Chapter 66: My GAWD!

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Thunder echo's thru the night, lightning flashes and a mighty explosion rocks the war-wagon and the immediate area.

Lightning is striking all around the war wagon. The sound is deafening even inside the vehicle.

Leonard is again, awake in an instant.

Ah Shit...not again. What’s it take to get some sleep around this place. This is almost as bad as an Oklahoma rest area. Leonard mutters.

The trucker and his partner look out the window.

A giant biped on a monster horse strides through the moonlight. He is surrounded by large carnivorous reptiles.
There are several of the lizards...they think the giant and it’s mount are easy meat.

He allows them to think that. One rushes in...the Giant leaps from his mount and does a spinning back kick, he connects with the lizard’s neck about the jawline with his heavy boots... crushes it’s jaw and breaks it’s teeth.

Another lizard lunges forward snapping, while the giant is off balance from the kick... The monster steed, totally obliterates the poor reptile. The kick from the giant’s mount is so explosive that the lizards chest is caved in. The remaining reptile is confused and sways from side to side a bit as if it doesn't know what to do. The giant human helps the poor thing make up it tiny mind. He leaps at the lizard which turns tail.The giant then plants a foot in the departing lizard’s backside to help it on it’s way. It goes sailing through the night.

The giant then turns and stands beside his massive steed...his hand upon it’s bridle.

He looks at the war-wagon. He looks at Leonard .

The Giant looks royally pissed. He mutters to his monster horse..

Damn varmints.....there went the neighborhood

Then he beckons for Leonard to come out and meet him.

Leonard and the baby Hell-Cat both speak in unison..
Uh Oh!.

Nope Leonard sighed, Not going to get much sleep tonight.

Leonard figures that whatever it is out there can pry them out of the war wagon like sardines out of a can if it really wants to.
Unlike the T-Rex's this thing looked to be fairly smart. Powerful too, judging from the devastation it just caused.

So what the hell. If that old coot wants him there's nothing for it. Might as well face him head on. Leonard dresses then puts on the WarWagon HUD and gets some cigars. He checks to make sure he has the remote controllers and puts one in each of his vest pockets, one on each side in the front..as if they were pistols. Then he opens the door and steps out. The hell-kitten follows... hovering in the air

The giant humanoid, the Gawd Odin, approaches and looms over the vehicle, the human and the kitten. The Gawd is immensely tall but seemed squat because he is so massive. Massive is the only way to describe Him.. He is huge. Everything about Him is huge. His legs are like tree trunks, His arms are like massive tree limbs and His chest and shoulders are like boulders. He looks like He could bench press a locomotive. He has a better beard than Leonard has.

Leonard ’s just a bit jealous about that.

The huge Gawd has an entourage. Besides the eight-legged horse, there are Wolves and Ravens. He has no lack of company. (eight legged horse? Leonard looked twice. Yup...eight legged it is)

The ravens were hovering at what just coincidentally were perfect camera angles.

Leonard hears a voice inside his head...calm and distinct from the voice of the bearded giant. Ok..looking good. Show some backbone now...be defiant.

Leonard could do that...putting his hands in his vest pockets Leonard separates the aim point on each mini gun so that they bracket the Gawd, then fires a couple of two second bursts. The dirt to either side of the bearded giant fountains into an eruption of dust, flying rock chips dirt and … Leonard is being VERY careful to NOT get too close. The wolves and the horse don’t even blink but they nod in approval. The Ravens rise just a touch higher.

Oh..very GOOD...nice touch. Now speak. Get Angry. Sound really miffed.

Said the quite, calm voice inside Leonard ’s head.

That impressed Leonard. Anything or anyone that could be calm and was cool as ice when down range of a gatling gun and facing it’s incoming fire was impressive..

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE FUZZ FACE! Leonard shouts.

The hell-kitten almost has apoplexy. He perchs and curls up on Leonard s shoulder....and whimpers.

The looming monster's eyes flash and he speaks.

Ahh...the human is brave...I like that. So there you are little one. I'd wondered what became of you. Is this the one who kidnapped you?

His voice is below bass...imagine thunder, or an earthquake speaking. The Gawd stepped a bit closer. He did the looming trick really well. He exuded menace.

Leonard fired a double traverse into the ground making another ‘Vee’ in front of the gawd..and his animals, twin fountains of devastation erupted... still a good bit away though….clean miss.

That's close enough, next burst goes to the gonads!!!. Leonard snarled.

PERFECT ! Keeep it up...keep it up.. this is SO good, respond to what I say says the quiet voice in Leonard 's head
The hell-kitten fell to the ground, put his hands over his head and mewled.

