Staying In a Relationship

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When I first examined this whole relationship stuff, I thought the real key to an improved romantic relationship was good communication. As I continued my study, I noticed that marriage and similar relationships are more complicated than I imagined. I also learned that you cannot find any easy solution to staying together. Significantly, 50% of marriages across the world last while the rest do not, despite a commitment, "till death do us apart". I actually have not encountered any reliable statistics on reasonable success rate of relationships which aren't tied to marriage.

Most people say will say, "we got along because we love each other". My question is, Indeed? Love can mean sexual or romantic feelings, finding a person who cares about you or whom you care about. Many potential lovers look for someone to take care of them. Some might also be in the market for someone to take care of. Yet, it is quite easy to fall into the trap of depending on someone who might not usually be there, or trying to control the other person just to keep the relationship how they want it.

What does it take to keep a commitment alive? In a book, titled - Passionate Relationship, David Schnarch(author) shows that one of the main responsibilities is for every single spouse or partner to know himself or herself before going into a commitment. In the event that you don't really know what you want from life, how will you reasonably expect another person to talk about your life with you? What are you asking the other person to reveal?

Let's make an assumption, "two people understand what they really want from life, share their goals with the other person and agree to support the other person in attaining the goals". Wow! what a terrific start. But wait a little. Think back to how your life was one, two or three decades in the past and what was important to you back then. Have you changed? Just about all of us have and are quite different now than we were in past times. There is no way to absolutely predict what you would be like in the future or what their partner will be like.

The chances of staying together will improve greatly if both partners build a relationship with a sense of adventure. You are setting out on an unfamiliar voyage. 'Circumstances of life', 'financial power' and health might derail your expected voyage considerably. You and your partner might both learn new life destinations. You might learn new ways to approach life which could take you in several directions than you agreed on when you commenced your relationship. It will take a great deal of overall flexibility from both partners to withstand all the challenges and surprises life has in store for them. To be successful, you must be in charge of meeting your goals and support your partner in reaching his/her goals.

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction".
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

You can also read Commitment Is not a Slice of Pizza