Forgive my selfishness..

I felt my body unbalanced, my eyes as if they were getting dark, my body swaying and I do not know. I do not know what happened after that.

I woke up from my dream no matter what happened I also do not understand, my head is very sore that I must remember. I remember everything, but this time my head hurt more until I moaned without realizing it.

"Son, are you awake?"
"Arr, where is Raka bu?" I asked Mom. Mom is silent I know what he thinks if he is honest he worries me in pain but if he is dishonest this big lie will have a very bad impact on me in the future.
"Son, you rest your mother will come back soon" mother said as she got up and lost behind the closed door.

....................

I'm alone in this white room, I keep trying to remember what happened before I was here, and the trajectory seemed to go through my mind even though it's very painful that I feel.

That night, I made an anniversery party of my relationship with Raka at a cafe. I also invited some of my best friends and Raka and this is my secret. We will have a meal and karaoke at the cafe. After the preparation has been completed and many friends have come I tried to contact Raka.

"Raka, you go to a regular cafe now yes! I have something for you! "
"Must now be yes? I'm busy again, let alone a few minutes of meeting meeting again. Can not you wait? "
"Your time more want to do your job than me"
"Not that, but I have to ..."
Not finished raka finish the sentence I hang up the phone, this is normal I do if raka too busy with his job.

It's been more than 1 hour waiting for raka but raka has not arrived yet. Friends also seemed uneasy when the event was about to begin. I was also busy directing the boredom of friends to invite them karaoke together. I'm getting restless I tried calling raka but still no answer. I tried with some short messages but still no replies. Had it occurred to me whether raka got mad at me? Yes I am selfish but how else do I raka get used to it.

After some time I got the news that raka accident when a trip to the cafe and his life can not be saved. I do not know what to do that forced me to attend the show.

I was surprised to find that the night had happened again in my dreams. My breath was still irregular and a doctor came into the room checking my condition. The doctor says I can go home today. There is a sense of relief, mother also helped me walk. After a few steps I passed through the door of someone familiar who was lying weak. The nurses quickly pushed into the room. I gaze at the top of the door that says the mortuary. Oh God, it turns out he really has died. My heart did not seem to beat anymore and I kept cursing myself.