Comedy Open Mic Round 33 entry: How I pranked my wife at the altar

Sit down, find a chair, have I got a story to tell you! It's a tale of bad ideas, flawless execution, and nary a video camera in sight to record the damn thing. Buckle in, it's time to tell the tale of how I pranked @itsapril at the altar.

Some of you may know that I'm rather active here on the blockchain. Truthfully, I joined steemit only a few weeks before the biggest event of my life. I got married! And this was the perfect time to do something incredibly, incredibly stupid.

Weddings are a very busy time. You have to coordinate a lot of things with a lot of people in very short order. It's not easy! And with all this coordination, I put the gears in motion to pull a prank during the wedding ceremony. I had some help along the way: My awesome groomsmen!

It started out in text messages, initially. Basically, I wanted to have us act like @itsapril's wedding band is missing. We'd open a ton of ring boxes, and then the real one would be hiding in the officiant's pocket. At first, my groomsmen thought I was joking around. And then, as K0LD X put it "oh shit, he's actually serious."

And it was at this moment that they started to worry about procuring a coffin for me. But I pressed on nonetheless! I roped in our officiant, and also talked to my dad! There's a reason for it, I'm getting there. Follow with me. We set our plans up, I did the handoff before the wedding started, and then...

The moment of truth! We're going through the start of the ceremony, and things are going as planned until the part where we exchange bands. The officiant starts with me.

I take the ring box from my best man, Bob. I open it up, there's no ring! I close it and open it a couple more times, wondering what happened to the ring. I motion to the audience to hang on a second, and then I pull another ring box out of my tuxedo. This box was empty, too! Now, it was at this point that the bridesmaids are freaking out. How could we lose her ring? That shit's expensive! By the time the second box came out, the audience realized that this was a joke (I come from a long line of pranksters), and to enjoy the ride.

I turn back to Bob, ask him what he did with the ring. He pulls another ring pouch out of his back pocket, and sure enough, that one's empty as well! I turn to the other groomsmen, K0LDX and Pacmandu, and ask them for help. They pull out pouches of their own. What they didn't tell me? they put coins in their pouches! Which they dropped all over the stage! So the audience hears this loud clang, and they think it's other rings!

My dad was playing cello for my ceremony, so he's up on stage behind the bridesmaids. He yells "I got one for ya!" and tosses a ring box my way. It completely misses me, and lands on the ground down below. So now I jump off the stage, go over to that box, pick it up, and shout, "Hey, this one's empty too!"

And the audience is losing it. They think this is hilarious. @itsapril figured out it was a prank within the first 15 seconds, and so she was laughing and seeing how far we'd take this. Finally, the officiant says "Here, I got one you can use."

As he hands it to me, @itsapril asks, "Is that actually our ring?"

"Yes it is," I reply.

After all that was done, I just had to take a bow. How could I not? I had gotten away with pranking my wife at our own wedding. And it was hilarious!

One of @itsapril's brothers got engaged shortly after we got married, and when the time came for the groom's dinner, we all went around and said our congratulations to the couple.

"Tom," I said, "after the last wedding ceremony in our family, I'm looking forward to great things at your ceremony."

And the rest of our family laughed. They knew exactly what I was talking about. He couldn't do it, the pussy. He chickened out! I guess that's what I get for marrying into a family that are not pranksters.

But anyways, that's my wedding prank story. I hope you all enjoyed it, upvote and resteem if you think I'm a lucky man. Tell the world about my antics! I'm putting this into the current @comedyopenmic contest, so vote for me!

I'm gonna tag @volderhein and @mardax, and challenge them to take part in Comedy Open Mic. Get to it, boys!