Twelve O'Clock
Jessica and Michelle had been best friends since preschool. It was their sophomore year of high school. They lived down the street from one another, just three blocks away, on the other side of a wooded park. They had a nearly telepathic connection, as inseparable as identical twins. Every Friday evening, after dinner, one would call the other to gossip and talk about the happenings at school, and their latest crushes, and all manners of things that girls in their sophomore years tend to find interesting. After an hour or two, it would suddenly dawn on them that they were only a few blocks away, and one would walk to the other’s house so they could commence their chatter until they’d fall asleep.
On this particular Friday, Jessica’s parents were out of town. Fearing typical teenage behavior, her parents had never allowed her to stay home alone before, but they decided that Jessica was finally old enough. Earlier in the day at school, Michelle and Jessica plotted to meet at Jessica’s house late in the night, after Michelle’s parents had gone to sleep, and see how they could best take advantage of the situation. But Jessica never called Michelle that night, and she didn’t pick up her phone when Michelle tried to initiate the call herself. So she chose to simply walk over to her house and surprise her.
When Michelle reached Jessica’s house and extended out her fist to knock, she realized that the door was slightly ajar, and something seemed off. She cautiously and quietly crept into the house, holding her breath in the eery silence. Jessica’s family had a creepy old grandfather clock in the living room. She walked into the dark living room slowly, exploring every room while holding her breath. She went up the creaky stairs. No Jessica anywhere. At this point, Michelle had a distinctly creeped out feeling, and decided it was about time to get out of there as soon as possible and call the police.
As she walked into the living room, the grandfather clock struck midnight. Lightning flashed, and Michelle spotted a familiar body lying on the floor in a pool of blood by her feet. There was something written next to the clock. She took out her cell phone flashlight and beamed it up on the wall. There was a message scrawled in blood:
Tick tock, twelve o’clock. Aren’t you glad you didn’t turn on the lights?
Michelle ran for the door, only to discover that it was locked, and that the door handle had been broken off.
Wow, I love this, sets a very creepy mood. I hope you write more of it ;)
Very creepy and a nice start. You need to explore this idea some more.
Thanks! I don’t know, I think this one is pretty well rounded off. There are previous freewrites I did that I’d love to expand on though, particularly the sci fi one.
I see what you’re getting at. Sometimes, it is fun to make the reader wonder and use their imagination. I really liked the idea you created in the sci-fi story, especially the thoughts going through your protagonist’s mind.
I've bounced some ideas off of my friends and we came up with a bunch of cool ideas about where to take it. I've never attempted to write a full story of any significant length, let alone a novel, but I think it might be a cool personal challenge for this year! Maybe it would be utter crap, but I doubt most people's first tries are all that great.
I'm still trying to edit my first one. My novella was easier to write because I treated each chapter as a scene. I'm back to my second novel; I have the characters and the plot. Now, I just need to write. I started on it a few years back and it stalled. I started reading my first few chapters and realized I was "telling" instead of "showing." The first few chapters came out more like background information. So now, I'm rewriting those first chapters and looking for more "showing" description. The stuff I wrote is useful, but only for me to keep track of the story plot. Anyway, I'm going to finish it this year and then work on my idea for the LA Farmers Market. I have a great character; now I just need to clean up some of the plot.
You just indirectly gave me some really good advice, actually, because I definitely would have written the first few chapters as telling and not showing. Thank you :)
I'm glad I helped. That is something I struggle with a lot of the time. That and forgetting to add details to descriptions. It's a learning process. ;-)
Oh what a terrifying thing to witness and what a horror to be trapped with a dead body. Great description!
That is decidedly creepy! Like a bad dream!
You have no idea how many nightmares this story (or rather, the one I based it on) gave me when I was a kid hahaha.
As I said yesterday, love the writeup and would love to read more about what happened. I just saw it's inspired by a story you used to hear as a child....did it have an ending, what happened to the other girl? :D
Aaaand I'm in charge of delivering the prompt for today, so here you go -
https://steemit.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/day-215-5-minute-freewrite-tuesday-prompt-monkey-s-wedding
There was never an ending other than the message on the wall! I added the part with the door so there would be a cliffhanger. I suppose you'll have to leave it up to the imagination whether or not she escaped. :)
Oh, good. In that case, she smashed her way out through the window after getting a good photo of the murderer which helped get him convicted, and then in a weird twist she started visiting him in jail to try and make sense of it all and then he fell in love with her but not she with him. Except she was into emotional bdsm and she knew he would kill her if he could, even though he loved her, and she never quite admitted to herself how titillating someone being in love with her who would kill her but who couldn't was. And then he got cancer and died, leaving his vast fortune to her.
Excellent writing, incredibly captivating, gathering me into their lives and connection. Just wish I wasn't getting ready to go to bed after that extra special creepy ending! This is why I don't watch horror movies ;)
I don't either! I STILL get nightmares from The Ring, and I saw that movie when it came out in theaters when I was 15.
Well, I'm about to date myself here, but it started for me watching Children of the Corn when I was probably 6 or 7 with an older kid and was then a done deal when a boy in 4th grade had his birthday party at the movie theater for Nightmare on Elm Street. I swore off horror for good right then.
This is the kind of story I truly like to read. It drove my attention very quickly and had a gloomy end as I usually enjoy them to be haha. Nice job!