Success is a Mountain: My Thoughts

I read Success is a Mountain written by @chrismccron and was inspired to reflect more on my own life and where I’m at right now in relation to the visual he gave. I like his whole analogy/visual. I always do better at understand what is going on with me when I can "see" it and this really inspired me.

For me, right now, I am at an odd point in life. I don't really define success in the same way as a lot of people (financial success, climbing the corporate ladder, careers, etc.), so maybe my thoughts will seem odd to some of you.

Growing up I had goals. I had a goal to raise kids and do it the way I thought it should be done. Some of my earliest memories were wanting to have a family and raise kids. I had very specific ideas from a young age about that, too. I didn’t want to just have kids because it was the thing to do. I wanted to have kids and I had a definite visual that grew with me as I got older about how I wanted to raise my kids.

I remember in highschool having the school counselors ask me what I wanted to do when I graduated. My response of, “Oh, I want to get married and have kids” was Not an acceptable answer. I “needed” a career. That is all well and good, and in hindsight, I can see where they were coming from, but it just wasn’t my aim in life. I had other dreams in life, but kids came first.

Anyway, that could segue into a whole different area, so I’ll just focus on the ‘raising kids’ part and this mountain of success, so to speak.

I've been climbing that I want to be a Parent mountain for 26 years now (or five mountains? One for each kid? Maybe the marriage as well? Homeschooling?) I’ve had many little successes in other areas as time has passed (theater, fitness instructor, writing, painting, teaching others). Of course those other successes were/are important to me, but now that my last child is 17, I feel like I'm standing on the mountain and looking around going, "What next?"

I almost reached that mountain peak. I raised those kids. The thing I always wanted to do? I’ve done it. Not that they don’t need me for anything anymore, I still see them all the time and we talk about everything and I give them advice (and they usually take it!) but anyone who has kids knows that there is a time when “Mom” isn’t a full-time 24/7 job anymore.

I feel like I was successful in the raising of my kids. I made mistakes (of course, we all do) and I did some amazing things right. I have unique, interesting kids who are all doing things that fit their own ideas of success. I feel like I did a good thing, raising kids who are happy to be themselves without caring too much what other people thing. They are smart, confident and happy. We chose to homeschool our kids, I didn't really fit in that group, either. I missed some things at first, but I feel like I did a good job at teaching my kids to handle their emotions and talk about things that were bothering them (or talk about anything), I was open to talk about anything and I do mean anything (and they still do talk with me about nearly everything!), I LOVED the teen years most of all thus far and once they were a little older, I didn't even care if they used "bad" language.

Now, here I stand on the mountain and I’m looking around. I’ve seen the peak of the mountain coming for some time. I’m not stupid. A lot of my process for choices that I make in life is to look into the future (as much as a human can) and see where my choices might lead me… and so I’ve been seeing the top of the mountain getting closer and closer… and now I’m ALMOST there.

And I don’t know what to do now.

I’ve spent most of the last 25 years as a stay at home mom. That lowers the job prospects substantially. Thankfully steemit has appeared in my life, so at the moment, I’m making just as much money as I could going to work at the grocery store. But that’s not… it’s not the same.

I have been banging around for the last few years now, at least, wondering what my actual passion is just for ME. I have things that I thought were “The Thing’ but came to realize quite quickly that those weren’t for me after all. I’ve tried out some things, learned some things. I’ve even thought about going back and doing some of those things that I found so satisfying or fulfilling when my kids were younger, but I’ve found that the desire isn’t there anymore. It seems like I should still enjoy it just as much, if not more, now that I have more freedom, but the spark just isn’t there anymore.
On top of all of that, my husband and I are at a brand new place in our marriage. Not only are the kids grown, but he’s not gone having to bust his ass working 60-80 hours a week like he did for so long.

So here I am, sitting on the side of this mountain, looking out over the distance (and remembering all of the varying views I've had from my "moutains" and I’m excited about what comes next… even though I’m totally at a loss as to what that Next is. I know that I have the gear needed, because I’ve already climbed this far, after all.

I think that maybe I need to stop stressing about it and just continue to do what I enjoy, those things that I am passionate about, even if it’s just in the moment. The one thing I’ve learned on this journey is that finding out what doesn’t work is sometimes just as important as what does.

So, here I go, with no GPS and no guide to tell me the right path… I’m going to enjoy the journey… and when the next thing fires up my spirit, I’ll Jump!

If NOTHING else, I will be able to say that I wasn't afraid to try new things, or scary things and I didn't let other people's opinions guide my actions. I feel like I've done pretty damn well so far.

One last thought, sometimes just staying put and enjoying the view is a good thing, too. We don't always have to be striving for more/different/better, because honestly, sometimes the view is pretty freaking nice.

All photos are mine, except these last two photos. They are courtesy of my son @knightengale He took the first one after hiking up Monument Hill (the 'hill' in my cover photo) whilst we were living aboard our sailboat in Georgetown, Bahamas. The photo below is one that he had some other hikers take at the top!