What Have You Been Exposed To? II, Contributed by @Olawalium
...continued...
This message came to me with the recent friend I made just two days ago. We met on our way to Lagos, and I didn’t even talk to her throughout the journey until I noticed we dropped at the same place. I offered to help her with her heavy load and it was as if she expected me to ask, she gladly said yes, and that delighted me. I carried it with great joy hahaha. We happened to be going the same route too. So after getting in on the second bus, we started talking. She is so lively that you would think we have known each other for such a long time. I got to know so much about her in just a little over 20 minutes.
I noticed her exposure made her be that free, not necessarily because she was expecting anything more from me, that’s where I am driving to. Most of the time, as a guy, we tend to confuse some ladies’ niceness for a show of affection. As a result, we end up messing it all up when they are only interested in friendship or just being themselves. Some people just love chatting and meeting people, just like I like random acts of giving and deliberate helping too.
The same goes for some ladies. If a guy acts nice to them, they think you have some hidden hormones waiting to be unleashed. Like I said, we can never blame these sets of people because this is what they have been used to, and it will take a while to change that mentality. How do we do that? We should let our own intentions be clear. It helps put people’s mind at ease and reduces any misconception.
I am able to see the sharp contrast between this lady with another lady I was on the bike with last year I think. We took the same bike. Some ladies like sitting at the back also based on some experiences they had with some guys too on a bike.
I heard a story about a secondary school student with another young lady. The lady was a working class according to the person who narrated the story. The boy sat at the back on the bike and this lady at the middle and when this lady was about to drop, she noticed she has been soiled with this guy’s *****...you get it. Weird right? Moving on...haha
She landed heavy slaps on the boy and you can understand if such a lady would never want to share a bike with another guy or if she prefers to sit at the back of the bike.
Back to my bike partner for the story, hahaha. She decided to sit at the back and I moved to the middle. And the moment she dropped, I told the bike man to move, that I will pay for the lady. The lady stood there, lost, wondering why I would do that (in her mind anyway), and in my mind too, I was answering, why can’t I?
At that moment, she stood, still wondering, and thinking maybe I have something hidden, or maybe I would ask for a phone number or something. She stood on the same spot till the bike left. Maybe she has never been used to that kind of experience, but I am always happy to change people’s experiences with my acts. I am glad I was able to leave at least an answer to whatever exposure she has been used to. It gets better with time.
So, be gentle and kind when you see people with some kind of behaviour that is alien to yours. Understand that their exposures determine who they are and they won’t change all of a sudden, it takes a little bit of time and efforts. And to anyone who second guesses everyone’s actions, try to be open to having your exposure changed. Don’t forget they have what they are used to as well, so don’t take it too much to heart, so it won’t build up a different kind of mindset in your mind.
We all need a little bit of help and not everyone is as bad as we think they are, so enjoy every act of kindness.
Thank you for your time.
My pen doesn’t bleed, it speaks, with speed and ease.
Still me,
Olawalium; (Love’s chemical content, in human form). Take a dose today: doctor’s order.
In the context of our country, the matter is very sensitive. Here, talking about men and women together, it is so bad that they are seen in the eyes of the fault. Every day some misconceptions are made. But if someone asks for help then most of the men try to do flirting. But your words...
What is happening in our country is that, In most cases, the boys try to flirt the girls In the bus stop, public place, shopping mall. Which is enough to create a bizarre situation for a woman. We are really ashamed for this. But the happiest thing is that , At present, the government of Bangladesh is very aware of these issues.
I know it's not related to your article at all. But it was important to highlight the perspectives of our country.
Thanks @olawalium. Give my regards to @communitycoin behalf me
I am so glad you can relate to this, my friend. Thank you for sharing your experience with us via this. The exposure of your country people is creating a mindset by the way at which guys flirt around, so it is natural for those ladies to feel insecured whenever they are around those guys. Deliberate efforts need to be taken as you have said, and it involves both parties.
Hmmmmmmm.... Wot a story.... Stories actually.
This is so real. We, both men and women take over-familiarity as a way of flirting or so.
Well, like you said... Some are just so open to friendship only and that shouldnt be misunderstood.
We have people who feel so honoured to have people just saying "Hi" to them... Most times, it might be inferiority complex and sometimes, it might just be moments of being in need of friends.
Basically, we should understand people well before getting too involved with them.
Thank you so much @Olawalium as always.
@Communitycoin more grease to your elbow
Exactly. Understand them well or better still, keep an open mind and not judge too quickly what their intentions are, before getting to know them.
Thanks a lot dear.
You have nailed it brother, getting to know them before jumping into conclusion, so that we won't actually confused friendship to another thing entirely. We sometimes regret our action when we later realized that the lady or the guy is question is just being plain with us without any emotional attachment. Ride on brother. Being busy I reply late
@communitycoin
we shouldn't surge thing at first or just hopped into conclusion while connecting with somebody we just met concerning our past experience toward life. This will without a doubt make us not to mistake superbness for sentiments.
