Is it possible to not be driven by need?

When we are honest with ourselves we find that most of our actions are motivated by the avoidance of pain and the gaining of pleasure. The deepest motivating powers at the core of humanity is survival and security.

The core needs are the foundation of who we are, and therefore very hard to transcend. When we do something that is not in alignment with our morality, we rationalize our actions to keep our self-respect. “But I had to do it” “It was the only reasonable option” and so on. Most of the time we are not even aware of our motivations.

The story of abuse in my ex congregation

As I see it, unconscious human action have the most dangerous effects on the world. Blind actions and reactions, which we are not able or willing to admit to. We see this evil in action especially in closed, religious communities. In the Christian congregation I grew up in, It has recently been revealed serious crime that have remained hidden from the public eye for many years.

Many children in this community have been sexually abused by their relatives, and trusted leaders in the community have known about it and kept it hidden. Sexuality is suppressed and silenced as taboo, and not to be spoken of. In the last month, a few brave ones of these children have chosen to share their story with the local press. Their stories have also made it to the headlines of the biggest newspapers in the country. Now the congregation is experiencing great pressure from the larger community.

In the open society child abuse do not have the same chances to be silenced and hidden as it has in these kinds of small congregations. This story is an example on how dangerous human need can become. That being said, I do not think human need and desire is evil as such. It is only dangerous when it is concealed and hidden.

So what kan we do to be honest with ourselves and see our motivations clearly?

I think it is important not to judge and moralize; we just have to be willing to observe things as they really are, with an open mind and willingness to face darkness where it dwells within ourselves.

Is it possible to live from another baseline than need and fear? Grasping and pushing away?

This is where spirituality comes in. For me it involves a total willingness to die and suffer. If death is not the worst that can happen to you, than you will not be willing to commit evil just to survive or gain some pleasure.

I have always been afraid of death since I was very young. I developed insomnia because falling asleep is like dying. Every night you willingly let go of reality, allowing nightmares and nothingness to reach you. To fall asleep, my need for rest needs to be stronger than my need for existence. My spiritual path have much to do with letting go, and allowing anything to happen. The irony is that this brings a great lightness and freedom to life, and the willingness to experience pain makes my instinctual needs and desires much weaker. Instead of instantly acting on my impulses, I ask myself; “what is my motivation and what is the best I can do in this situation?” Doing the “right” thing does not always mean to suppress your needs and desires, it just means to be open to what the situation demands of you, independently of your own interests.