Being unmarried, I might not get all the angles right, however, being an individual who has consulted with married people on this issue and the lot, I believe I am writing with a certain level of accuracy.

So I am writing this because a good friend of mine seems to have some challenges "breaking the norm" on cultural expectation of marriage.

To be or not to be

Marriage is a life time affair (or was supposed to be), not a convenience affair and in my opinion very little excuses are considered as good grounds for divorce, and so we must not only be selective when choosing a spouse, but also be very carefuk and take our time.

Why you should take your time should be as a result of personal reasons, not because you have not found that rich guy or mr perfect yet. The common myth of finding mr perfect has caused so many regrets as most times, Mr. Perfect might just end up being a Wolf in Sheep's clothing.

A lifetime contract should not be hurried into or be judged based on societal pressures, using unplanned pregnancy as a yard stick for marriage, size of his current financial capabilities etc. I said unplanned not unwanted pregnancy because what do you expect when you have unprotected sex? An email?

Still on the issue of sex (but slightly more definitive), in some parts of Nigeria, it is believed that the man who disvirgins a lady must marry her and some ladies have been forced into this entrapment custom. Believe me, the original idea is good, but what happens if a lady's first sexual contact is a rape? Do you marry a rapist?

Someone once told me "a broken relationship is better than a bad marriage." I believe there are two sides to a coin and I know of countless relationships who had a rocky start but a beautiful marriage, and beautiful relationships who had a beautiful start and a disastrous ending.

Speaking of relationships, do you know some individuals believe the first guy/lady they date must be the person they marry. I mean what happened to the old saying of kissing a lot of Frogs before finding your prince? The more appropriate is what if the first person is not compatible,do you simply ignore compatibility and get married? Also it takes two to tango, it means a successful relationship (rocky at first or not) takes two willing individuals who are willing to make it work.

A shocking discovery is that some people feel depressed (especially some ladies) if they are unmarried at 30, but then they forget that someone has probably gone through two divorces at that age and is all too happy to be free. Why tie your happiness to age? It is understandable to feel left out sometimes, but not all married people are happy (look at this stats)

Getting married is not a do or die affair, as there is a high chance of rushing out of marriage if you rush into marriage. All your
friends might be getting married early, but you might marry late. It does not dehumanize nor reduce your worth, if anything, it gives you a proper shot at gathering the right experience before marriage. A lot of marriages might not have ended in divorce if only perhaps they spent more time in their relationship gathering the right knowledge and experience about one another.

Once you marry, the s**t gets real and that is when so many people realize they are not ready. In Las Vegas, a lot of drunken marriages have been contracted, with more than 80% of those drunken contracts being targets of cancellation the next day. So if so many people who had a "chemistry" decided to get drunk and get married and well....divorce the next day, why should anyone be sad they are left out. In 2004, Britney Spears and Jason Alexander broke the record for the shortest Vegas wedding which lasted for about 55 hours.

Imagine being married for only 55 hours because you didn't know what the marriage entailed, well that was what happened. Marriage becomes a life time contract when we have an understanding of the responsibility it entails. Unless you don't want to end up as a single parent (which is not a bad thing), we have to choose wisely.

Note: Most single parents are wonderful and have raised beautiful and good children, the purpose of the reference was for educational not insulting purposes.

To love is beautiful.......

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