Dear Diary: I Haven't Eaten Much Today On My Mother's Birthday

Today we just have a simple celebration with me without the scene because I do not want to go out, I just made to prefer staying here on my bed since I still feel terrible with my guts so I haven't able to eat much, in fact I only had eaten a piece of chicken and a tablespoon of rice in the fear that it will exacerbate my guts.

It is my dialysis today that is why I have such a poor appetite too but I really do not want to force myself in eating because it is not really possible. I feel that my body isn't absorbing much nutrients too which could be the reason for my falling weight.

But I cannot afford to lose some weight more because it will make my weightloss worse than it is now which will also make my breathing problem worse as well.

I really have too many health concerns and I am too helpless to solve it as it requires the intervention of other people around me. If they don't believe me then I cannot do anything and that creates more problems on top of the other.

I hope that my misery is my punishment so when I die I am paid already, peace is what I long for now, it is getting harder by the day as my efforts couldn't yield what I expect, this life is not for me anymore because the burdens are getting heavy.