The Rolling Stone

The Rolling Stone

Jenna:
We are speaking with Mr. Keith Richards today who has just turned the impressive age of 100. How do you feel Keith?

Keith:
Why Jenna, I feel like a million bucks. Ha, ha, ha.

Jenna:
Now Keith I’m sure you’re tired of hearing this, but you seem to have a “Benjamin Button” thing going on. Ever since you tuned 80, it seems like you’ve started getting younger. Can you explain this? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Curious_Case_of_Benjamin_Button_(short_story)

Keith:
Just good gene’s I guess Jenna.

Jenna:
I wish I knew your secret. It’s been almost 15 years since the passing of the other Rolling Stones members, do you miss them and how have you been making out as the last surviving member of the Rolling Stones? Also, why have you dropped the (s) at the end of Stones?

Keith:
All great questions Jenna. After Mick, Ronnie and Charlie passed, it just didn’t feel right going ahead as the Stones when I was the only one left, so I dropped the (s). I’m now The Rolling Stone and I keep rocking along. Of course I miss those guys, but you know at the same time we had a good run. The new group (The Rolling Stone) brings a fresh approach to the music and Johnny Bonanza’s singing is pretty diverse and awesome. I also like to write with him. He can pull off Mick’s stuff, yet brings something new as well.

Jenna:
I still can’t get over how you don’t look a day over 50 now and you rock out harder than all the other more youthful members of the band.

Keith:
I’m not going to escape this question am I Jenna, just like I could never escape the old blood transfusion thing, ha, ha, ha.
See, I’ve always actually had an interest in new medical ideas and strategies. Every few years, ever since I was about 25 I have had a number of small cellular biopsy’s cryogenically preserved in case I was ever to need them in the future. I guess I was also gambling that new therapies might come along. I have a good friend that is really into this stuff. I invested quite a lot of my money into his company. In return I have been a bit of a Guinea pig for some of his far out research…. seems to have paid off, I guess.

Jenna:
I’m not really following you.

Keith:
Yeah, I don’t really fully understand the science either. He says that life extension has to do with these telomere things in our cells, on our chromosomes. They apparently get shorter as we age and then one day we’re super old. Then we die.

Jenna:
So you have replicated old Keith Richard cells with longer telomeres and implanted them into yourself, thus reversing the aging process.

Keith:
I’m sure that there is more to it than that, but that’s a good summation. They’ve been sticking and prodding me with weird shit for decades now, but every day I feel like a million bucks, so I’m like “go to it guys”.

Jenna:
How come the other Stones didn’t look into these therapies.

Keith:
Well, don’t get me wrong, this stuff is anything but cheap. It’s a personalized medicine and costs tens of millions of dollars. I’ve gotten frustrated with friends while debating this topic. My wealthy friends are all investing their money into what they hope will be the next Facebook, Butabee or new flying car application, which is fine, but for me I’d rather have a hundred million dollars and my health then twenty billion dollars and be dead, like Bono. They strived to acquire all this wealth, but in reality time is the ONLY thing of true value after your basic needs are covered. Fuck them, I’m alive… is all I can say now. What you invest your wealth in, is actually pretty important.

Jenna:
So where to from here Keith?

Keith:
Well, I’ve been spending some time with my great grand kids and teaching them how to rock and roll the old school way. Computers are a nice tool for mixing and recording, but one can lose all the feel and emotion of a song if you get lost in it. For me a song isn’t meant to be programmed, but felt, you know what I mean?

Jenna:
Do you mean it comes out too perfect if created exclusively with a computer?

Keith:
Yeah, Kind of; If everything is too perfect, you start to sound like a robot. It’s the microtones between the notes and out of time solo’s that hit my heart the hardest. Computer’s try and fix those things but in turn they destroy the magic and soul of the music.

Jenna:
I feel that Keith. A lot of today’s music just all sounds the same doesn’t it.

Keith:
That’s because it is all the same. Hopefully this will continue to change. Things have been looking up the last ten years or so. Some good stuff is happening again! People are actually beginning to learn real instruments again.

Jenna:
I have seen a resurgence from some younger players in going old school. Unfortunately, there was that period between 2014 and 2030 where music just seemed to be dead. We’re talking lowest common denominator.

Keith:
ABSOLUTLY! It was painful. It almost made me want to stop my treatments and end it all. Instead I just went back further. I began to really hear cats like John Coltrane, Clifford Brown, Miles, etc. I dug deep into the old blues as well, which has always been a staple of mine. I’ve even taken some classical music composition classes. I also fell in love with the traditional New Orleans music. That stuff bumps along, but also has a strange sadness in its soul, that is unlike any other style I have ever heard. All that music is real.

Jenna:
What do you think happened?

Keith:
I actually know exactly what happened. When music became devalued to basically nothing around 2010-2018, the real player’s (not necessarily the most famous), had to get jobs washing dishes and mopping floors. I mean I was fine, cause I was already wealthy, but those poor young player’s trying to make it with a new record or playing a circuit were screwed. It was never easy, but during that time, the only player’s on the scene were the ones with rich parents that fed them cash on a monthly basis, and rich doesn’t equal talented…trust me. Yeah, it all went to hell. But enough about that. Things are really picking up now a days and I see a lot of hopefuls coming up.

Jenna:
So, on the new album you explore some very different open tunings. What brought this on.

Keith:
Well, I had bought a “Gillis Capo Guitar”, back in 2018 and played around with it a bit, but recently, I just started exploring the shit out of its capabilities and now I finally GET IT. I’m doing open tunings that I would never have attempted with a normal guitar. It has opened up about a million new doors for my creative needs. Simply awesome.

Jenna:
Yes, I have heard of these. There is a story about its creator (John Archie Gillis), that he and his distant relative John Anthony Gillis were both summoned to the Crossroads by the devil at the same time. Apparently John Anthony sold his soul and John Archie did not. What do you know about this tale?

Keith:
I’ve heard some rumors… but I must wrap up Jenna, sorry.

Jenna:
Oh, ok, well thank-you Keith for your time. Best of luck with the new album.

Keith:
Thanks love.