Guest post by @crystalll; When it goes sour

There are many things people do not understand about relationships, One of those things is that it's possible for your partner to grow out of love, yeah! The love that is meant to grow? It's possible for it to diminish instead!
I’ll share with you all a story!

I young man met me to complain about his relationship. He was in a position where he was not sure if he wanted to continue with his relationship and needed advice. So I decided to ask pointed questions about their relationship and in a very rare case, this young man said she had done nothing. I mean absolutely nothing wrong. At least nothing out of the ordinary and so bad that her being a good person or a good girlfriend could be questioned.

In essence he was the issue and not only that, his feelings towards her had changed drastically. So much so that he now felt irritated, angered and pretty much every other negative kind of emotion towards her whenever she was around, contacted him and thought of her.

I was concerned and very pained for two reasons. One, she would suffer that kind of thing directly and indirectly and it would affect her self-confidence and damage her emotionally with time and there would never be any explanation for it. My second concern was that she would try harder to make it work, which would make him madder and treat her even worse - again this would be directly or indirectly.

Sometimes...a lot of times...people love so hard and so much that when things are going bad, they automatically think it is their fault so they try harder and keep pressing for communication and to talk things over. Not because they are being obsessive, but because they genuinely love this person and want things to work out. When this happens, if their partner is not reasonable, they get labelled as pests and treated really bad and this affects them negatively. If I have seen it once, I have seen it a thousand times.

This post is not to condemn the young man, I told him as much when we talked that I am not going to attack him but I am not going to coddle him either. He should have let her go ages ago if he started feeling this way. She needs to be let go of so she can be with a man who wants her completely and does not see her as an irritation. Keeping her there while not wanting her is selfish and cruel, even if he does not know it or does not mean it to be so.

There is this issue of contentment in relationships. The moment you are not confident and content with the choice of who you want to be with, you both are in trouble. Love cannot thrive on guesses and unsteadiness, much less a marriage.

This not the same as the occasional, "this girl/guy is just annoying me," thought. I mean here that at this point you are completely irritated and disappointed in the choice you have made. If that happens it is time to sit down and talk and make a firm decision on what to do next, which I dare say is more often than not to end it and walk away.

"...Once you lack conviction for your choices for love, you're in trouble."