What Do the People You Know Have To Say About You?

If you have ever felt uncomfortable in front of a crowd or talked to people who don't really know you, it's probably because you think to yourself "what do the people you know have to say about me?" You might be thinking to yourself that you've had these experiences before. You might be right. But if you can't find out why they don't like you, how do you know what to do differently to make them like you?

You don't have to be the only one with these thoughts, because there are plenty of other people in your circle of friends and family who also have been through something that you are still going through right now. What do the people you know have to say about you anyway? Here are some ideas:

• A lot of times the only thing the people you know have to say about you is negative. They tell you how mean and dumb you are and tell you that you'd better not do that or else they'll laugh at you. Or they'll say something like "She's so unfair," or "She doesn't even care about her own friends." And this only fuels more of the fire, causing you more pain and unhappiness than you already are.

• Another thing that people sometimes say to those they barely know, is "I wish I could stand up for myself like she does." This is pretty common, as well as a perfectly reasonable one. There are plenty of people in this world who are held back by their own insecurities, and having to constantly defend yourself just makes you feel worse about yourself in general. So, when someone says to you "You're not special enough to stand up for yourself," what do you say? "Oh, really now?" Usually they're not, but if you spend enough time around those kinds of people you'll get the idea.

• One of the most devastating things that people will say to those they hardly know, is "You're boring." This is said often enough that it becomes an almost daily event, where you're either doing something like eating alone all day or talking to your friends on the phone. And then there's the comment about your hair. The implication is that your hair is the sign of your age, and therefore you should just roll over and let nature take its course. What do the people you know have to say about you when you're this boring?

If you want to know how to deal with people who have this "can't say things to people" problem, try going out for dinner with a few of your new acquaintances. Find someone to talk to who doesn't automatically criticize everything you do, and ask them what they think. Chances are they'll have something good to say to you, and you can learn from what they say.