Leonard pulled a couple of cigars from somewhere looked at the Gawd, lifted one eyebrow, then held them out too him. The Gawd looked at it for a second with a puzzled expression then the light dawned. The Gawd pointed a finger at the cigars and a pair oftiny lightning bolts arced across and lit them. Leonard nodded, gave one cigar to the god then sucked on the stoogie in satisfaction.

The gawd looked on in bemusement. Then he followed suite. The big Cuban looked like a tiny cigarette in his mouth.

Leonard said.

I dint' kidnap no one, he came to me out of the dark for protection and companionship. He's my friend now and he can do as he pleases, if he chooses to stay with me I'll protect him. I'm a Texan by birth and the grace of Gawd, present company excepted. My name is Leonard Marshall. I'm fresh from the the war of secession for the Second Republic of Texas. Two ROT we’re calling it. I'm half mountain lion, half rattlesnake, with just a touch of snappin' turtle. I got the fastest truck, and now I got the ugliest cat, I’m the best shot, and the nastiest disposition in Texas. I don't back down for no man, gawd nor Devil.

Leonard inhaled rather deeply. That had been a mouthful. It had left him slightly out of breath.

Leave my little buddy alone...he's a good cat. Even if he is ugly as the south end of a northbound mule. he snarled at the huge biped.

Leonard then blew smoke in the direction of the god. The god reciprocated..the two smoke rings met midway. The collission was interesting to say the least.

Nooooooo, wailed the bat cat at the same time. It wasn't him, it was the Frost Demons, Leonard is a good human.

Oh this is lovely...lovely, Don’t stop now. said the still calm voice in Leonard 's head.

The Gawd settled into a massive throne, Hlidskialf, which had appeared out of nowhere, oddly enough it brought the giants face down to Leonard s eye level. In a voice that sounded like boulders rolling down a gorge, the Gawd said...

I know that little one...I was only testing your new companion. He's passed by the way. You did very well and I'm proud of you. You lived up to your design parameters.

The Gawd looked Leonard square in the eye and said in a subsonic thunderous rumble...

I approve of you….
…You have my blessing.

The Gawd glared at Leonard for an ominous second...then his demeanor changed and he said “CUT! THAT’s A WRAP!”

Then the ravens landed and the wolves plopped down to the ground.

Leonard was standing there with...a ceegar in his mouth..puffing like a freight train. He was a bit puzzled

Guru, the bat-kitten, sat up and began grooming, no longer panicked.

The Gawd looked at Leonard and winked....then leaned back and started laughing.

oh....that was good. That was sooo good. I haven't had such a good time in eons. You found a keeper little one.

The gawd pulled chairs and a table out of nowhere and sat them on the ground between himself and the human.

Have a seat said the Gawd. Even speaking quietly his voice had massive body and was deep as that of a bullfrog. It sounded as if he were in a well.

The Gawd then pulled a steaming hot coffee service from the same place and placed it on the table also.

Cream, milk or sugar ? he asked. Perhaps some cookies?

Leonard just stared. The cat flutter jumped upon to the table and meowed stiiiiiinky food.....yes!

The Gawd obliged..pulling a small bowl of stinky food AND a platter of warm chocolate chip cookies from out of nowhere. He then sat back in his throne, oddly enough this still brought his head about even with Leonard s. This was convenient for conversation.




Leonard sat down in a chair and drank some hot coffee. Absently he nibbled on a cookie. He waited for the other's to speak. He was totally out of his depth here.

The hell-kitten and the Gawd discussed the situation. After the kitten had completed the debriefing the Gawd turned to Leonard and said.I was serious. You done good boy

Leonard was still a little bit stunned. He nodded then said. Uh...what was all the hoo-raw about earlier. The different voices, the thunder and lightning and all that?

Heh said the God..well it's like this. I'm a Gawd see..or so close it makes no never mind. I have all these worshippers. They need to be entertained or they get restless. It’s a bad idea to let the type of people that worship god to get restless. History is chock full of the results.

Even worse, they might go to some other God, can’t have that. Having other Gods before me is bad ju-ju. I need the ad revenue, so I have to keep original content on my website. Those Christians are getting uppity lately so I needed some pushback. I had all that recorded. Notice the ravens did you, flying cameras. It's on my blog now. You're a hero.

Leonard choked a little A Hero?

Yup...but don't worry about it. It’s a little complex. Mob psychology always is. Lucky for you that all my worshippers...or blog followers...or fans...or whatever you want to call them...are pretty nice people. They wouldn’t bother you if they could. Most of them can’t, being that they are in another plane of existence. They're also a really long distance away...I doubt you'll ever be bothered by them.

