"The panther grabbed me" - encounters with the Mother

I sat in the circle of light. The sacred bonfire in the middle was crackling and conversing with itself. The ring of torches fended off the dark night beyond.

I was sitting upright on my yoga mat, "firm and strong" as they say, patiently waiting for Mother Ayahuasca to start to take hold. Dona Francisquinha, a kind and gentle"grandmother" from the Amazon in Acre (the north of Brazil), a forest healer and famous mid-wife, had already lead the circle of people in singing some songs of her people the Shawãdawa, gentle simple repetitive incantations to the elements and to love and to community and to peace. Accompanied by her daughter and son-in-law (a mountain of a man who pierces you with his gaze), and even her little grandson sleeping gently in a bundle of blankets by her feet, resplendent in pretty white clothing and crowned with an elaborate feather head-dress, they look striking in the upshot light of surrounding candles.

But now we all sat in meditative silence, contemplating the crackling bonfire, one by one entering into the force, entering into the sway of the dark raw unharnessed natural power of the Mother. Occasionally the silence was broken by the sound of gagging as one person or another slipped into the dark to purge their stomach contents into the surrounding forest vegetation, giving back to nature what they didn't want or need anymore.

I sat there a long time, and wondered maybe if tonight would be a gentle night, I didn't seem to be feeling any effect, one never knows how it's going to go. I needed to pee, so I got up and wandered towards the forest to find a quiet dark spot to squat. The very moment that I passed out of the light of the ring of torches and calmly entered into the inky darkness of the forest, without warning, I felt as though I were suddenly whacked, and had a sudden and dramatic flash vision of the face of a black panther, as though it had pounced on me, brightly fragmented into minuscule colourful geometric fractals, with fierce feline eyes. In the same instant I vomited onto the forest floor. The vision was a flash. Already it was gone, but now the forest was alive with shimmering dark green and purple shapes organically shifting and twisting in the dark, the fantastical forms of the vegetation of the Atlantic forest, ferns, palms and bromeliads, manifesting, twisting, then dissolving again into the dark. I was not alone. I felt the dark primal presence of the Mother, like the forest was breathing gently, shallowly, the forms of the foliage were moving almost like would the sinuous twisting form of a snake. A shift in reality was opening the window to the living consciousness of the forest.

And so it began.

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I did the below drawing a couple of days after this ceremony to remember the striking moment that the "onça me pegou".

♪♪oia oia a onça na ponta da areia! a onça te pega e traz a certeza♪♪

I did not take the below photo but borrowed it from "Lar Sagrado Arco Íris" who hosted Dona Francisquinha for a 'pajelança', I was very silly and never asked to take a selfie with Dona Francisquinha myself, and I generally shy away from taking lots of photos at such sensitive events, but I wanted to show you her wonderful ceremonial outfit.

I feel so much gratitude for the moments of healing I have been afforded through contact with the shamanic and also Santo Daime communities here in Paraty, Brazil, as well of course to the various shamans, healers and witches who travel the country to share their traditions and the opportunities for healing. Ahoooo!