"How to know if s/he is serious about me?!"

Many have sent me questions asking: "how to know if s/he loves me and/or is interested in me?"

Credit: pairedlife

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The following is a short conversation I had with Laura addressing that important dilemma:

LAURA: Does he want me too, but is only afraid to start something?

Nomad: Generally speaking when you strongly FEEL that you are in love with someone and these feelings are not mere fantasy, then that someone is connected to you in a very substantial way.

LAURA: I actually emailed him this morning, because I wanted to invite him to a dinner I am having for a mutual friend’s birthday. So I want him to sleep over.

Nomad: So you followed your heart, made your move and sent him an email. Did he respond yet? The question is, what do you choose your reality to be regarding this guy? Do you want a long term relationship, perhaps your TrueLove? Or will you settle for "sex" (sleepover) only?...

This is the whole issue of relationships. What do we choose each moment of our lives! If you are looking for sex then I believe you are assertive enough to create that. When you look for TrueLove then I may be more helpful with my insights.

Anyway - what is next? Just be still and allow reality to unfold before you. Then make your decisions according to what you FEEL is best for you. For instance, if he tells you he wants only sex and does not want to commit (while you are only interested in a long-term relationship) then you should ask yourself if you are willing to settle for less than you want. It is a question of self-esteem, among other things. A question only you can answer for yourself!

LAURA: I don't only want sex from him. I want to be part of his life. He told me this morning that he's not going to come. I did something somewhere and now I am his least favorite person. Now when it is important not to be. I don’t know what to do. I don't want to open another can of worms.

Nomad: When you interact with another human being, especially when there are lots of emotions involved, you send and receive energy. It is like the radiation that you send and receive with your cell phone. And you know very well that if the radiation is too strong - like when you tan yourself on the beach - you might get burnt.

Right now this guy wants to be left alone. He expressed his wishes very well by declining your invitation. Indeed, he might have done it because of pride and lack of self-love but it doesn't really matter because if you keep contacting him he will feel more of that burning energy and will put up his defenses.

In short - release him. Let him go and if and when he is your significant other, trust yourself and your guardian angels to find the way to reconnect you two. Along the way and meanwhile, he will learn to forgive and you will learn your lessons. You surely know the phrase - if you love someone set them free.

Your challenge will be to REALLY let him go. It means stopping thinking about him, stopping the chatter in your mind and focussing on the inner feelings of self-love. I would also suggest that you don't go and do wild things to comfort yourself: drinking, drugs, sex... etc. It would do you no good. You know what I mean.

LAURA: I agree with you. I was just trying to reach out to him. The invitation was not a romantic dinner. It was for all of us. I want to be his friend right now. That's all I want. Ya know, first things first. I haven't even answered the email. Don't know when I will.

I spoke with his best friend yesterday. He doesn't even know I invited him to dinner. I found out I have to cancel the dinner anyway, due to some other invitation my friend who I am doing the dinner for has, Dan's best friend’s wife. Also, Dan's car has been acting up, this is coming from his best friend. Dan lives 70 miles from here. And gets up for work at 4 AM.

I think I just need to be very light with Danny. Make him laugh again the way I used to. His friend was doing something yesterday he hasn't been doing for a long time. Bringing up Danny with me and talking to me about him. It felt good. He has not spoken to me about him for a long time, and now that Dan is free he can.

Sorry Nomad, I can't let this go. If you have the drug to make me not feel, I would be more than happy to take it. I may never give this up. I know in my heart that he and I will be together and I think he knows it too. Just not ready for it. Whenever I give up or at least say I am giving up, the universe has a way of making me see differently.

Nomad: First - you have nothing to be sorry for because this is your life you are living and you are the sole one responsible for it.

Second, I did NOT say you need to or should stop feeling! On the contrary, I said you should stop thinking about him all the time and simply CHOOSE him consciously.

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You may want to do this simple exercise

• Sit for 10 minutes in a quiet place, undisturbed, and imagine your desired outcome. Now pay attention - what you seek is NOT Danny but rather what Danny represents to you, meaning a deep and loving connection, right? So, for 10 minutes just imagine you have a relationship with such deep love. FEEL the relationship with your heart and body, the shivers, the excitement, the joy, the butterflies in your tummy... you know what I am talking about:-)! Then, when the 10 minutes are up, release the image and tell yourself that the universe is wise and will provide you with your choices. And TRUST that it will be so.

• Do this exercise once a week and for the rest of the time just release it. Don’t think about him or men at all. Is it that difficult?;-)...

• Be persistent with the exercise, keep choosing and show confidence in your ability to create what you desire. Then, I promise you (well, actually, you promise yourself and I just deliver the message) that you will be surprised what the universe will bring you regarding a relationship. Danny may indeed be your soulmate, but he may also not be. The universe may need to make him grow or bring you someone who is much more suitable for you.

• When you keep insisting and demanding that you get only Danny and no one else, you are limiting yourself and might get caught in this for many years. You surely do not want that:-)...

• So, the key is not to stop feeling but quit thinking. You are thinking too much because your mind wants to control and is afraid that once you quit thinking you will lose what you want. And this is ironic because right NOW, you think and still do not have what you want. Am I not right?