Who Am I | Steem Untalented

Basically I am an introvert who tend to keep in silent and act as if I am not around, lol. Even I use hananan as my username which means anonymous.

I always consider my self as an emotional person who easily can put my self on other's shoes, yet most of my friends called me robot or heartless girl, as I barely show what I feel inside of me. Most of my friends "think" that I don't have any feeling while I actually just don't know how to express it.

Before you judge me try to understand me.

How I Become Like This?

Let's go back to the point where it all started.

I am the third child of three brothers. My real name is Hanifa Annisa means righteous girl (I hope so, haha). During my childhood I used to be a bullying object due to my family condition. As the youngest in family no one would listen to my idea, but they would listen to my sister, so whenever I wanted to share my idea I'll tell it to my sister and then sister will speak up for me.
As long as I remember I love arts and stuff, in my childhood I love drawing but my family consider these kinda thing as a useless thing even my mom said that I'm so Untalented, and asking me to forget about drawing and study seriously. Since my childhood I don't have my right to do what I really love, I have to always following what my mom wanted me to do, what to study, how to act, etc. I think these are the main reason of my inability to talk.

Heartless? Am I?

I am growing up in a conflict situation. I come from Aceh specifically Banda Aceh, The western part of Indonesia. Previously there are a freedom movement in this region, but since 2005 Aceh is in peace with Indonesia. So I was growing up in this kinda situation where sometimes you don't need to go to school because your school just got bombed! You hear some stories from your friends whose house burning down, a friend who losing her finger because bullet cut it off, or sometimes you will got a news of someone you know die in gun fire.

War does not determine who is right — only who is left.”
― Anonymous

Besides all these killings and violence, on 26th December 2004 there are more bloodshed in Aceh. Around 7.40 am Tsunami (a big wave) destroyed my town. I lost more than half of my relatives and friends, as my house not completely destroyed thus who remain alive made my house as a shelter, death body, crying, grief, and so forth is something that I see everyday at that time. This is the hardest part of my life, at this rate I FORGOT THE WAY TO CRY, and I become more quite than before as at that time if you said something wrong somebody will start to cry.

Everything happens for a reason

My Turning Back Point

As Tsunami destroyed Aceh region, The freedom movement have no other choice besides giving up. There are also so many NGO around my town, like WHO, Save The Children, UNICEF, etc. I learn much from them and I have participated in some of their activities. Around this time I also decided to take a leadership training, at that time I was 12. During this training I have to speak in public, socialized and learn some leadership basic. Because of this training today I could speak well in a formal forum (still awkward in informal situation tho, hahaha) & I will fight back anyone who tries to bully me.

My Goals

I was graduated from archaeology department (mom's decision), yet though this is not what I love, I do my best and I become one of the best students. Right now my goal is to get a scholarship for master degree. Why should I? Because mom said so! Hahaha

Anyway I have my personal goal. I wanted to find out my real ability. At 1st when I joined Steemit I just wanted to sharpen my writing ability for study purposes (but... I find out I'm not good in it). I've participated in several contest like drawing contest, photography & culture. I got the 1st place in B&W photo Contest on my 1st try & I use only a 2MP phone Camera, this is might be not something big, but I started to believe in my ability, also since I joined steemit I started to learn drawing and stuff. I think Steemit has shown me my path and here I found out that I am not as untalented as what they say.

Practice Makes it perfect

My Dream

I wanted to help poor children and let them live freely with no worry about what will they eat tomorrow. Because every child's deserves a childhood. I feel heart broken whenever I see street children, they are not supposed to be there. I've became volunteer for several times, teaching and sharing what I have with these children always can give me some happiness. The smiles of these little Angeles are able to bring warmth to those around them. I am thinking to build a wonderful orphanage or something similar sometime in the future.

Yes: I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.”

• Oscar Wilde