Operation SCUMBAG: Dating app preferences

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When creating your dating app profile, one issue lurks in the back of your mind: will my buddies ever see this?

Sure, we all know everyone lies on profiles, both men and women, but nobody wants their buddies trashing them for saying they are a feminist who has a sensitive side and enjoys lonely nights with a good book.

Actually, who gives a f**k about what your buddies will say anyway. You only habe one life to live, so make it interesting and amusing.

The one safety net someone has is knowing that at least one's preferences will more than likely not be seen by anyone but himself.

This led me to open my own preferences to see what kind of scumbag I have lowered to, while knowing I would never be judged, until now.

Immediately upon viewing, I notice that I chose to lurch and prey upon "women", which makes me feel like more of a man for some odd reason.

Next, I see the age preferences....
I kept the throttle wide open, choosing to stalk women, girls and retirees alll in one by choosing 18-80 years old.

Since I am 39, I can legally screw every age without feeling too horribe. However, I have stooped down to girls 24 years old, but we had nothing in common, they all speak in acronyms I do not know, and getting laid by them was like screwing a lifeless blowup doll.....and I somehow know how that feels as well.

One of those nights with younger women ended with me saying I was going to the bathroom, then leaving the two 24 year old girls with the dinner bill. It actually wasn't a hard choice as one looked kike Shrek and the other looked like Moe from the Three Stooges.

Finally, the geographic range says a lit about you. This selection gives you a mile range of how far you would go to get laid.

Just like the age, my throttle is wide open, thus willing to travel up to 100 miles. I figured that I travel a lot to get laid, so it would be adventitious of me to capitalize on this preferece. Keep in mind though that this mileage is "as the crow flies", so a woman shown 20 miles away, could easily be a 90 minute drive. So always bring extra personal booze with you for the ride because from experience I have learned that a vast majority of women do not like being given a drink or glass of wine by a stranger from a bottle they did not see opened themselves. Her "creep alert" will rise in the bacl of her mind and no matter how many roofies were or were not pre-mixed with the booze, that bitch will not put out for ANYTHING.

So in final, opening the floodgates on yoir social media dating profile seems like a win-win. However, what is happiness to one man just may seem like a pain in the ass to another. Some men like long rides just to be shot down. Some men like the chance at younger women who look like cartoons and 1940's picture show comedians. Hell, every one of us have been at that point to where a 75 year old woman looks nailable.

So go with your gut and I can promise you one result: YOUR LIFE WILL GET A LOT MORE INTERESTING.