New years is over. Time to get your shit together. / Comedy openmic week #44
Alright. You had your fun. You got drunk and did some stupid shit last night.
The wife is threatening you with divorce papers and your friends laughing at how you, piss drunk, peed on that fern in that cheap ass bar you went to in front of everyone.
Time to get your shit together.
The girl in the short skirt you had some fun with isnt someone you can build your life with.
And dont lie, those were not "D" cups. "B"cups at best.
Your bragging rights stop when the alcohol evaporates.
Its january you prick. Alimony isnt cheap and you like that Audi parked in your driveway. You never let the wife drive it.
Oh, shes going to be driving it now.
Your boy is only 12. No high fives for you there.
Get your shit together man. Its January and youre in it deep.
January is the "monday" of months and coffee wont pick you up this time.
Scissors are cheap but that isnt the answer. Snip snip. Thats too messy. 100$ an hour is what youre looking at. Counseling isnt cheap, but you should have thought about that when you went to the wrong bathroom "on accident" last night.
Time to get your shit together man. Summer is months away. All you have now is snow and rain.
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😀 A quick write-up since some people openly dislike my actifit posts. Haha.
I nominate my arch enemy @soundwavesphoton. He thinks hes funny but i have yet to see a @comedyopenmic post from him.
And i nominate @phoneinf. Because he disapeared and i have no idea where he ran off to. 😉
Ill see you around. Keep on steeming and keep away from strong liquor. Leave that to me.😂
Happy New Year everyone! ❤
Hi lordbutterfly,
Thank you for your entry in to #comedyopenmic comedy contest. We have asked the judges below to review your entry and give it a funny rating. (They generally have no sense of humor, as the saying goes, those that can't do, start contests and judge).
This will determine your ultimate position when the results are tallied. (That being said, you are free to adopt any position you wish - we can recommend pantsless with beer in hand.)
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Thank you to @matytan for the great banner
I'll be weighing in on the alcohol if you don't mind. A wise man once said, "the best way to know the size of a breast is through fondling"
Haha. Thats great advice!
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