Sadness Grips Me And I Am Trying To Escape From It

I feel bloated everyday, that is why I couldn't walk and breathe easy so it feels like I am in a constant torturous state that I am surprisingly surviving with. What I do not like is that it makes my breathing irregular and it is hard to move around as my torso feels like a barrel.

I think that I will going to die not being able to achieve a state of normality or at least the feeling of close to it. My only hope maybe is to get myself into a more frequent dialysis so in that way I will not be in a much misery than I am now because I will get to enjoy my food there time a week plus getting relieved from extra water pressure in my body which is so important for me.

They say or what I have learned that soon I will have to make use of an oxygen machine because as my backbone crunches my internal organs especially the lungs I will not be able to breathe without it. Actually it is happening now so I pray to God that before that happens I just wanted to die because nobody wants to be in that state, it is too much for me to handle or experience.

I am just thankful still that at least I can walk a little and bathe myself in the bathroom because I do not want my parents with their old age to really add that inconvenience in their life. Looking after me with this age of mine really makes me sad but what can I do? Me and my parents are stuck with each other but at least I am not much of aa drag when it comes to my expenses thanks to God and also to my steem friends here in the background, may God bless you and his face shines upon you.