If you could ask me 5 questions this is how it would go...

Grab My Attention In 47 Words!

I once owned a 100+ year old human lung which I named Gargamel but unfortunately it was stolen by a guy who worked in lawn and garden at Home Depot. For zany adventures like this and so much more come along for the ride of your life.

(1)Who The Heck Is This Guy?

I'm William. Call me William, unless we meet in real life, in which case...... HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU FIND ME?!?!

(2)What Do You Bring To The Party?

I'm a self taught photoshop enthusiast so I plan on sharing my Photoshop work as well as offering free photo editing to anyone interested. I also plan on sharing my hand crafted memes as well as blogging about various topics including Magic The Gathering, working in the oilfield, my pets, gaming, modern parenting, cooking, amateur photography, my worldly adventures and movies.

(3)Anything Else I Should Know?

My terrors include: dentists, architeuthis(giant squid), cymbals monkeys, photoshopped holes on human skin, and a body being pulled through an opening that it shouldn't be able to physically fit through. I once ordered an entire dessert menu in a restaurant in vegas(I only ate a bite of each dish and gave the rest away).

I believe in a multiverse where all possible things are happening in some dimension, at all times. I've only been to 3 continents. I once owned a human lung that I named Gargamel, but it was stolen(I am happy to tell the full story if anyone is interested). I don't care for gambling. Sports bore me except for combat sports, ninja warrior, and disc golf. I once drove over 100 mph down the full length of an airplane runway. Eddie Murphy predicted my sex to my mother at a comedy club when my mother was pregnant with me. The longest single plane ride I've ever been on was 12 straight hours. I've only ridden in a helicopter twice. I've eaten many exotic foods such as oxen, baboon, viper, alligator, dog, cat, and quinoa. My spirit animal is comedian Chris Farley. I was there on site when the original Dallas Cowboys stadium was demolished in Irving Texas(it was mind blowing). My secret shame is that I used to enjoy reading posts made by single Juggalos and Juggalettes on a FB group for single ICP fans. My favorite legal inebriant is a plant called Kratom. My favorite food is octopus.

If I was to suggest one book it would be Stephen King's The Gunslinger. If I was to suggest one thing to watch It would be Dirk Gently's holistic detective agency. My favorite anime is Berserk. I do some voice acting for a YouYube channel called "The Walking Bread" that makes a motion comic of The Walking Dead(I play Gregory as well as some extras).

I once touched the actor Carey Elwes(you can't tell in the photo but I'm openly weeping from excitement)

I got snubbed by pimp turned rapper Ice-T in an L.A. club once. I got to train at NASA. I was pickpocketed once in the London Underground. My favorite simple machine is a pulley. I have no known allergies. I'm type O negative (universal donor) in blood and metal. I'll try anything twice. I have 2 Pembrook Wealsh Corgis:
Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky IV(female)

Ein(male).

A Chihuahua named Sonic(male)

and a Great Dane named Ludo(male).

I also have a Sanpping turtle named ChTurga(male).

I have a wife named Zelda

2 daughter's named Addison and Emma

and a son named Ransom-Kingdom.

My next child's name will be Kefka Leonidas if it's a boy and Sonmi-451 Ripley if it's a girl.

(4)So What's Your Point?

Be it jokes, memes, stories of my adventures, or just a description of my day it's my life's mission to be ever helpful and always entertain. If you made it to the end then let me apologize for a lack of the obligatory kitten pic as i only have dogs. I can however offer a consolation prize, you can ask me any question(5) whatsoever and I'll answer honestly to the best of my ability.

Also id like to throw a shoutout to my cousin @longconjack for encouraging me to join Steemit so i can share my odd sense of humor and infectious personality with a growing community of awesome people.

All image and text credit goes to me with the exception of the comic character. That credit belongs to the fantastic artist of The Walking Dead comic, Charlie Adlard. Special thanks to Carey Elwes for letting me touch him. Also please note I did not pilot an actual power loader or fight a living Xenomorph, that was a lifesize statue at E3.

Now get out there and have an exceptional day fellow steemian!