How to move on after a breakup

Going through a separation or divorce can be very difficult, no matter what the reason there was for it. It can turn your world upside down and make it hard to get through the work day and remain productive. But there are things you can do to get through these difficult changes.

+ Realize that it’s alright to have different feelings

Its okay to feel angry, sad, exhausted, confused and frustrated—and these feelings can be quite intense. You also may be worried about the future. Recognize that reactions like these will lessen with time. Even if the marriage was unhealthy, stepping into the unknown can still be scary. 

+ Give yourself leeway

You might find yourself feeling and functioning at a less than optimal level for a period of time. You may not be able to be quite as fruitful at your job or care for others in exactly the way you’re accustomed to for a little while. No one is superwoman or superman, thus take the necessary amount of time you need to heal, regroup and re-energize.

+ Don’t go through this alone

Sharing how you feel with friends and family can help you get through this period. Consider becoming a member of a support group where you can talk to others in similar situations. Isolating yourself might only result in elevated stress levels, lower your concentration, and get in the way of your work, relationships and overall health. Don’t be shy or scared to get outside help if you need it. 

+ Take care of yourself physically and emotionally

Be nice to yourself and to your body. Take time out to eat well, exercise and relax. Keep to your normal schedule as much as possible. Try to avoid making major changes or decisions at this moment in your life. Don’t indulge in drugs, alcohol or cigarettes as a way to cope; they only cause more problems.

+ Avoid fights

and power tussles with your former partner or spouse. If a conversation begins to turn into an argument, calmly suggest that you both try talking again later and either hang up the phone or walk away.

+ Take time to explore your interests

Rediscover the things you enjoy doing without your partner. It could be painting, dance classes, sports, etc. Sign up for a class, invest time in your hobbies, volunteer, and take time to enjoy life and make new friends.

+ Tips for talking to your kids

If you have children, here are some short tips that can help your young children and teens cope with these changes.Reassure and listen to them. Make sure your kids understand that your breakup is not their fault. 

• Listen to and ease their worries, and be compassionate but clear in your responses.Maintain stability and routines. Try to keep your kids’ daily and weekly routines as they usually used to be, as much as you can.
• Let discipline be consistent. Now that your kids may share time with both parents separately, be sure to agree with your ex-spouse on things like bedtimes, curfews and other everyday decisions, as well as any punishments for misdemeanors.
• Let your children know they can rely on you. Make and uphold realistic promises. And don’t overwhelm them with your feelings about the divorce. They still need you to be strong for them.
• Don’t involve your children in the conflict. Avoid arguing with or talking negatively about the other parent when your kids are around. Don’t use them as messengers or spies, or make them take sides.

+ Think positively

Undoubtedly, this is easier said than done. Things may not be the same, but finding new friends and/or activities, and moving on with reasonable expectations will make this transition easier. Be flexible. If you have children, family traditions will still be paramount but some of them may need to be adjusted to fit the new changes. Help to make new family activities.  Life will eventually get back to normal, although “normal” may be different from what you had originally hoped for.

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(images courtesy of pixabay)