Living on a Boat for Two Years Shaped My Life
I have concerns about our culture and its need for comfort above all else. Entitlement is running rampant. How are we building character?
Adventures - my home in 1994-1996
When I was a sophomore in high school, my parents ran into financial trouble, and we had to sell our house and move on to a 48-foot sailboat named Adventures they half-owned. The original idea was to sail the world, or some such craziness, but really it was the only fall-back plan they had. Sounds exotic. It wasn't. We were out on a mooring and had a nasty El Niño that year. I can remember the rain soaking me to my socks while picking up family members at the dock via our dingy. You could say we were early adopters though, since we were the only ones I knew with pagers. To get home, you had to drop a quarter in the 15th street pay phone (yes, back when those were still a thing), send a code of "15", and hope whoever you paged wasn't taking a nap.
There were 5 of us on board. My brother was off to college, my sister and I were two years apart and my little brother (11 years younger) was there along with my parents. We didn't have much money and sometimes used the oven to heat the boat. I got used to reading and doing homework by oil lamp. I'll never forget the cold showers. By a sick twist of fate, I also broke my left arm in half that year (I still have two plates and 11 screws in there). We had no TV and very little entertainment. Prior to 1995, I hated reading. I ended up reading 13 books that summer. I started with Tom Clancy novels and Stephen King's Dark Tower series. I found a love for reading which has served me to this day. I've now graduated to audio books at 3x speed which sits very well with my recently discovered audio-visual learner tendencies (thanks, mild dislexia). :)
I learned how to make due with what I have. I learned some of the true values of life. One Christmas on that boat, having no money, we all wrote each other letters detailing how much we love, respect, and appreciate one another. To this day, that was one of the best Christmases I've ever had.
Real life, the love you have for family and friends, doesn't change whether you are with or without money. What does change (if you let it) is your character and your sense of entitlement.
That's a lesson I could only learn having been with money and without it. True character can't be bought or borrowed. It has to be earned via the experiences of life. Don't complain about your circumstances. Instead, look for opportunities to implement perseverance. Take note of the character you're building and ask yourself if it could be built any other way.
You can only know what you're made of when you're truly in the fire. Don't jump out too quickly. Comfort isn't always worth the price you'll pay in the long run to miss out on the character you need.
Love this post. The idea of sharing "what I appreciate about you" letters as gifts vs more material goods is inspiring to me. And I especially appreciate the last paragraph:
"You can only know what you're made of when you're truly in the fire. Don't jump out too quickly. Comfort isn't always worth the price you'll pay in the long run to miss out on the character you need."
This. This. This.
Comfort is overrated. I mean, we all seek it (me included), but stewing in discomfort for a while is usually where growth and transformation happen. 👍🏽
Thanks Cindy! :)
Fascinating story! I believe we went through some financial rough times in '88 and the country club was axed, found a less expensive private school and eventually a public school, went from two cars to one and through it all character was strengthened and the love within the family did not waiver at all. Though many families did not make it out unscathed as people tend to split up when the fancier and glamorous parts of life vanish.
For those that will one day be entering into serious relationships, It's the one thing I suppose you should be sure of... what will my partner do if life situations take a turn for the worse and more importantly, what will I do. The advice to not jump out of the fire too quickly is quite sound (do not always run from adversity).
Yes! Very well said and very important advice for a lasting relationship.
We all these experience that seems so hard for us. Me and my family were once a victim of huge flood that happened 4yrs ago which took everything we had inluding our house. None would say it was a good experience because it is not, but we just to accept it in order for us to move on and start a new beginning.
How do we build the right character ?
If I had to wager a guess: by responding to life-changing (often negative) circumstances with a positive attitude. Now, a positive attitude isn't the same thing as ignorance. I see it as looking for the best in any situation and using it to your advantage.
Sometimes you have to you know. I've been in this situation for I think 4 years now? The best thing you can do is not to struggle but find a way out even if it feels unpleasant and a step back. You just have to try and try and try again each time differently. There is always a way but it may be hidden (on purpouse), it may look steep way, too many turns or go seem to go backwards. If you unstick your mind from the beliefs which often got you there where you are now then success will come.
Success is often just perseverance over time combined with rational risk taking.
You're so good with words Luke, one day you'll become a scrabble Jedi!
