Why is this so hard???
If you don't enjoy posts looking for help, please skip on by. It feels as though I have weights in my fingers while I am typing this and I know I have a problem. My problem is that it is extraordinarily difficult for me to ask for help. What has spurred me into action though is I need to ease my husband's stress, and for that I am just going to have to risk the muscle strain typing with weights on my fingers will cause. (Yes, yes humour is a defense mechanism!)
I am not looking for donations, my problems seem so minor compared to others. I would appreciate upvotes and resteems more than you could know. As regular readers of my blog know we have been struggling with our small business since 2008. We were sucked into the easy credit of the years prior to 2008, and after the shit hit the fan, we have been left picking up the pieces ever since.
(I really didn't know what kind of picture to use in a post like this???!!!)
Our small secondhand shop and online sales does make enough money to support us, but the debt always looms over us, and since we are in retail, a few quiet months (or even days) can be disastrous as we fall behind quickly. We are slowly shedding our debt and Steemit has helped a bit in this regard, for which I am so grateful it is difficult to put in words. I have been a consistent contributor to Steemit since late July 2016, but I have never hit the trending page, or even the hot page much. That's okay, as my posts will not appeal to everybody and I understand that. The slogan "come for the money, but stay for the community" is perfectly relevant in my case. Additionally for me, Steemit has become an outlet for my feelings and budding artistic (haha again) tendencies.
I have learnt to cope with my stress (mostly) over the last 10 years. I have had to. I nearly died 10 years ago and had to learn to change my coping methods in order to prevent, um, a recurrence. My pain at this moment is seeing the immense strain on my husband's face. We have a huge debt to pay by the end of the week and we are not sure if we are going to make it. This has put all thoughts of Christmas on hold, even though my sister from overseas is visiting for the first time in 10 years. I still need to organise food and a few small presents too and have no idea how I am going to do that.
My husband is a special gentle and quite charismatic person who works extraordinarily hard. He feels emotions so deeply and stress affects him desperately. As each day passes I can see the signs of strain etched in his face. I can feel his energy diminishing, and I feel helpless. He is busy with the massive job of moving everything out of our house to the new business premises and although he is 51 years old he is physically very strong, but the mental strain is leeching that strength. We have been together since 1989 and he is my soulmate. It is time for me to look after him right now.
We have an appalling credit record, though we have managed to avoid defaulting completely on anything for 10 years. For this reason my husband had to borrow money from a private person, and the stress of not being able to pay that person at the end of the week is unbelievable. We owe him R20 000 ($1570) and will probably be able to raise R8000 - R10 000 of that amount in the shop, though yesterday and today have been worryingly quiet. The value of SBD makes this a little more achievable at the moment. I sold 20 SBD yesterday which provided me with R3000, but I had to use that money for an account. It is for this reason I am asking for upvotes and resteems. I realise the payout for this article will only come next week, but I am hoping to lend money against the payout. It is all I can think of.
Now, why is this so hard??? I know why, I think. I am the maternal figure in the family. I am a mom and I look after everyone. I have 3 amazing children, who are the most content and unspoilt children, though they are given few luxuries, and I have never taken them for a holiday, ever. We haven't gone away in 14 years. I am the maternal figure to our staff, especially as they have all worked for us for periods of 8 years - 20 years. I am the oldest of 3 siblings, and I am fiercely protective of my brother and sister. My parents also stay with me, who I jointly financially support with my sister, even though it is very difficult to afford. I am the rock in friendships.
I am the helper.
I think this is the root of my problem, and yes it is a problem, because I need to go that extra step to help my family. I am not ashamed of not having material goods, or even holidays, though I feel bad for my kids. I think it is important we share our suffering so that others can know they are not alone. This time it is me, asking for help in the form of resteems and upvotes.
If you have read this far, then thank you.
@onetree
I of all people know how hard life can hit you. Hang in there. Think of every legal way to make money.
Tap into your creative part of your mind. Do everything you possibly can and God will do the rest.
This is an awesome community. Helping me put food in my mouth since June 2017. :)
My upvote aint worth poop, but Im going to give it, along with a nice juicy resteem.
Hang in there. Do not give up! No matter how hard life gets. When life knocks you down, you get back up!
Don't ever stay down. I have faith in you.
Thank you @iamnotageek I really appreciate your inspirational words! I am glad Steemit is helping you too.
Hello @onetree. I saw your post in a resteem from @karenb54. It certainly sounds as if you are going through some bad times at the moment and asking for help is definitely the right thing to do. I have followed you, upvoted you and resteemed. As someone who has gone through troubled times myself may I offer you some advice? Apart from what you have written in your post I obviously don't know your situation but it seems as if your husband is reaching a breaking point. If at all possible he should seek some medical help with regard to his mental health. I suffer from depression and medication is the only way I can effectively handle it. I overworked and found myself in many stressful situations and thought I was handling things well. That was until one day when I just broke. I became so bad that ending my life seemed a viable option. Now, I'm not saying that your husband is like that or ever will be but things can happen fast and seeking help now may be a wise choice. You also need to think of yourself. You are taking on a massive load at the moment and it will be taking a toil. Try and take a little time for yourself if you can, even if it is only a half hour in a bubble bath or some such. You are no good to anyone if you are broken, so be a little selfish and make some me time.
