Fap Off

In a tiny town in a dusty far off corner of the west there was a prophecy of a mighty fapper who would one day return from his wandering ways to claim that which he left. Most livin' wise men thought the prophecy was about the Mayor. He was the fastest fapper there was. His black hat, black duster, black boots and black guns were known throughout the town. He could kill a man where he stood from a mile away, he could ride for 3 days straight, he could navigate by the stars in a lightening storm, and he could fap like no one before him.

Many folks travelled to the town to meet the fastest fapper. Some even challenged him to a fap off, but all of them lay breathless now. Theirs souls paid the price for their arrogance.

They said the fastest fapper once had a lady friend he loved dear. Back then he was just an average guy, and not the menacing fapper of lore. But on the eve he meant to propose she skipp'd town nev'r to be seen again. He swore off love from that day forth, dawned his black coat, found his way to dirty photos, and set into town to lay down the law. While the town mostly knew peace it came at expense of fapping liberty for all.

This went on for nearly 20 years when one day a stranger stepped into town. He had a stare that could freeze a volcano, a grit about him that made the bravest men step aside, and the spurs on his boots would shake the earth when he stepped. Well that stranger walked straight into the center of town and declared "This town is now mine. I'm the law. There's a new sheriff in town, and ain't no one better question that."

Well, just as the young man expected it didn't take long for the townsfolk to alert the Mayor. And for the Mayor to make his fateful walk to the town square.

Step by careful step he made his way to the center of town. Confidence filled him, but when he laid eyes upon the man he had the briefest sensation. There was somethin' familiar about the man in front of him. He couldn't know it just by lookin', but he could feel it balls to bone. Something wasn't right, and for the first time in a long time the Mayor's brow began to sweat, and the tiniest hint of fear shivered through him.

The two men stood there. 20 ft apart. Engaged in nothin' but prolonged eye contact. Neither man moved. The town had gathered, but you wouldn't know it 'cept for the hushed breathing and creaking of the doors and windows nearby. "Well, said the mayor... I guess we better get on with it then."

The stranger looked him over. "I reckon' so."

The wind picked up and let out a little whistle. A ball of praire grass blew through, and the ravens cawwed.

Before the undertaker could finish his breath the two men started their fateful act. The Mayor's hand was nuthin' but a blur. No one but Eagle Eye Hawkins could even make out the movements. The same were true of the stranger in town. Through it all the two men maintained eye contact, and for the faintest of reasons the Mayor saw a twitch in the face of the stranger which reminded him of his old love. For a brief moment he blinked his eyes and pictured his would have been wife those 20 years ago. He savored the moment he first saw her bare breasts. He remembered the soft touch of her skin. He thought of the times they shared their sweet love. He could feel his body tighten, and his manhood commence... but in his ear he heard a whisper "I'm already done..."

The Mayor gasped and clutched his chest... he was falling, slowly to the ground. A strange mix of death in his eyes and peace in his heart as it all made sense to him and he could see the girl he loved walking towards him from the heavens. The stranger watched him fall, souless and lifeless. The gathered crowd shook their heads and walked away. The townfolk headed home save the undertaker who made his way to the body.

The stranger watched while the undertaker took the lifeless corpse away. A tear came to his eye, and inwardly he said "I'm sorry you had to go like that... dad."

He dusted off his hat, and made his way to his new home; the Mayor's mansion.

---

I'm aware this shit is weird... but it's lovejuice... what were you expecting? Enjoy the bidbot (0.1 SBD and a transfer note with a url) and beware the Fapper of Prophecy. He may just steal your soul.