DP - Dick Patterns

So I have noticed a trend lately and I am now going to capitalize on. I have noticed that @curie has developed a taste for the big D and I don't mean Dallas. First there was @carlgnash with his instant hit Ballad of jack and bobby to get @curied then @profanereviews got a @curie with his masterpiece about toothless ho-blow jobs and circle jerks and the strip club. Then there was the 3rd and most recent from @trumpman with is it a penis or a fish. 3 times is to much of a coincidence for a pattern seeker like me. What does it mean you ask? It means i am getting a curie by doing this

Just kidding, I would never get a curie vote but I am totally making a dick penis post.

A huge thanks

First off I gotta thank @profanereviews for getting me laid with this little gem. Thanks to you I successfully tricked my wife into having sexy time with me by showing her the Rave reviews on the internet about my dick size. Because we all know if it is on the internet it is true. Ironically I was also 2 pounds lighter the next day when we scaled the racecar. Coincidence? I think not.

Then that got me thinking. I could help people everywhere with a profanereviewesqe of peoples genitals. Like air bnb but instead air DnV for dick and vagina. You could give everyone a rating from 1 to 5 stars . You could find out how many people have checked in there before you when deciding to visit or not. You could even have reviews like

• I woke up next to someone in a leather gimp suit and was extremely happy when they zipped open their mouth hole and confirmed it was a woman. The 1 star was due to waking up with what i thought at first was a feather dust in my anus but turned out to be an actual chicken.

**** over all happy with the experience but I must remember to use a different safe word than "harder" .

Why can't we be friends

Going back to @trumpman post about is it a penis or a fish
The top trending comment was by
@alexander.alexis

Only Europeans will understand this. Circumcised Americans be like, "this doesn't look like a penis at all".

That is just mean dude. I may not be a cock connoisseur, but instead of playing hoods vs skins we should put our heads together and we could become something more. Like a super hero team. I propose an alliance and together we could be......

Original artwork by @skeptic done for me

Just look at those cocky mother fuckers. Bout to drop the most fire album of 2018 or some shit.

But then I got thinking. Every dildo I have seen has been "americanized" . Are we missing out on making our own steemit version of uncircumsized dildos? We could have Jerry Banfield be our dildo tester.

Am I a dick?

So I came to the defense of @comedyopenmic this morning and got accused of being a pusher of COM and music onto people so I guess I can address both at one time

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I post music because I like it. Don't like it, Don't vote for it. As @dj123 pointed out, I don't give a fuck about payouts. I care about making a post that I find funny, informative or just generally how I feel at the moment. So in the spirit of music I will rip off a bit of a song and modify it to suit my needs

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If it was up to me, you motherfuckers would stop coming up to me
With your hands out looking up to me, like you want something free
When my last post was out, you wasn't upvoting me
But now that I got this little curie
Everybody wanna come to me like it was some disease
But you won't get a crumb from me
'Cause I'm from the streets of COMpton
I told 'em all, all them little COMsters
Who you think helped mold 'em all
Now you wanna run around talking bout jokes like I ain't got none
What you think I sold 'em all, cause I stay well off
Now all I get is hate mail all day saying Day fell off
What cause I been in the lab with my dick phone in my hand
Tryin' to get this damn COM post off

I nominate @bible.com and @biblegateway