I did it. Then I undid it. Now I have to do it again...

Well, about a year ago, I was like, "Oh, my job, oh I need to follow my calling." And I did! I left the 9-9, and went on my way playing pool and living on my savings and credit.

Things didn't quite go as planned. I fell way behind in my production schedule for YouTube. I did however get my book going. Finally. That's been years in the making. I just picked one of my topics and ran with it. I think I will post that on here soon and see what you fair readers will have to say about it.

So, I was loving life. Learning a lot. I left people in my life who were not helping me and dragging me down. That was very difficult for me to do and also very liberating. Once you get rid of one toxic person, the others are easier to spot!

Anyhow, I didn't make much money playing pool. I made enough here and there to pay the rent a few times which was great. But then eventually I ran out of money. I got down to like $2 and I didn't know what to do besides pack it up and go home. I gave up my apartment. I gave up my niche I had carved out in that town.

And now here I am. A week an a half into my old job which I jumped at the opportunity to take back. Back together with my beau. And living at home.

I feel like (just a few months ago) I went forward into freedom, playing pool, writing my book, attempting to make YouTube videos, meeting new people, travelling... living the life!

And I left it all behind because I was sliding into debt and running out of money and stubbornly refused to take my money out of my investments because it was all I had going for me.

Well, we all make mistakes!

And apparently I like to make the same mistake over and over and over again!

One day, and soon, I will figure out how to make a living doing the things I love. And this time, I won't think about it for months. It took me about 7 months last time to take action. I don't have that kind of steel willpower anymore to keep holding on.

So lessons learned? Don't give up on something you really want just because it doesn't LOOK like it's working out. In hindsight, things were right on track. Had I just held on a bit longer, things would have turned around for me.

Instead, I ran back to safety, ran back to the shore and never really got too far into the ocean. Don't give up. Ask for help, sell stuff, find a way, and do everything you can to make it work. If you believe in what you are doing it is worth it.

And every opportunity that comes your way that is up your alley but you don't feel ready for...take it! If I had, maybe I wouldn't be writing this post but a success story instead.

One more thing, get the foxes out of the hen house. I didn't right away and God knows how many days and nights of time wasted that cost me.

And when you are on a schedule, working to make your new life work, you don't need anyone that is going to help you sidestep, fall back, hibernate, lose sleep, lose money or time, second-guess yourself, or temp you with things that are bad for you.

Thoughts about my brand of buyer's remorse:

-I left my job, regretted it. Thought maybe I should have changed other parts of my life first before letting go of my safety net.
-I left my beau, regretted it in time. Thought maybe I should have stayed and got rid of other problems first.
-I left a fake friend...no regrets!!!
-I left my apartment... regret it. It was cheap. I could have made it work. Now I feel desperate for a place of my own again and I know desperation doesn't look good on my life.
-I went back to my job, regretted it. Oh why, oh why, did I sign up for this again? It drives me nuts and I feel my energy evaporating!
-I went back to my beau, hmm. Outlook uncertain. May be a great or horrible decision, not sure yet or in denial.

And now in limbo land, I'm struggling to get my work done, not playing much pool, in a long-distance relationship, not living on my own. My book has gained a few pages, my channel is non-existent, my dreams are still in infancy, and I truly feel I have gone completely backwards.

Any positives I learned? Yes, but they were learned when I was on my own, doing my dreams. If I had to do it again, I would have held onto that dream a bit longer, made it work one more month. Taken all the opportunities I had. Thrown out the bad apples at hello. And again, held on and made it work. Here's to getting it right the next time!

-mm