Even though I am your love

Kring .. kring .. kring the sound of the cellphone in my right pocket, I didn't dare to open it even though no one was watching me in this room but still CCTV in every corner of the room was watching me, I had to put it in front of the broom and pelu toilet and the bucket I was carrying, now I hurriedly swung my feet into the toilet, my hands hurriedly grabbed my cellphone that was ringing in my pocket, "Hello" heard a familiar tone of voice touching my ears, now my breath was tight, my heart seemed to break, my oral cavity was reluctant to issue oral, only the eyelids were accompanied by the rattling of clear tears which seemed to give a signal that this heart was having a longing that was buried, now my condition was really stiff in the toilet but I had to sound strong in his ear. Slowly I took a breath to calm my mind, "Ha ... halo i.ibu," I said with trembling lips
"How are you kid," he replied
"Good ma'am, I am now at work, ma'am, it is already a danger, if I get caught by my boss, I will be fired," I said back in an oral manner which I forced.
"Yes, son, wassalamualaikum" spoken so accordingly heard in my ear
Oh God, I really can't answer the greeting with my lips, only tears can answer it now.
"My God I miss my mother, let me go from this free prison" do'aku at this time.
I reconsidered my mind, my God, I realized that there was a broom and a mop and a bucket waiting for me out there.

I rushed and started cleaning the office floor, I wiped it clean then I put down my mop so that the floor was shiny, nobody else just wanted to get praise from my boss so I could still work at this place.

The office part has finished returning the broom and pelku on the second floor, after the second floor is finished, I swung my feet back to the third floor and fourth floor to complete, I cleaned the leftovers left last night, now the clock shows 10.30, three hours and half I clean all sweaty running all over my body, I was very tired, my mind was mixed up like I wanted to run from this place but there was a verbal return ringing in my mind "Dare to dare to be responsible, well you have to be responsible Fajar" verbally from a friend who once took me anchored in the agenda book with very beautiful daily agendas, after all the agenda is finished, now it might be the opponent but I don't know, or indeed I am irresponsible so as to make my cellphone noisy and every 15th of my inbox contains the message "When is the installment this month paid, now the time has come "honestly this is the main reason I am in this place, I do not dare to be honest in front of my parents, I can not burden them anymore on the other hand the money I borrow is not only my interests but our interests, but unfortunately in their daily agenda my name has been erased, now only I am responsible answered one, not only responsible for the debt but also responsible for the longing for the mother.

"Oh God when this problem is resolved, don't call me on my trip because there is a sweet responsibility that is waiting to make my parents happy" back in my little heart.

I want to tell my mother the days I spent without her but I was afraid, I was afraid to be called home before the time when I heard everything I lived here, if I heard the incident this afternoon, I almost died from a hernia attacking me, fortunately the day This customer is quiet, no one on the third floor toilet except only me who is leaning on the wall and I put my head on the floor, that's all I can do when the hernia is hurting me, about an hour I shivered in pain before everything returned to normal.

In fact this disease had previously happened in my friend's boarding house, they wanted to take me to the hospital but I forbade them because I did not want anyone who knew this incident especially the mother, what if he knew for sure I was called home and surely they were haunted worried.
Not only that is what happened here, but what if he found out that what became my meal every day was only a bowl of instant noodles and had even eaten fried rice from rice that was already stale.
I don't want him to know all these things, let me be alone, it's enough I burden them all this time. This is a trial for me.

Now almost two months I have passed my days being monitored without the mother near me, there are only my schoolmates who were studying here who accompanied me every time.
Nearly a month my mother never contacted me about this longing still in my mind, but it didn't need to take a long time to think about it, only 10 minutes thinking about it, yes, indeed the mother and child instincts were very strong "Hello" oral what I missed was heard in my ear
"Yes ma'am," I replied, "your friend said you are sick again, you go home tomorrow tomorrow boy" said my mother in a very worried tone
"I have not been able to go home, ma'am, after I pay, I just returned home ma'am," I said with a little persuasion
"It's still a long time ago, son, there are still 20 days, you go home first for treatment" my mother with her advice
"No bu 'I'm fine later after the payday. I promise to go home but one condition, I don't want to go to the doctor. I want to be treated at home," I said firmly
"Yes, son, you promise to go home on the first day, if you don't go home, I'll take you to the doctor for surgery," he said firmly.
"Yeah, yeah ma'am, 'I promise, it's already yes ma'am issalamualaiakum" I immediately hung up and found out who told my mother about this incident.

I found one / one of my friends in his room, yes indeed I thought it turned out that my friend who had seen me was sick in his dormitory, "What is your business with my life bro, telling my mother that I was sick here" I snapped
I was very disappointed at this incident, but he did not care about my words, just handed me a piece of paper "what do you mean jar? look at this. "I saw the paper that he was offering turned out to be the paper I hid in my bag, the results of my checkup, with a moment I was very shocked and told him" I beg you not to tell anyone about what is in this paper "I knelt before him and begged, he just nodded and left me.

To be honest 2 days after I was seriously ill at the time, I went to the hospital myself to check up no one knew of any of them as well as the results of my check up nobody knew about it, because I was afraid that if my mother knew the results of my checkup, she would shock or even something that will happen to him. How not, I was the only child, after my sister died 4 years ago and now not only hernias lodged in my body but also hepatitis in the final stage. Now only me, my doctor, my friends and God know this.

Now it is not only debt and longing that I bear in my overseas but all the pain that attacks my body, actually if only there I am in this life I do not mind the burden of my illness but there are people who want to make me happy especially the mother.
But I'm sure God must have a better plan. I surrender everything to the creator of the universe.

I am FAJAR CT, I am a student from one of the private campuses in South Sulawesi, majoring in government science, I was born in Sinjai, 23 years old, aspiring to be a novelist and a motivator, motto, life satisfaction is when I can be grateful today.