The love has gone..

With this, I declare that, I, Cindai Pramesti or Syindia As-Syifa put my love for His more real love of eternity.
(Jember, June 17, 2006).

I think initially the distance and time will not make our relationship a problem. Yes, the relationship without status I've been with Bagas for almost six years. In fact, he was lost without word after telling me that he was busy preparing his thesis and he also said ... wanted to calm his mind first-which meant he did not want to be disturbed by his relationship with me first. I think that time, maybe right, better not contact first. At that time I was busy with my job and great something. That, about seven months ago. However, long I realized, if it seems strange Bagas does not even give me news. I felt he was hiding something from me.

A few weeks ago, I asked for a chat with my friend - Mbak Nadin - one campus with Bagas in medical school. I asked: Is Bagas being close to the girl over there? Mbak Nadin replied if he heard the gossip if Bagas liked the childhood faculty obstetrics named Mufaisha. Idol girls on their campus because of the beauty and the shyness. Mufaisha is an orphan from a simple family and because of his intelligence, he gets a scholarship to go to college.



Suddenly afterwards I compare Mufaisha with myself. Like iron with diamonds. Different way. Obviously, Bagas will choose Mufaisha.

The other news I got was a better Bagas change. Better here is the behavior of Bagas so more pious. I concluded, Bagas changed to be matched with Mufaisha.
Good women are good men too, right?

I sigh heavily as I throw the pebbles in my hand into the middle of the sea.
I turned to look at Risma. "Tumben invites to the beach, Ris? Are you not busy? Do you have the permission of Akbar? "
The woman with the wide-brown veil gave her a warm smile. "In fact, mas Akbar really excited to let me out with you. So you do not stress, "Risma laughed softly.

I looked at Risma sharply. Then next, I found the woman grinning funny.
"I miss you all refreshing so. I want to listen to your curhatan plus lecture again for you, "continued Risma full of advice and jokes.
Ah, Risma is my best friend.

Seeing her with her elegant hijab, I wondered, when would I follow her trail? Will Bagas come back to me if I wear the hijab, improve my personality and other bad qualities? Ugh, but for the moment I have no intention of closing aurat.

I got closer to him and hugged from the side. Then mumble nearby, "you're lucky yes, Ris. Your dreams have always been realized; have a righteous husband and can lead you to your heaven. "
"In the past, I thought you were lucky than me, Ndai," Risma said, his hand moving slowly on the cheek, slowly moving his hand to rub my hair. "When do you want to close aurat? Come on, Ndai fought together in God's way with me. I do not want you to be sorry the next day. "

I snorted small. I walked away from Risma and looked at the sky. Honestly my eyes are teary nowadays. I do not know why there is still a little doubt in my heart.

Risma tapped my shoulder from behind. He sighed and said, "You know right, Ndai, if closing the aurat is required. In the past ... you told me once, after you converted to Islam, you will cover aurat, this is a year gone by. "

I remember the times when I said the first two shahadah words. It was like His love infiltrated my bones, vibrating my empty soul for many years. Filling the void of my orphan life since childhood. God has filled my heart with His love without me realizing it.

I turned around, facing Risma who was now staring at me with tears. "I doubt it, Ris. I'm afraid I can not be istiqomah. "

Risma read al-Qur'an verses. I seem to know this verse, this ... al-Ahzab letter of verse 59. The verse that explains the importance and obligation of veiling for Muslim women.
"O Prophet, say to your wives, your daughters and the wives of the Believers: Let them stretch out their veils all over their bodies! That is so that they are easier to be known, therefore they are not disturbed and Allâh is the Forgiving, the Most Merciful. "

I immediately hit my body at Risma. Hug him tightly. God, I'm too far from you. I whispered quietly near his ear, "I want to, emigrate like you Ris but, what ... God willing to accept me? Want to accept my delay in reaching His blessing? "
"Do not doubt the greatness of God, Cindai. God is the best place you ask. God is also Most Merciful. Provided you mean it, then InshaAllah, Allah will forgive you and it is never too late for a truly converted person. "
I looked up at him wistfully. "Thank you, Ris, you want to be a friend who understands me. Always reminds me when I'm wrong. "



Smile on Risma's lips. "Well, that's so. You must intimate yourself, if your emigration is lillahita'ala, sincere only for Allah alone. Not for anyone else. Above Bagas, Ndai. If a mate does not go anywhere. "

Risma pulled a cloth out of her bag. As he held it out to me, I just found out it was a pink hood. He came over and put the veil on me. I smile holding the veil that now stretched long on my stomach.

I looked at Risma steadily. "I'm going to try to snoop him," I said in a tingling voice tearing back my tears. "With this my choice will not be wrong. I ... will continue my S-2 in Cairo. "

Risma looked at me happily and patted my arm that was coated in a light brown jacket. I could feel her happiness from her eyes that became the center of her honesty.

A greeting interrupted my conversation with Risma. I turned around and all I found was Bagas and his sister with the smile that I longed for. I almost ran towards him to embrace him if Risma did not cleared his throat hard at me to reality.

"Waalaikumussalam. Staring at someone of a different kind with lust - the feeling of belonging - is included in the zina of his eyes. It is the worst of the way. "
I looked at Risma embarrassed. Just now I wanted to emigrate but, I was about to make mistakes.

I immediately answered the greeting. I looked up at him, looking at him straight. "H-hi!" I say stiffly. "How are you?"
Bagas looked at Risma briefly then turned to me. His face is very visible if there is something to talk about. His smile rises stiffly. "Good."

"Ah! Looks like you two need time to talk. Seeing Bagas coming with his brother, I'll leave you with him, Ndai. Remember do not do weird things! You have promised me and yourself, remember! "Risma went after the greeting.

I chose to sit on the rock that was not far from the original place and Bagas and his sister followed me.

"There's something I want to talk about. I'm sure you already know from Mbak Nadin about- "
My lips trembled and unconsciously replied, "Yes, I already know."
"Sorry, Ndai," Bagas said. His head was raised. Stare deep into the sky. "I'm sorry I've been a coward. Sorry to betray you. My narrow heart is too afraid to hurt you, Ndai. Tapu, I do not want to be hypocritical, if, I fall in love with his pique. Sorry. I do not expect you to forgive me for, I do not deserve to be forgiven. Sorry for disappearing when you need direction from me.

"And next week ... I'm getting married. I hope you will come. "

My eyes glazed over Bagas's words. "It's okay, Gas. I have already forgiven you. By the way, congratulations, yes. May you be happy with her. He deserves you. I sincerely you with him, "I said with a stiff smile. "And sorry, I can not come. Do not worry, my prayers always accompany your marriage. Do'a me too, Gas. So I can be better than before. "

God, is this like falling from the wrong love? God, is this like being a wasted person? Is this like loving the wrong way? Show me, O God, Your way! Give me a chance to fall in your hug. Show me, what you say love is the one who really love. Eternal without being constrained by time. God, I want your love, allow me to kneel on your name in your love.