside. Although the things I release from them come from painful, sometimes heartbreaking places, I get used to them. They're part of me. I got used to the place they perceive in me and my life like a guard you tell him good morning, and I thought they were there to stay. That even at the age of forty some time when I try to sleep my brain will return to these places, the benches I sat on four years ago, the clothes I wore, the things I did, and miss. A few months ago they packed themselves and disappeared like the beginning of a flight thriller, and I stayed with a lot of space. Not even a lot. When I and Sarah left the apartment in Washington she stood in the middle of her empty room and said, I always thought he was bigger. My first reaction was to cry for a week. I went to Galit and wept. She told me, but why are you crying, you wanted it to happen for a long time, and I told her that it was, it was over. Then came all kinds of solid truths that seemed to be quiet and industrious systems in my body working on while I walked forward. Things that were articulated were clear and sharp and made me feel easier. For instance - some of the things I miss were based on lies. Not a bad lie, not a lie someone told me to stick pins at me, a lie in the simple, dry sense of untruth. And, too, I believed in things I had no faith in. And at the same time: these were beautiful moments and I did not care about what they were based on. This love, as they say in the only beautiful part of the movie Adaptation, was mine. Looking at the past with compassion is the last nail in his grave. Unfortunately and unfortunately. I begin to recognize my memory and realize that he is a big flatter, a fat gay. I remember the things that happened to me once according to what I want, and those memories that I have kept and saved will probably be lost until I have a few pictures left. I write it here, as I wrote at first apparently, to remember. I want to respect them. It's rare that you feel part of you dries up and falls, And in 2015 I was so excited that it happened that I did not record it and unfortunately I do not remember the process. I only remember that within a few weeks I was who I am today. So the pictures I remember are: On the Eitan cliff, I and Meital sat on a bench in the Meir Garden. We told stories and smoked cigarettes like we did for a while. In the middle an alarm began. I just rolled a cigarette and walked into the proud center as I picked up my stuff and put it in my bag. Meital, who got up and ran in, yelled at me angrily and said, "Why did not you want a song? What are you too cool?" It was a distillation of all our contacts at that point. This sentence contained me and her whole and it killed me with laughter. I remember it made me laugh that I did not laugh, I just felt something inside me open. I felt, then of course the head of a pin that I was looking at in his resonance now, that I knew someone really, and she knew me really, so I really was not alone. People say it to each other all the time but some are already coming out to feel it. Then I went into the bathroom and I got a pee and the cold in the building was nice and everyone came in and smiled in embarrassment and I thought, that's exactly what I wanted when I was seven and the world seemed chaotic and threatening to me, that's exactly what I wanted, that lesbians with children would smile at me and national situations In love with someone who really knows me and I really know her, and build on my personality bridges that my parents are not on any end of them, like smoking cigarettes and sunning without sunscreen and the waiter and hating it, that's exactly what I wanted all along, thank God. I wanted to write more beautiful moments but really there is no need. Everything I was looking at seemed less alive than this moment when all the stars got along and there was an alarm in the Meir Garden and everyone ran inside and I was in love and felt smooth and felt like someone I always wanted to be. For a long time I wore those moments on me like a vest. I memorized them, brushed them every morning, smeared them with wax, I felt like someday I'd be back in this person and have to recover from the last stop. What's really terrible about the mules is that they're not sad. Sadness comes from gaps, when things are still with you but not in their complete form. They are with you in reality but not in the heart, with you in the heart but not in reality. When things really leave it does not matter. You're still with space and think, How beautiful I really wanted to buy a new sofa. From me Yair Lapid. See you at the end of the year