Mentorship Group - Writing a query letter

This week, I spent an hour every day from Tuesday to Thursday, learning how to 'Pitch' my book to an agent. On Friday, the tutor spent two and a half hours going over practice query letters, telling us what we did right, what we did wrong and what needed to be done to get that query letter 'pitch-perfect'.

This is a two-parter because it's quite long.

Here's my query letter.

Dear Ms Agent,

I’m currently taking a workshop, and as the tutor mentioned you by name, I decided to find out more about you. The eclectic list of genres you represent and enjoy reading encouraged me as my novel, Cobalt Nights fits in the thriller category (with an original hook).

I was the first female Door Supervisor (‘Bouncer’) in my town, and I’ve encountered a lot of interesting characters because of the job. With that in mind, I’ve written a fictional story, woven around some of my experiences.

The story is Roadhouse with a Russian Mafia twist.

~

An ambitious Head Doorman is caught between two opposing Russian Mafioso factions and he has to use his smarts to keep his head on his shoulders, his family safe and his business together.

~

Two brothers going into business together should be a walk in the park, but when the business is Door Security for nightclubs and casinos, with clients that include gangsters and possibly the Russian Mafioso, the walk in the park could become dangerous.

Zack put his brother through University by teaching martial arts and ‘bouncing’ on the doors of local pubs and clubs. Now he is at the top of that career, with no room to rise; the brothers decide to use their father’s small inheritance to fund a higher class of security firm. Bringing in the cream of the crop, where Doormen are concerned, to build their empire, they find it’s not all plain sailing, especially when two rival Russians are fighting over their business.

The opening of the new club in town, The Cobalt, brings issues neither had thought of, and when one of the brothers falls for the boss’s daughter, they have to tread a fine line where business and personal lives merge.

When the new kids on the block try to improve working conditions, pay and prospects for the Door Supervisors in town, not every pub, club and casino owner is pleased with the idea. Some are violently opposed to anyone trying to clean up the place, driving the drug dealers out, and paying their door staff more for the privilege.

I worked as a Door Supervisor (Bouncer) in the second-most-violent town in Nottinghamshire during the 1990s and early 2000s. The first female to take up that position in the town, I was a lone woman in a sea of testosterone. I worked through distrust, doubt and sometimes ridicule. As in many industries, unfortunately, I had to run twice as fast, twice as far to be considered equal to the guys in the same job. It wasn’t all bad, however. I made a lot of good friends and saw a lot of weird stuff, some of the stories have made their way into the book, woven into the story and plot with a healthy dose of realism.

I have 13k followers on Twitter, around 1500 on my author page on Facebook and 6500 on my blogging page on steemit.com.

I have a presence on IMDB for various work – Producer, writer, actress etc.

My husband and I are in the middle of starting a new business reviewing car shows, and that website is gaining traction too.

Thank you for your time, I hope to hear back from you.

Kindest Regards
Michelle

Twitter: @ShellGent

IMDB: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm3494101/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DMichelleGentAuthor/

Steemit: https://steemit.com/@michelle.gent

Let me know what you think is wrong with this - and whats right. Please don't flatter me or tell me it all looks great because we'll never learn that way.