Yesterday we had our meeting. Or child protection conference as they call it here.
My sister in law came with us and my eldest daughter as well. She was a rock star!
Others who were there: the public health nurse (who's an absolute nutter to be honest and should be in her job as much as our case worker should), her team leader, the case worker and her team leader, a representative from my daughter's school, the home education assessor, our family support worker, the conference administrator who recorded the whole thing, the man who lead the family support meeting on my behalf and his boss: the independent chairman. Our GP was invited but didn't attend. The parenting support woman I work with couldn't attend either, but she showed me her report the day before and this was handed in before the meeting.

I brought in my youngest son for a few minutes. He had his toy dinosaur with him and as I predicted, he started talking about his favourite dinosaurs as soon as the chairman asked him about it.

The chairman also told me about the letters of reference he had received from my friends. He told me they were all great letters. I already knew that, but it was awesome hearing it from him. He then told me he had children and grandchildren and had the upmost respect for me raising 4 children on my own.

The conference

All the professionals present would have their say during this. I had just sent in my 13 page complaint to the area manager a few days before. He replied to me only on Wednesday to tell me he would pass this on to the complaint officer. I sent him a message to thank him for this but that there was one big issue:
The conference was the next day and I did not want to talk to the case worker anymore because she used everything I said against me. The man must be a reasonable man because the first thing the chairman said was that he knew about the complaint and that it would be dealt with outside of this meeting. During the whole conference, it became very clear that he had read the complaint!

First the case worker and her team leader expressed their concerns. It was very informal, so any of us could chime in whenever we wanted to respond. Even my sister in law, who was only supposed to be there as support, got to have a say. All the concerns were written on a board and the chairman then asked me to respond.
When the public health nurse told us about her concerns, it became even clearer that the chairman was on our side!
She said that when she came to our house, there were 4 dogs there who she described as 'cross' (vicious).
They were barking at her and had to be pulled away. The chairman said: "So they were doing their job." He then turned to me and asked about them. I told them that one of the dogs belonged to a former family friend who was no longer in the picture. There had been one dog who we had on a temporary basis, she was a sweet little thing but has since been re-homed. This leaves us with two dogs. He then asked the family care worker (who is on our side!) if she had any bad experiences with the dogs. She replied that they bark when she comes, but they are otherwise friendly. He asked me if they had ever bitten anyone. This was a negative. I told him that I would never have dangerous dogs around my children. He nodded and asked what kind of dogs they were. When I told him they were a cross between a great Pyrenees and Newfoundland, he nodded and said: "Ah, the gentle giants." One win for us.
The public health nurse then said she thought the presence of my former friend was 'vague' as she was not introduced to him. I replied that she should have been the one introducing herself, as she was the stranger that came into my house and that she was there for my son, so I didn't feel the need to introduce them. This seemed enough for the chairman.

She then went on to say that: "Her son was quiet and withdrawn and very disciplined for a boy his age."
Disciplined for a boy his age? What the hell does that even mean? He did what she told him to do and didn't act up and it's automatically assumed that I am abusing my child? Now who's the crazy one?
The chairman turned to her and said: "Are we talking about the same little lad that was just here?" She nodded. He laughed. He asked my sister in law if she thought he was withdrawn. Of course not!
He then asked if the family care worker thought this (she sees us once a week). She replied: "No, when I see him he is always very bubbly and chatty." He then asked the public health nurse if she had changed her mind by now and she said that she wasn't quite convinced yet. Our case worker yelled: "No."
Now, mind you, the day before the case worker came for a visit and he was talking to her from the moment she came till she left...
I told the public health nurse she was more than welcome to come back again to which she replied: "Oh, I plan to."
I think at that point she realized just how stupid and unprofessional she looked, but she threw more oil on the fire by saying: "Oh, I would like to mention that mother had him at home without medical assistance and only called the public health nurse after 3 weeks." (OH, the HORROR!).
The chairman turned to me and said: "Wow, you are a brave woman." I replied: "No, I think women who go to the hospital to have their babies are braver than I am." He laughed and then addressed the woman again: "Was there anything out of the ordinary with the child? I mean, we've just seen him, he's healthy..." She replied: "Well, he was seen by the GP and was healthy." He thought that was enough of that, but she still had to throw in even more: "Yes, the GP told me that the mother chose not to vaccinate." He completely ignored her.

Someone shoot her and put her out of her misery...

They had NOTHING!