Now let's get down to brass tacks. I'm getting a little bit tired of those chicken thieves. I thought Thor and I had whupped their scrawny asses good some time ago. Perhaps it’s time for a repeat performance? I’d rather not do that. It’s tough on the Real Estate. It’d be a shame about the planets.

What are they? asked Leonard .

…. the Gawd launched into a discussion concerning what sounded like the bastard child of religion, psychology and quantum chromodynamics.

He looked at Leonard , whose eyes were glazing and saidahem, You’re not falling asleep on me are you boy? I DO have your attention?

a grin visible through his beard.

Let me try again. Before I try explaining where they came from, let me start off by explaining what all of this is, Odin said quietly.

Leonard had been feeling his eyes glazing over, but now he was paying attention once again. It had been a long day, and even before he arrived here he’d been starting to get a bit tired.

I’m in an alternate universe, right? Leonard asked

How did you figure that out? the Odin asked in surprise.

I read a lot of sci-fi. Leonard Said.

Riiiiiiiiight. Well, about that alternate universe. There are infinite universes. But they are all congruent with each other. Think of transparent paper, suppose that you have 100 sheets of the stuff. And you draw circles of different sizes on different sheets of paper...you draw the circles all over the place...billions of them for each piece of paper. that would represent stars, planets, asteroids and ‘stuff. Different location on each piece of paper. BUT...in the fullness of time the circles move...they tend to line up with the circle on all the other pieces of paper ‘near’ to them. They develop into STACKS.

For example, this planet is about a hundred times the size of your home planet , yet it’s in the same gravity stack

That doesn’t make sense, Leonard interrupted indignantly, the gravity here is the same as it was on Earth. A planet that large should the gravity should be much greater.

I was just about to get to that, Odin spoke with so much patience in his voice that Leonard felt almost embarrassed. It must have been like speaking to a newborn child.

All the objects in the same gravity stack have the same gravity. It evens out. The Earth doesn’t come anywhere close to being able to generate the amount of gravity that it experiences, the laws of physics smashes that theory to itty little bits. Be glad you have no sun in the same gravity stack ‘near’ you.

But there are,perhaps, an infinite number of planets within your gravity well. Every time a new planet is added, the gravity spikes, increases and remains at the increased level.. Not a lot, unless it’s a massive planet or a star, but even then it’s not noticeable to your race. Although if something like a black hole or a battle between us and the chicken thieves were to open up in your gravity well, again, you’d notice it. You’d all be smashed into pulps and it’d be extinction level event all over again. That is a very good reason to be thankful that the inverse square law, or something like it, works trans-universally. It limits the gravity bleed over to a few hundred ‘closest’ universes. the gawd said.

But I’m getting ahead of myself again he admitted.

So you’re saying that this area that the Earth resides in has a gravity well where all the planets, planetoids, etc. share their gravity and basically add to the stack? So someone like me could go to a planet like Jupiter, if it existed in my stack, and survive? Leonard said.

No, the extreme atmospheric pressure would kill you. It would be worse than being very, very deep under water. replied the Gawd

What if it was a rocky planet, like this one, rather than a gas giant? asked Leonard

Bright boy said Odin I was hoping you would twig to that. The short answer is that you must be very careful about gas pressures and partial pressures. You’ll either sickened and die from Oxygen toxicity or Nitrogen narcosis. You must be careful if you ever decided to leave the high plains. Guru will assist you

Okay. So, you were going to explain where these chicken thieves came from. said Leonard munching on the last cookie.

Yes. Okay, the portal that you went through is basically an entry to what some have dubbed the Yggdrasil Highway. I think that the term is a bit childish, but Thor, Loki, Baldwin, Heimdahl and the others like it, so we’re stuck with it. Sorry, getting off track again. You try staying on a single subject while being an ancient immortal. he said

Anyways, it’s like this. Many universes ‘rub together’ as it were and wear through in places. There are natural holes or portals. The Yggdrasil Highway loops through all the planets in all the universes in the stack. It’s a complicated mess, easy to get lost. Even easier to get dead the gawd cautioned.

Damn, Leonard growled.

Damned, indeed, the Gawd replied. My niece ,Hell , has a theory but we won’t go into it right now. Now, as to where they came from. We don’t really know. They may be in cohorts with our ancient enemy the Jotuns, but I don’t think so. However the Jotun are not inherently evil as are the Demons so that theory doesn’t exactly fly. We’re not exactly sure about several things.

My Home does NOT have the Yggdrasil highway running thru it. I built it that way on purpose. My home is many millions of light years distant from here. We call this UNIVERSE Asgard, not the Dyson Sphere we live on. We call that Valhalla. Until recently we didn’t have any problems with chicken thieves at the ‘house’....now we do. That annoys a lot of us. the god said.