Thats a crazy adventure! I love how you found joy in some next to crummy situations. I have a boat myself but only for fishing lol no living on it. ;)
That's the next best thing to having a friend who owns a boat. :)
Hahahah! Ya your right... BOAT Bust Out Another Thousand
Man that sounds pretty rough, and it's good you saw the best of the situation!
I have noticed that when everything comes easy we appreciate some things less than when we do compared to having to struggle first, and then it means THAT much more because we know what it was like without it.
Exactly. On a basic, primitive level, we're just comparative engines. We compare and contrast in order to survive. This is why many rich people are very unhappy. For them, if the lobster bisque isn't quite right, that might be the worst tragedy of their day and impact their emotional state just as the worst part of our day might. It's all about perspective and expectations.
Its an experience that made you what you are. You wouldn't be where you are right now without that experience. I know you treasured that moments in your life and I felt like asking how enjoyable it was back then.
That's a really good question. I was younger and more pliable, so I think I rolled with the punches pretty easily. There were certainly parts I hated, like not living in the same neighborhoods as my high school friends and missing out on parties because I couldn't get a ride. There were also parts I loved, such as sunrises and sunsets most people only see on postcards. As to my feelings... I guess I could say they were fully alive.
I love this story man.
I'm pretty young right now but once I'm 18, I plan to get rid of everything I own, become a minimalist, only take what I can carry on my back and just spontaneously travel the world.
And you're right. Experiences and happiness and love for friends and family are the most important principles to a fulfilling life.
Too many people these days are stuck in the consumeristic trap of materialism and are too worried about what others think and how people see them. The problem is that they fail to see the bigger picture and what really matters in life.
Thanks so much for posting this.
Thanks @steemrocket. I think that's the perfect time in life to do that. As you get to know yourself, you'll be better prepared to connect with someone else. I'm not against stuff, but I do see how it can control us. The key, as with most things, is balance.
Exactly, and @juvyjabian sure I will ;)
When that time comes, let me know coz I'm going to take a look on what you have and ask it to be mine.
i love boats , great post as always ! @lukestokes
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Having lived outside of the States for a number of years now, I wonder what brings you to these conclusions. Do you have any examples of this lack of character and growing sense of entitlement? If so, I would love to hear about them.
I also wonder if character is something that we can actually work on building by ourselves. I think that to consciously improve one's character, one must be aware of his/her own shortcomings, or even changes in character, which is probably one of the most difficult things in life to do. Often we need obstacles or challenges of some kind to humble and shape us.
Perhaps those who feel entitled haven't been challenged hard enough or knocked down far enough in their lives yet. Or maybe they've just forgotten the lessons they once learned.
I'm also curious, regarding your experience on the boat, what role did your parents play in the way that you accepted and handled this situation?
Since you're outside of the U.S., you may not notice it as much as someone here. It's a number of things including the ridiculous "safe spaces" nonsense going on at college campuses today. The sense of entitlement can also be seen by those who expect a career right off the bat with no experience or to immediately own a house other generations spend decades earning. Today they are bought up with insane interest only or negative interest loans which had no small part to play in the financial crisis.
Yeah, that was kind of the point of my post. :)
Everyone experiences some form of dissappointment, even the rich who's lobster bisque isn't quite right. It's all about how we respond.
As for the role my parents played, that's a really good question. They aren't around anymore for me to talk with them more about it, but as a high schooler, I was pretty self absorbed at the time (as most high schoolers are). I'm not sure I can effectively judge how much they influenced that specific time in my life other than to say they influenced all of my life. They loved me unconditionally which is more than anyone can ask for.
I do know that whenever I go back to the States, I'm very surprised by the way people conduct themselves at work, especially in the service industry--at restaurants and stores. I often feel like I'm interrupting their personal free time when I'm the customer and they're at work. It drives me crazy! As for your other examples, those are things I haven't heard much about. Hmmmm. What can be done about this?
As for my questions about your parents, I really wonder how much of parenting style and upbringing has to do with the way we turn out as young adults and onward, and also how we handle challenges.
My parents had a pretty open style of parenting. They let me be very independent, and always supported me, although I felt a pretty big divide between my father and I until I reached my mid-twenties. For whatever reason, I feel like I've grown up with a positive attitude and the ability to overcome anything. I don't know what makes the difference in people.
Thanks for the response!
what a wonderful experience, priceless :)
It really is something which we can't put a price on. I often think about what my life would be like without that experience, and it doesn't look as good without it.