Bullying is Not Inevitable!
During my schooling years I went to a Rudolf Steiner school. It was a private school, which under normal circumstances my parents could never have afforded for us to attend, however this particular one had been established in a deprived area in order to try and bring this form of education to families which wouldn't normally have been able to afford it. You could pay a set price, or a percentage of your income, whichever was cheaper.
So there were children there from all walks of life. In fact the only common theme with the children attending is that the families had enough of an open mind to want an alternative form of education. There were children who were failing in the state education system and getting in trouble, there were the natural, hippy, flower power types and there was even a lad in our class whose family owned a manor house. It was a veritable melting pot where everyone was accepted for who they were.
The reason I bring this up is because so often I hear from people that bullying is an inevitable part of school life; yet I never experienced this. I'm a redhead and I wore glasses to see the blackboard, a typical target for schoolyard bullying I believe, but I was never bullied. Don't get me wrong, there were occasionally kids who tried bullying, usually newcomers to the school. They were generally ostracised until they decided to play nice. There was a group mentality which didn't accept bullying.
Another thing I never came across at school was racism. It wasn't even a concept I'd encountered until our teacher read us a story about someone in America, back in the 60s maybe, who coloured his skin to see what it was like to live as a black. I was amazed that people would even be treated so differently just because of the colour of their skin and was grateful that this racism thing no longer happened. It was quite a while before I discovered that it did still exist!
We only really had one family at the school for any length of time that might be called black. They were a mixed family with one with one parent of black African decent and the other I think was from Pakistan. Looking back I now wonder if the reason they sent their children to this school was for them to not have to experience the problem that some children of mixed ethnicity have of not being accepted into either culture. Well they certainly didn't have any problems, that I was aware of, fitting in at the melting pot that was our school.
A fascinating story I heard about was a troop of baboons being documented in the wild. They typically have a hierarchy where the leaders are the aggressive males and they are the ones that get to breed and get first dibs on any food. This particular troop came across some bins one day which had bad meat in them and the aggressive males of course barged in to get it all. They died from botulism poisoning leaving the troop with the non aggressive males. The females became so content with these males treating them so much more respectfully and gently, that if any aggressive male tried to come in from outside, they would see him off. Having experienced a new way of doing things, they choose not to go back to the traditional hierarchy.
It seems to me that the acceptance of certain behaviours is what perpetuates them and then we in turn teach them to our own offspring. Most behaviours aren't instinctive they are learnt. A child may very well snatch a toy from another child, just because they want it. If they are taught that its not an acceptable thing to do, this behaviour stops quite quickly, however, if it's allowed by everyone around them it will be seen as acceptable and continue. Discrimination, on the other hand, is taught. A child won't automatically hate someone whose skin is different or who is a different gender. That seed has to be planted.
So is bullying inevitable?
Only if we allow it to be.
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Does it still count as bullying 'a person' if they're a redhead though?
Matt! You're heading down a slippery slope here.😁
It's just the pain talking.
Had a crush on a redhead once.
Magical green eyes, pixie nose, smattering of freckles and a real aura of refinement, class and good taste; which is probably why my affection wasn't reciprocated.
cute ...love the save
melis
🤣 I'll have to think on that!
Great story and I could not agree more that seeds have to be planted, sadly that doesn't stop after a child leaves home in many cases. Any time there are new members to any group there are always opinions about older people in the group by the older people in the group.
I hope this feeling of letting someone's actions towards you or actions you witness drive your perception of them and not what someone else has seen or felt they saw done. The world is confusing enough without letting others influence you were you are perfectly capable of making up your own mind.
You are right, these seeds are planted throughout our lives and our instinct is often to follow the group as this our security. The older people are usually seen as the authority figures too and as our schooling system turns more towards teaching us to obey authority and rules we are more open to influence than if taught to think for ourselves. That is another thing that I appreciate about the school I went to. We were guided rather than schooled.
Thank you for your thoughts. 😊
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Hi @minismallholding.
I agree with most of what you say. However, I disagree slightly on what you mention with regards to discrimination.
"A child won't automatically hate someone whose skin is different or who is a different gender. That seed has to be planted."
There seems to be some evidence that even very young babies have a bias toward someone with their own accent. Apparently, accent trumps skin colour, which might surprise some. I presume because someone with the same accent is likely to be part of your family or close community regardless of their colour. Do they hate those with different accents? Probably not, but it does appear that that original seed might in fact be a biological plant. Of course, this doesn't take away from the fact that what goes on after this is learned.
Oh and p.s, my son attended a similar Steiner school. It was set up in an ad-hoc fashion with children from a variety of backgrounds The main reason being an attempt to put children in chairs as the school did not yet have the numbers coming through from the kindergarten to sustain it fully. Wonderful school.
Carolyn
That's interesting. I guess it's not something we'd remember. I had family members with different accents and these days bilingual families are probably more common than they would have been many moons ago. I'd also say that we may find strong accents uncomfortable as we can struggle to understand them.
I believe there is also evidence that we tend to gravitate towards people more like ourselves when among strangers, but like you say, this doesn't mean we hate those not like us.
I probably appreciate the school I went to more since having my own children and experiencing the public school system.
How true...it is all in what we expect and accept...great article ...
happy day
Melis
Thank you