Learning through heart break. . .

In my early twenties I just wanted to have fun, I thought about marriage, but deep down inside I was afraid of commitment. Internally I would sabotage relationships, It’s hard to admit, I really didn’t feel like I deserve love. I felt, I had to earn it. It’s impossible to please and make someone happy, who are not happy with themselves. That’s what I attracted, a couple of insecure guys, who did commit, but had a lot of issues such as anger, alcohol or immaturity. I am grateful for the experiences, even though it was hard, it taught me some valuable lessons.

Unfortunately, I caused a heart break, by not being honest with myself. I entered a relationship with a person I knew was not right for me, I knew I could not give him what he needed. When I finally faced my past relationship experiences, I had to put my big girl panties on and own up to my responsibility. I made it my business to apologize to him for the hurt and unnecessary stress I added to his life, because I was not ready. Happy to say he has forgiven me and we’ve been friends since.

Now that I am in my thirties, I know what I want and my intuition is heightened! I started dating smarter and less selfish. I know this sound strange, however, when I meet guys, I honestly can tell what they want by small talk. I can determine that I will not be a good fit for them, tell them up front respectfully and don’t waste their time. I refused to compromise and settle because of loneliness or sadness, it’s only a state of mind, and in a moment I will get over it.

Recently my friends have titled me the Nope girl! Nope I don’t get drunk and oops I ended up in someone bed, there is no such thing as an oops. Nope I don’t see a co-worker who I know is a groupie and just let him tag a long because he makes me feel good about myself or tells me how beautiful I am, I have a mirror for that. Nope, I am not the girl who need to help a married man deal with marital issues, that’s what his wife is for. Nope, I am not the girl who wants a twenty-year older man, because I think their mature and I can relate to, that’s what my dad’s for. Nope, I don’t need a man to pay my bills and be his everything, I have a job for that.

Those are some examples of why they call me the nope girl. Life is too short to allow crap in it. I rather be happy single or with someone that is worth being with. At this point in my life no one is worth a heart break.