The Chicken Thieves showed up here on Mesa a few thousand years ago. From here they’ve been using the Yggdrasil highway to spread like rot.

You call them jihadists in Texas, I do believe the gawd inquired.

Leonard just stared at the Gawd open mouth. Leonard was a veteran of several of those Jihadic wars.

The Gawd grinned at Leonard .Hits kind of close to home now? That brings us back to you. Oddly enough when Guru and Sensei destroyed the Chicken Thieves that kidnapped them they wound up here and on Earth.

Guru perked right up at the news about Sensie..He’s alive? My brother is alive?

Yup...sure is. He’s found himself a Trucker too...and a Texan at that. Must be fate. said the Gawd grinning.

My blog readers eat that kinda thing right up. I’ve had a tremendous increase in ‘hits’ recently. He said.

That is part of why I have allowed Guru to stay with you. You’re going to need all the help that you can get. the god was serious.

Leonard already had his mind set. He was going to do everything he could to kick ass and kick them out of the Yggdrasil Highway loop. That way he could get back home and kick them the hell off of Earth. Bastards.

Good man. Now, I do believe it is time for me to get back home. It has been good talking to you, Leonard . Goodbye. Odin said.

The Gates of the Rainbow Bridge Bifrost shimmered into existence behind the Gawd. Without another word Odin turned and walked through the gates. His entourage went with him. Odin nodded to Heimdall as he passed and.........the whole thing vanished.

Except for cookies. A heaping plate of chocolate chip cookies remained, with coconut and pecans

Guru looked at Leonard. Leonard was just sitting there slack jawed, totally whelmed.

Guru said. He can do that. You or I might need a spaceship or a portal...not him. He has that bridge appear and he goes anywhere he pleases. He could be anywhere, absolutely anywhere right now.

It was a good thing that Leonard was sitting down. All the wind was gone from his sails. It's not everyday that you have coffee with a Gawd. In fact it was the one and only day he'd ever done it...or heard about anyone doing it. He looked at the cat and said...

What exactly did he mean when he sorta bequeathed you to me? Leonard asked.

The cat stood up and stretched...folded his wings back flat against his body and walked over to Leonard and crawled into his lap. He means I'm yours big boy....and I can do tricks.

Leonard rolled his eyes and absently stroked the cat. You know...since we're going to be together for a while I think you need a name. I think old whiskers called you Guru. What do you think about that?

I think I like it just fine said Guru. Cause that's what I am. I'm your teacher, companion, adviser, and body guard, when I grow up I mean. I'm still a kitten. I mean I can do some of those things now but...

Leonard grinned...yeah,I know.

He stood up and carried Guru back into the War Wagon. Then he and Guru went back to sleep. Guru snuggle tightly that night.
The Truck Cats were unimpressed.

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Next morning Leonard woke up slowly. It was so nice just to lay there in the bunk with his cats curled up against his neck and shoulder.

But all good things must come to an end. Time to get UP! Leonard did so. The war wagon had a really nice kitchen. Leonard started coffee.

Leonard put his cup under the coffee maker and let it drip right into the cup. When he had a full sixteen ounce cup he put a coffee pot in it's place and transferred himself to the driver's seat. He sat there looking out the windshield...something wasn’t right.

Well...here's another nice mess you've gotten me into...he muttered as he surveyed the alien landscape.
Guru came crawling out of the bunk...he flutter-hopped (how long was he gonna keep that battle rattle on anyway?) toward the smell of coffee. He sat in front of Leonard and mimed begging. Leonard laughed, relented and held the cup while Guru took a swig.

Guru shivered with delight and curled up against Leonard. From then on they alternated drinking from the same cup....until the sun had finally rose above the haze and it was full on morning..

Well little buddy, we’ve got it straight from Gawd Leonard said and guru winced...guru was not and never would be as irreverent to the might-as-damn-well-be omnipotent, might-as-damn-well-be deities as Leonard was. Guru thought the gods deserved a little respect.

Not Leonard, noooo. Leonard was an unrepentant Texan, he was contrary to the bone, it was in his blood. Guru felt sure that one day he’d see Leonard spit in the eye of the devil. He thought about it a second, in fact that sounded kinda fun, he wanted to be there and help maybe, he shivered and listened to Leonard lay out the plan for the day.

So if I got it straight...the big guy with the beard is the boss gawd? Guru shivered a bit again. Texans were SO disrespectful.

THE END

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I’m Everitt D Mickey and these are my boys.
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