This arrangement was exceptionally intuitive and intriguing. You can tell since it evoked a feeling of sentimentality and make numerous relate their encounters. Continue making great article man. Well done
@olawalium
Powerful words. Thank you so much for this. Means a lot to me. Gracias Amigo.
Not many people in Ghana would actually take a lift from strangers due to what we have been exposed to in recent years. Although there are strangers with good motives to help others, but due to people's experiences with the bad ones they often mistaken the good guys for the bad ones too...maybe it's all for their safety. My exposure in Life has taught me that the world is a much more dangerous place. Hence, I'm always extra careful.
That is the point, our experiences influence our decisions. There is no crime in trying to be careful. Trusting your instinct makes being open easier, except your instincts have let you down many times hahahaha
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I so much love how you relate the stories together and still able to blend them together as if they all happened together... Hahahha
Look at that second school boy, probably he has been exposing himself to what is meant for adults... Hahahha
Well, I'm happy he was able to receive the judgement on the spot, probably that would change his perspective.
Mistaking kindness for something else has rubbed many of their blessings. God sent might be mistaken for someone else if we keep judging them based on our negative past exposure.
Their was this lecturer of mine who vowed not to carry female students in his car for whatever reason, when we tried to asked why, it was based on his past experience with some of this ladies who tried to seduced him ... Hahahahha
Another thing that baffles me as regard the topic is that some people are even good at helping you to interpret the actions based on their own past experiences. What you consider to be normal, by the time they interpret it for you, you see things differently... Hhahahahha
I don't want us to believe that past exposure is completely bad, we can still pick some lessons there to shape our life, we only need to be sure that we are copying the right set of things from the past.
Thanks @olawalium and @communitycoin
Hahahahah you are not nice. Hahahaha
Hahaha that made me laugh too. People with super powered minds. Hahaha
Our past experiences are not totally bad at all. Lessons should be picked from there, and it takes someone with a renewed mindset to admit that.
You have been very active and supportive, i sincerely appreciate you. You have amazing viewpoints.
Trust me, the guy will live on to remember that day, he won't like to repeat it, what other better way to change him if not that.... Smile.
At times, I think that could help us to drop some of the bad stuffs too.
Thanks bro, I consider it a compliment....
But you have been feeding us with super wisdom too, probably you collected the mantle of King Solomon.... Smile
LMAO!!!. I receive it.
You speak very beautifully"""but I am always happy to change people’s experiences with my acts"""" i like this line.
Thank you so much. Really appreciate your kind words.
That bike story is quite funny. Many ladies will want to seat at the back while only few ladies don't care and allow you to seat at the back. Personally, I don't enter bikes with ladies because I don't like sitting at the middle and from experience, many of them will want you to seat at the middle
Exactly bro. I prefer to take the bike alone and pay extra, except i am going with someone i know so well. I like sitting at the back at least to protect the lady. I feel it is odd having a lady sit at the back. Who will protect her?
Some lady actually felt they can protect themselves whereas they are the weaker sex and we men should always strectch forth our hands to be of help to them. It should be a polite way anyway. Haha haha. That is if they would accept it as appreciating them.
This series was very interactive and interesting. You can tell because it evoked a sense of nostalgia and cause many to recount their experiences. Keep creating good contents, man. Well done
I am glad it turned out to be this and i am thankful you got involved too. Thank you so much for your time and effort. Duly appreciated.
Initially, it’s normal to play over in our minds negative events such as a marriage breakdown or loss of a loved one. But we can become fixated on these experiences, which is associated with depression and anxiety. For our experiences to help us connect with others, we need to move beyond rumination to developing insight (understanding) into what has occurred.
The ways we think about past experiences can help or hinder the development of insight. One way is to mentally immerse ourselves in our past experiences – as if we were right back there – focusing on what occurred. This is likely to bring the past to life, but also results in anger and attributing blame to others involved.
By contrast, a self-distanced perspective, where we almost picture the situation as a “fly on the wall” leads to focusing on why an experience occurred, which can foster insight and closure.
Studies have found when people can reflect on their own problems with a bit of distance and compassion for themselves, they’re able to see the “bigger picture”. This in turn makes them better able to consider their own and others’ needs, and more likely to forgive and help others.
We can never know ‘exactly’ how someone feels
Self-refection is essential for understanding our troubling experiences. In turn, this understanding is likely to help us consider others in similar situations.
We can’t assume others will experience a situation exactly the way we did, as there are probably differences in the experiences. It can also be difficult to imagine ourselves back in an emotionally-charged time in our lives. In certain contexts, especially working as a psychologist or nurse, taking another person’s perspective in a more distant way is advised.
Perhaps, then, rather than telling someone “I know exactly how you feel”, it’s best to ask curious questions that will help you to clarify what they are going through, as well as help them develop insight into their situation.