Dear Diary: I Am Already Due For My Dialysis

Today I am already feeling ill especially after I had ate some of the beef that my mother had given me for supper which is just two chunks of beef and I feel nauseated already. I have to eat those because i do not want it to get wasted if I would not finish that meal considering that I only had eaten a few spoonfuls of rice.

For my carbohydrates for this day was just two small bananas, the few spoonfuls of rice, and a bit of that coconut pie which I ate as my breakfast and lunch.

My appetite is greatly affected by my breathlessness which is caused by extra fluids in my body that my nurses are keep adding up when I drop my blood pressure during dialysis. So I won't get to my target weight and then will go home with extra fluids in my body then it goes in a vicious cycle until I am 7 kilos heavier with water than I am really am.

But the main reason that I do not feel well is that the way they operate the blood pump because they just move it slowly so the cleaning is just made minimal, like about 200 mL per minute while in other countries they pump it to 350 mL to 450 mL per minute so the difference is great and the patient will feel ill faster after dialysis and they won't feel better between dialysis which is what is happening to me.

Now I just have no choice but to endure this situation and pray that my body can hold it but I am nauseated right now and I don't know if my body can tolerate this for long.

So this situation will just force me to get more stricter to my diet which will also complicate thing a bit more.