Out Of A Bin
Yesterday I picked the little lady up from nursery. She was normally very happy and buoyant but she seemed a little flat.
What's shakin little lady?
Nuffin.
Was her slightly sad reply.
Having watched many psychological thrillers and dramas on TV I knew to give her space. We skipped along the road and I warbled about dinosaurs and monsters to take her mind off whatever it was that was upsetting her.
It wasn't long before we were home and I asked her again.
What's wrong my little toffee apple? You seem a little preoccupied?
She looked serious.
It's Oliver Coyle. He said I looked like a boy.
Outwardly I remained calm. Inside a colossal rage exploded. Radioactive fire blazed through me body at the thought that some young scamp would dare insult my little lady.
I gave a disdainful sniff.
You don't look like a boy, he is obviously quite silly.
I know. But it upset me, he said it lots of times. Some kids laughed.
I reached out and placed a hand on the wall to steady myself as the fury exploded like a volcano in my mind. What?!? I must find this young scamp and gut him like a fish. Yes, that is what I must do.
I knew of course that this was madness. Instead, I gathered the little lady up for a cuddle.
What will I do if he says it again Daddy? It hurts my feelings.
Next day at dinner time we all sat and started noshing down at the table. The good lady regaled us with tales of her day looking after little boom. Not wanting the little lady to feel left out she asked her how her day was.
The little lady leapt up and down excitedly.
My day was great!! It was fantastic!! I loved it! I had lots of fun!
We both smiled. The little lady carried on.
I told Oliver Coyle that he was poor and eats out of a bin!!
The good lady froze.
Pardon darling. He is what?
I told everyone! I said Oliver Coyle is poor and eats out of a bin!!! Everyone laughed at him!
I coughed on some food slightly.
The good lady looked visibly pained as if her vagina was playing up.
And where did that come from?
Even as she asked her gaze had lifted from the little lady and fixed solidly on me.
Daddy told me to say it!!! It worked Daddy!! It worked!
I coughed a little harder. The good lady pinned me with her best icy glare.
Daddy. I don't think you should pass on any more wisdom's till you have slept a bit better, hmmm?
Ahem. Yes dear.
I say this a lot but reading your posts are my absolute treat for the day - that toe curling goodness and enjoyment going through my body when I read it
I really do appreciate hearing that, sometimes when you write you get the heebies that none will like it!
Usually, someone would say the famous line "... only out of the mouth of babes ..."
But in this case, there is no other mouth that would utter those fine words.
Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha
I know, I am quite terrible, I was trying my hardest to give her an insult to use that didn't have swearing in it. I was quite pleased in the end!
Another tried and true trick is for her to tell Oliver Coyle that she knows that he likes her.
But then ... you might run into other problems...
Yeah, those problems can beat it for a good long while! Lets stick with he's poor and eats out of a bin!
Oh dear. Dear daddies would do that, certainly.
Yes indeed!
I think it was a perfectly reasonable come back, hee hee, guess I shouldn't be giving out any wisdoms either! Especially since what sprung to my mind as a comeback was not fit for writing on the blockchain;)
Ah, imagine my first response to the little lady. Well the one that almost made it out of my mouth till I clamped down on my tongue! Yes, I think it was quite reasonable too!
I'm sure the good lady is still icicles for eyes, but at least lil Oliver will think twice next time!
Haha, I bet he will! That will learn him :0)
What a brilliant comeback, I would have told mine to do the same :)
It is good eh!! I was fair proud of myself and her for remembering to say it!
Loved it, straight to the point, a come back to kick ass lol :)
I think I will have fun teaching her come backs to people throughout her life!
You best get thinking and writing them down,there's a few weird kids out there :)
Now we get down to the fact of the matter going forward. LOL
Yas indeed, I am a bad influence! ;0)
Hahahahaha! You got pinned, all right! Good on you for putting a lid (however temporary) on that volcano, though - we must pick our 'eruption' times very carefully. lol.
Hopefully I never have to see the little fellow lol the eruption can stay contained that way :0)
I agree with the good lady
hup hup to bed :P
hahaha
am glad I got no kids
I probably am like you
maybe ..naughtier hahaha my mom was I remember
but ..only because she loves us she couldn't bear seeing us being bullied nor even tease she taught us to grow a big mouth hahaha
Hehe, thats half the problem with me. I am a little too naughty and like to sneak things in which I probably shouldnt. I did feel quite a ridiculous satisfaction when the Oliver child got laughed at by everyone else for eating out of a bin!!
Lol! I was going to suggest Uncle Boom pay him a visit, but it sounds like meesterboom is on it!
I was, I was ever so proud of myself, the good lady will come round and realise it was a magic thing in no time! :O)
From all things like: kick 'm in the jewels, twist his nuts and more of that friendly kind of stuff, you probably gave her a reasonsble good remedy to counter his a-hole behaviour. :-)
I thought I would save the A-game stuff till she was a bit older. Then I will teach her every nasty twisty bitey stabby thing I know! :OD
Learned my daughter a thing or two how to effectively knock out an attacker. Indeed stuff for the advanced ages. :-)
Its vital stuff though so well done you!