I Do Not Feel Good Today Yet Again

I wasn't able to eat much this evening, I only ate two pieces of bread with some cheese on it, it is a local pizza actually and it has this cumin spice that I really do not like the flavor of. But that was not the issue really but my fluid overload again, nausea, appetiteloss, and now some discomfort in my chest.

Well if I would go and leave this world tomorrow then that will still be okay. It is just I will be disappointed that I will not be able to reach my goals and dreams to make my short life better in many aspects including that of my lovedones as well.

But of course in the grave there will be no sadness, grief, worry, pain, misery, and crying because I am at an eternal peace and that is fine of course because no one lives forever and I was once nothing and now is just something that will soon be nothing again, my history would be forgotten after a few generations passed-by.

Anyway, my issue really is the feeling of discomfort, one is my fluid overload and even though I am not breathless I can still feel that I was like I consumed four liters of softdrink and did not belch.

The other issue was my Nausea and appetiteloss. My appetite enhancer seems to be only working while I am hooked-up for my dialysis but after dialysis I am already down with my urge to eat especially with the kind of meals that my mother prepares especially if the dish calls for a sour flavor, she just tapers down the amount of Tamarind or vinegar for example so it won't taste right for me and thus affecting my appetite once more.

I am just crazy trying to live like this, if it is only a good idea to take my own life I will or had done it years ago because it is like a living hell being so unwell all the time. I may have not feeling the pain but in the other hand I got this terrible nausea, appetiteloss, and this bitter aftertaste which are the compromise I have to take and it is disheartening and saddening at the same time.