Overwhelmed

I don’t want to feel open
And vulnerable—
At the mercy of everything,

I want to feel secure,
Closed in and contained.

That’s why I prefer cities—
Big sky country
Intimidates me.

In open spaces
I can’t find a bookmark,

Too much space and place
I’m afraid of getting lost…
Inside me.

That’s why I’m disoriented
Out in the country,
Where the sky’s too big
For the eye to contain.

I don’t want to be swamped—
I want stars the way
I always see them—
Through alleyways or trees.

I want night shredded
By tall buildings
Into narrow strips
Of faint stars in a purple haze;

And I’ve always been this way.

Maybe that’s why I shrink back
When you come on too strong
And I push back
Feeling overwhelmed.

Yes, I can only take anything
In small amounts…
Including you;

I know saying this may hurt—
That’s a given—
But in my small way
That’s how I love things,
If it’s any consolation.