Then, the word was to the home education assessor. He said that he visited and concluded that "he wasn't sure if my kids receive a minimum education." He was asked about the proceedings and he told us that there would be a comprehensive assessment in June. When I asked him why it took so long, as he had initially told me it would be about 7 weeks and it was now more than 7 months, he said: "No, it usually takes a few months." NOT what he told me when I last spoke to him and I said so. He shut up. The chairman thought this was their department, so nothing to note there.

Then the case worker brought forward the concern of the children being 'isolated' and not socializing with their peers.
The chairman turned to me. I told him that the only time in life when children are only amongst their peers of the same age is during their time in school. In 'the real world' this hardly ever happens and children interact with people of all ages. This is also the case for mine. Besides that they are enrolled in Gaelic football, soccer and will be starting music lessons soon as well as activities with the home education groups and camping in June. This seemed to impress him and he left it at that.

The word was for the family care worker. She told us that the case worker had told her that our house was messy, full of stuff (yeah DUH, we had just moved) and filthy. She went on to say that she came to our house the next day and found none of that, besides a lot of stuff in boxes. She said that I had since cleared all of that and the house was spotless. Even during unannounced visits by her, she had seen the kids working on the PC, or at the table, and she had seen them baking and cooking with me. There were no concerns on her side. She was a star! OMG, someone with a brain!

The chairman then turned to my eldest daughter and asked her how long she was homeschooled before she started back in school last September. 3 years. He then asked the school representative: "How does she do in school?" To which she replied: "Oh, she excels academically." He then waved his hand in dismissal while looking at the home education assessor, as if he tried to say: "Well, well...so why the worry?"
The school rep. had nothing but good to say about my daughter.

The case worker mentioned the mice that had entered the house (after she had asked me to remove my cats...) and said there was a concern that the kids might get sick. He turned to me and asked me if the kids had ever been to the hospital. I told him my youngest daughter once for a sprained arm after a fall when she was playing on a hay stack, my youngest son once for a cut on his toe, my eldest had been to the GP for a chest infection about 5 years ago and my eldest daughter had never been to the hospital since we moved here. He said that a doctor friend of his had told him that the average Irish child goes to the hospital 2 to 3 times a year and that anything above that could be a concern. Looking at the facts in our family, he concluded that my kids were as safe as could be as they are far below that average.

The end of the conference

One by one, the chairman had crossed out concerns while we were going through them. There was NOTHING left!
He made a line with a 0 at one end and 10 on the other. 10 meant low concern (average family, not perfect) and 0 meant very high risk of harm. He asked everyone in the room to take a magnet and put it in the place where they thought my children were. The most of the people present, placed their magnets around 7-8, including the case worker's team leader. My sister in law, my daughter and I placed it at 10. The only two that placed theirs around the 4 mark, were the case worker and the public health nurse, who had seen me and my son (not the rest) for a whole of 20 minutes...

The chairman said that seen the fact that most professionals had their magnet at the 7-8 mark, it would be safe to conclude that the children should not be placed on the child protection list. He asked the team leader what she thought should happen next. She told us that she wanted to see things continue the way they are for another six months and he granted her that. My sister in law later told me that this is the minimum they have to give them, not to lose face...
It's fine. I'll take it. With the complaint being dealt with, there is no way they will keep the case worker on our case.
She has to be replaced.

So it's not quite over yet. I will still be seeing the help with parenting woman (who's report was amazing) and the family care worker, I have no problems with that. Not sure if they will send another case worker or if they will just leave it at that. But that's OK. Better than them having more control over my children and me.

The chairman was my absolute hero of the day. He was experienced, able to read between the lines and it became very clear to all who were in the room that the case worker did things she shouldn't have and had made things personal.
He never even gave them the chance to bring up the report she wrote, because he had read the complaint. I was so happy, I could have hugged the man!

And the case worker? All her attempts to build a case against me and make me look bad blew up in her face. Now it's her turn to have sleepless nights, stress and doubt about her future. They call it karma...

To all those who have been reading our story from the beginning and kept us in their thoughts and the whole #familyprotection community:

A BIG

Thank you!

Without you guys and my friends here in Ireland, I wouldn't have known how to get through this. It was one hell of a ride.
This constant feeling of fear and worry about what would come next... Horrible.
Yesterday we celebrated by going to the beach. Today, I feel like I got run over by a truck.
I know everything is still going to hit me real hard. But I'm prepared. I am going to enjoy being with my children. Without the wicked witch being here to criticize about every thing I do. It's been way too long and too much time wasted. Never again.

Thank you! I love you all!

All photo's are from pixabay.com

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