I hope I have not been too presumptuous. Wishing you all the very best.
I have seen a similar thing happen to my wife. Stress really is a silent killer. My wife has been highly stressed for years and up until about 2 month's ago she simply reached that breaking point. She can't drive anymore since she gets anxiety/pannick attacks, she's had pannick attacks at work and is still trying to recover.
The point is, as you've stated above, that it all reaches that breaking point, without any clear warning signs, then it is too late.
Yes, I do believe stress is at the root of many of our problems. We live in a society where we are surrounded by stressors constantly. I, like you, just want to see the people around me not just survive, but be happy sometimes. But sometimes you find yourself in a situation which makes it impossible for a while. I hope you wife is receiving help? I know it doesn't work for everybody, but yoga helped me more than anything else to cope with daily life. Thank you for your comment and I send my love and prayers to your wife.
We're working through it all, trying out a few different approaches. At least she will be at home for the next 6 month's. Finished off on the 15th so that has already been a major relief. Unfortunately we were just to late to avoid the anxiety so now we need to work through the after effects of being over stressed. Thanks for the response :)
@maninayton thank you so much for your thoughtful and insightful words. You are right, I am worried about my husband and honestly I've been in the situation where I have also longed for the permanent escape, though the sense of responsibility to my family would never allow it. It was unbelievably hard to ask for help, and I am quite overwhelmed by all the kind comments and support I have received. I have followed you too, and I am privileged to have found such a clearly kind soul.
You are more than welcome. I look forward to seeing more from you. Take care.
Sorry I am late with this, I will upvote 100% and resteem for you. I hope people keep upvoting for you as every vote will help you clear that debt. My thoughts are with you sending hugs ((HUGS))
Thank you @karenb54 your help and kind words are appreciated more than you can know.
Hi. I have been where you are, we took out a debt management plan that has helped us sort our debt out, 4 years I will be debt free. Do they do them where you are :)
They do, but it is so much more complicated with a business. My most pressing worry is the amount we have to pay on Friday. As for the rest we will carry on muddling through as we have been doing for as long as possible.
Do you have to pay it all back on friday. why not instalments. We muddled through for years until we both couldn't take anymore. I hope you can get itty sorted.
Thank you, I appreciate it!
I feel you @onetree. I hope you guys can come out of this situation. Praying for you guys! Upvoted and resteemed!
Thank you so much @phillip20steem. I really appreciate that.
wow is so hard live in countrys with problems economics upvote and resteem
Thank you @enriqueig I really appreciate it.
you are an awesome wife....your husband is a lucky man to get a sincere wife like you and we all here in steemit as one family and by your great post you strengthen this feeling in me ....I'm so happy to grasp your blog ..and I have the honor to upvote it although it's not so worthy and resteem it....following you to get this sense of the one family again ...all my respects and regards to you dear friend @onetree
Thank you @ghadaelsawy This is why we have life partners, to support each other. And we are more lucky as we have a supportive community too.
I have Upvoted your post even before seeing it on @teamsouthafrica discord but i have resteemed it now. God is your help and he will surely help you.
@seyiodus.
#itestify
Thank you!
Good job that you did this post! It's the right thing to do, people can decide how they want to spend their energies.
It's like a bird calls out for its tribe in times of emergency, or the whale blasts its song to its fellows in the tribe in the ocean.
This is how you could locate your tribespeople.
Randowhale has just come back. I found out about this just a few hours ago! I didn't know what happened, something just told me to send one randowhale tip to your post.
And when I came home, I checked out your blog before going to bed.
Something must be telling me what to do!
All will be fine! Just do what you have to do!
Pray for your guardian angels' assistance! Some of them are still on holiday! SMS them to come back to you!
Best wishes.
Have faith all will be alright.
Thank you @kaminchan for the encouraging words. The post was difficult to do, and you have made me smile tonight! Thank you for the tip too, I was wondering how I got a @randowhale vote! I am going to start sms'ing now!
I wish you good luck in all your endeavors..... More strength to you during this hard times... @surpassingoogle Thanks for resteeming.
Thank you very much @seanmalex
Hello @onetree, I saw your post post from @teamsouthafrica on discord. I believe everything will become better for you. With God all things are possible for those who believe in Him. I want you to invite Jesus into your situation and He will surely walk with you through it.
I do say something that when you see a problem at it peak, that means it getting near the solution just like when we have boil. It get more painful when it's getting ripe.
i pray for you that help will come for you in Jesus name. I will continue to put you and your family in my prayer.
It's good you are asking for help and not giving up. He who run the race to the end is the winner/champion.
I have giving you my little token and resteem. This is a christian community account that i use to upvote and leave this comment. I will also do the same with my personal account which is @seyiodus. When things get better which I know will, I will like you to share your testimony with everyone. You can use #itestify as your main tag for itestify to manually curate your post and resteem for you. It is well with you and your family.
God bless you.
#itestify.
Thank you very much @itestify and @seyiodus it is faith that gets us through the hard times, as well as an amazing community of people like you.
We should all thank God for what He has done and what He is going to do in our lives.
Bless you sister.