goodjokes (45)in #funny • 5 years agoGlossaryGlossary Innings: the amount of time left before afternoon snack, divided by nine.goodjokes (45)in #funny • 5 years agoExpectationsExpectations It never goes over very well.goodjokes (45)in #funny • 5 years agoOld GuyOld Guy People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.goodjokes (45)in #funny • 5 years agoOld GuyOld Guy "The tip's for carding me," he said. The bartender put the change in the tip cup. "Thanks," he said. "Works every time."goodjokes (45)in #funny • 5 years agoConcernConcern With a shaking voice, he asked, “Do I have to drink it?”goodjokes (45)in #funny • 5 years agoBedsideBedside “Heck,” he continued, “you have a better chance of dying from the anesthesia than the surgery itself.”goodjokes (45)in #funny • 5 years agoWrongWrong An ambulance! What do you think?!goodjokes (45)in #funny • 5 years agoMaking AmendsMaking Amends “I can’t sleep knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. Enclosed is a check for $150. If I still…goodjokes (45)in #funny • 5 years agoFriend’s PregnancyFriend’s Pregnancy One of my friends is pregnant. And I’m really excited. Not for the baby but because she’s one of my skinniest friends.goodjokes (45)in #funny • 5 years agoKitchen UtensilKitchen Utensil The mystery of the spoon/spatula was recently solved when I found one in its original packaging at a…goodjokes (45)in #funny • 5 years agoScooby-DooScooby-Doo Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and…goodjokes (45)in #funny • 5 years agoThe Walking DeadThe Walking Dead Watch The Walking Dead with someone who’s super into it so every time a zombie appears, you can…goodjokes (45)in #funny • 5 years ago80s Taught Her80s Taught Her If growing up in the ’80s taught me one thing, it’s that my friends and I should have found a treasure map by now.goodjokes (45)in #funny • 5 years agoWork EmailsWork Emails Take care. = This is the last you’ll ever hear from me. Cheers! = I have no respect for you or myself!goodjokes (45)in #funny • 5 years agoConfusionConfusion My cheeks instantly turned red. “No, I haven’t,” I said. “But I always thought …” The photographer…goodjokes (45)in #funny • 5 years agoBikini DangersBikini Dangers Probably the worst thing you can hear when you’re wearing a bikini is “Good for you!”goodjokes (45)in #funny • 5 years agoGrandkids BelongGrandkids Belong There she showed off her newly designed family room, complete with a single-plank, three-hole…goodjokes (45)in #funny • 5 years agoPicklePickle “How did you kill that fly all by yourself?” Between bites, she said, “I hit it with my pickle.”goodjokes (45)in #funny • 5 years agoBaseball GlossaryBaseball Glossary Line drive: the reason you can’t play shortstop. Innings: the amount of time left before…goodjokes (45)in #funny • 5 years agoLanguage TapesLanguage Tapes During the night, the tape skipped. Now I can only stutter in Spanish.
