Let go of you

In the afternoon when I came home from somewhere, right next to my boarding door, I opened the door of my room and then came the ringing ring of my handphone. I immediately grabbed the handpone that was still in the bag I was carrying. While answering the phone, I went into my room and lay my body on the mattress.

"Haloo ... Good afternoon." "Afternoon too" voice from across, I do not recognize the voice. It's a boy's voice, it's the voice of a guy I've never heard in college. "Is this with Lia?" He continued again. "Yes, true. Who is this with? "I asked confusedly. "This is me Ardi, you still remember it?" He said again with a small laugh. "Ooow Ardi ..." I eagerly answered her phone now when I knew the call from Ardi.

Yes Ardi is my sister when I was in high school. I used to love it a lot. I do not know it is just love or indeed I like the same with him. We started chatting by phone. We talked a lot about our school and how long we had never met.
Amid the fun we chatted, did not feel my stomach began to sound the alarm signal should be filled with food. Then I said goodbye to her to eat.



After finishing the meal, a few minutes later my handphone voice rang again. I immediately grabbed my handpick that I put on the mattress. With a glowing face after seeing the name on my call screen. Yes, that's Ardi. he came back to call me. Looks like he already knows how long I eat. Then we resumed our chat. and dag .. dig .. dug .. The Ardi started directing his story to his feelings so far. I do not know what he was talking about just cuman for me sure or did he really think of me during our split ...? I also believe, and also happy to hear his words. I like being flown into the clouds and settling there .. oh this is called falling in love ..
without thinking straight I immediately agreed to be his girlfriend. It sounded too abrupt but I did not hesitate because I had known him for so long when I was his older brother of that time. And I think my feelings are still the same as it was.

Over time I often contacted him. yes we decided to LDR and trust each other. Every time he contacted me and never got tired of answering his phone. Within two months I began to feel uncomfortable with everything he did. Her attention and all that. And because I wanted to know how I really felt, I decided to contact him, but through chat because I could not talk to him.

It's night (Ardi's night, before I want to apologize to you I want to be honest with my feelings, I do not know what I really feel, and right now that I feel that our relationship is tasteless, not comfortable, not fun. So I want to ask for time to know how I really feel I want to break for a while). A few minutes later notif whats my app goes off. Hesitantly I opened whats my app and true it was a reply from Ardi. then I open the chat (why do you ask for a break? Why are you?) suddenly ask for a break?) I start to wonder what I should answer ... and finally I go back typing (the reason is because I feel our relationship is bland So I want to break) just my reply for him. Then he returned to chat me (yes you already call now and speak directly) huff more for me confused. This position is very very not good. I again dare to reply to chatnya (sorry, I just dare to pass the chat I can not if I have to phone) then no more replies from him. But after waiting for a long time notif whats my app again rang, upss it chat from him (ok up to you) my feelings mixed up at this time. There is a sense of relief and there is also sadness. Well hopefully this is the best.

My days I live as usual and as if there is one burden that I have released from my shoulders. But after 2 months break he came back to contact me. he re-chat via whats app (hi how are you i miss kii ..)
I halfheartedly read the chat, but I admit I missed him a bit. But not excessive. he is so nice with me. Even though it seemed that I was moving away he still contacted me. Sometimes I feel tortured every time he contacts me. I always feel guilty when he starts paying attention.

Ardi and I went back to the relationship as usual dating. But I began to move away and wanted to make a mistake in order for her to break me. But he did not realize it. Oh my God what should I do. I'm always haunted by guilt, I always feel I'm a very selfish person. It is enough. I'm not strong anymore if I have to lie to continue my feelings. And I began to take the liberty to keep in touch.

Tut..tut .. "hello .." the voice from sebrang that I heard as he spoke with a smile on his face. I almost denied my intentions again because I did not have the heart to him. But I think again, more bearable if I continue to survive without certainty. "I..iyaa .. h h hallo" my voice sounded nervous. "How are you?"
"I am fine. How about you?"
"Good too" I replied curtly
"how's your college? Looks like you're very busy yah lately? How do I call you never answer? "Many questions were given to me. but once his voice was still soft I heard. I just paused and did not feel my cheeks begin to be moistened with my tears that suddenly came out of the dam.
"What are you busy for? I miss you, I want to hear your voice, I want to hear from you. I'm also lonely all along. And I also need you, but you never answer my phone, never reply to my chating ... "before he went on, I immediately opened my mouth that had been tetkatup meeting. And so hard I talk to him "Ar ... I know how you feel, I know you miss me, you want to hear me voice, I know it's Ar. And every time you call me ... "a moment's silent" I actually dare not pick up your phone and reply to your chat. "
"Do not you dare? dare not think why? "he asked in a tone of wonder" you are this strange huh? "he continued with a small laugh. And that makes me even more hesitant to be honest. Oh God help me ... "Yeah Ar, I do not brave kar .. kar .. because it feels pain and tormented if you have to hear your voice and reply to your chat with all my lies .."
"What do you mean? I do not understand? Then why are you crying? "Ardi again confused with my words just now and he realized I was crying.

My cries became more and more as she realized I was crying. Yes for what else I hide when I'm crying, yet he also already know. And I went back to explaining what I said as I continued to tears. "Yes I mean, I'm not strong anymore if I have to keep lying to you and lying to myself. At first I thought, my feelings are still the same as when we were high school, it was not Ar Ar. "I cried even harder" and I've tried to be able to love you, but I can not Ar. I was tormented by my own feelings. "Pause for a moment" and after I think about it, I have to be honest with you so you do not love me too much. "

Ardi kept listening to my explanation and my growing sobs. And I keep explaining to her and believe her "you're good. Very good Ar. I know I'm probably the dumbest woman to leave you. I also know I'll be sorry about the decision I took. But I also realize that I must be able to give up you to get a good woman and also who can love you. "

Suddenly Ardi issued his voice with a disappointed tone "if that's your decision, what can I do ?. Okay, thank you for being willing to learn to love me even though in the end the love that has been bud has now dried up because of the heat of the sun. "
"Yes Ar, again I'm sorry. I also do not know if in the end it will be like this. Maybe we are not mate. And your best mate has been prepared by God. "I continued again with a little relief.
"Yes, Lia." Tut .. tut .. tut
His voice stopped as he finished the two words, and continued with the interrupted voice.

At least now I'm glad that I've dared to be honest with my own persaan. Because being with someone we do not love is tantamount to burying ourselves, yes unless someone wants to be together because of materialism. Hmmm it's all over. Releasing it is the best thing for her love to be rewarded with a good person. Letting go of a very good person does not mean that we do not get good people anymore, God has his own way to unite us.