RE: ADSactly Short Stories - Trumping Expectations: A Class Reunion
"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it"
Mark Twain.
I'm so glad to read you again @royalrose... This one is a more lightness text than Deaths for a Happy Box but still keeps your quality innate.
I want to share with you and all the @adsactly readers, some structural and deeper things about your article. Maybe my issues could be good for your futures texts.
| Forgive or not forgive?: sometimes that's the real question |
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I think you handled perfectly the tension and mystery of the story. I confess that until last paragraph I really hoped than Juliet revenge the prank. And I thought that because you make me do it, and I loved it!
In that sense, I congratulate you because the way that you describe the story is simple but wonderful. She always appears as a very measured woman although Jude tries to demonize her; a constant strip and shrink between the main character and the story itself (fascinating!).
At the end, the best one always wins. She showed him that in reality, he had never forgiven himself for the humiliation he had done to her. In addition, the purity of her soul made him understand that work, regardless of its nature, ennobles rather than humiliates.
| Now, some points to discuss (?): |
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Dialogs: I think you should improve the format, it feels a bit dirty and in some moments, it generates distraction. The use of a hyphen to separate the voice of the character and the voice of the narrator harmonizes the text because it allows to differentiate completely the tones of each one.
Some blanks: Why talk about particular illegality that surrounded the company if you were not going to write about it again? That generates unnecessary expectations that disappoint a retail reader. I also think that it was necessary to add something more to the moment in which they meet in the supermarket. It was a bit simplistic and it detracted the excellent work that you were doing. Generating a little more tension between both characters before starting such a friendly conversation seems very opportune.
I really enjoyed the serenity of this reading @royalrose. I hope my comments don't bother you because I do them using my experience as a graduate in literature. I know that because of your work, your experience is greater than mine (I have little time with my degree) but given how much I enjoy reading you, I wanted to give you my contribution.
And finally but not less important: thanks @adsactly, for let me read this wonderful texts.
This right here is constructive criticism. Thank you! I'm not the least bit bothered because I appreciate how you put it down.
I've taken note of your mentions and I will do better. I'll learn more about using hyphens to separate voices because I'm a bit lost on that.
Your words show that you follow my writings, for that I'm immensely grateful. Please feel free to point out corrections when you deem necessary. Thanks again.