How am I dealing with my breathlessness as a veteran dialysis patient

I'm like a fish out from the water

_Pixabay

The thing is this, I can't, I only stoop down as if I am bowing with both my hands on my knees, it gives relief somewhat and so I get to catch my breath momentarily. Maybe it is because of my heart, the complication of having to suffer bouts of hypertension over the years took it's toll on my heart that part of it or all of it had become enlarged that it is having time now to pump blood or at least what I suspect of what happened to it already. Stress also is a contributing factor as I am emotionally quite unstable too.

That is why I do not engage in confrontations even in social medias like in here at steemit. So I often shy away from people that I find rude so to speak or being such an "ass" against me, when I try to engage. It affects me emotionally. I guess it's the effect of having a weakened heart, maybe where they get the "heart-broken" sayings that emotions correlates to the heart. But regarding emotional unstableness, in my situation, not involving the "Love" factor but being just oversensitive.

Having an oversensitive emotion is a part of me right from the start. I blame it in my body in general, the heart triggers my brain to react, the brain tells my body to create stress hormones, which in turn affects the heart more and it goes in a vicious cycle. It made me shy, introvert, and being self-aware all the time, so I feared even conversing with a friend face to face, I would start to tremble after some time and stutter. I noticed it when I was still able to walk and visited an ailing friend, those things I noticed from my body.

So I just get breathless even when sleeping, I would wake up with a racing heart or trying to sleep with a racing heartbeat. When I go to shower I have to stoop down after scrubbing an arm just to catch my breath and feel some relief. I also forgot one contributing factor which is my spinal bone that collapsed. It just compressed my lungs and now I cannot get the full benefits of inhaling that precious air. I am worried that since this problem is progressing, there will come a time in the future that I will succumb to it but of course I won't be looking forward to that and that is why I am taking my mind off from all of it through blogging like this.

Some of us doesn't realize how lucky we are having to enjoy that thing we take for granted, and that is having to breathe normally. Individuals like me are just wondering now how is it being just a normal person with a healthy and functioning body, for I am ailing more than half of my lifetime already. I have to tell you my friends/caring strangers, that you are lucky and all the things around, the material things that we have, desire, the people that loved us and we love are just a bonus and for that we should be grateful and or grateful to God if you are religious.

Related:
https://steemit.com/blog/@cryptopie/how-does-it-feel-being-dialyzed-over-and-over
Know more about me Warning
https://steemit.com/introduceyourself/@cryptopie/who-is-cryptopie