Steemians Gone Wild!!! Poland Edition! - Comedy Open Mic Round #39

Today I’d like to tell you about my wonderful friend, @llfarms! I first met Justine way back in...god...I can barely ever remember as we go so far back. If I had to pin point it down I’d say we met in the late fall of 2018 in the magical pierogi capital of the world, Krakow Poland!

I remember it like it was 2 weeks ago. I had just arrived at registration for SteemFest and needed to drain the main vein. We first bumped into each other as she was leaving the men’s room of the Qubus Hotel, I recognized her from somewhere...but I could not put my finger on it. I just felt like we were connected somehow. She gave into a loud hiccup & told me that she was “fuckin sloshed” & had just been puking in the urinel. Then she hi fived me. Or...tried to. It missed by a mile but I didn’t want to redo it as that would have been super duper white of us. (Saying super duper is also extremely white.) I did find this all a tad odd, as the event had just started 11 minutes earlier...but who am I to judge?!? I sell Batman toys for a living...

“Where do I know this gem from?” I wondered. I knew it would come to me sooner or later. Either way, that was the start of a budding friendship. Throughout the week in Poland, we formed a tight bond. When she cursed the server off at the dinner for “3 too many carrot balls” on her plate and smashed it on the ground...I had to smooth things over with the manager. When she walked all the way up the alley on bowling night and kicked the pins down with her moccasins, I had to slip a 2 pc. Polish Zloty to the manager to allow half of us to be eliminated by @lukestokes beautiful family.

Speaking of moccasins, Justine has come a long way since her early days of posting. You’ve grown a lot as a writer and leader here and overcame a lot of your earlier problems in your older posts. I’m proud of ya, Chief!

With her brains and my money...all of it...we had the time of our lives! Seriously...like all my money is gone. Be it ripping off Polish vending machines, pointing and laughing obnoxiously at ugly people, or chain smoking in the Hospital Cancer Wards, we had a blast together in Krakow and she showed me the meaning of being free! My favorite moment with her was when we were taking a tour through the city to count how many people would step in our chewed gum. Side note...Do you know how cheap gum is in Poland?!? Christ!!! Almost as cheap a 2 Pomeranian’s!!! Uh...we’ll get to that in a minute. Shit...where was I??? Right. Gum! We must have emptied out 4 shop of all of their packs of Central Europe’s 16th best selling chewing gum. I’m talking about chewy & delicious, Zoland!!!

I thought it was close. I got 9 but one older woman who was struggling to cross the street was blind so my score kinda has an asterisk if ya want to be a nit picky dick about it. She got 163!!! I think she’s been playing this game for some time. She says preschool playgrounds & basketball courts are great locations to play Gummy Dummy.

Oh, there was another funny moment when she ran into a local pet shop and released all of the puppies causing quite the stir. She ran and yelled ”let dem puppies FREEEEEE!!!” Traffic was backed up for a while as the pups zigzagged through the heavy traffic. All but 2 small pups survived so once again, I had to give the manager 2 Polish Zloty and all was good. He wanted 2 each but those dogs are small and shitty, so we settled at the 2 for 2 deal. Let dem puppies free....let dem puppies free.....

Eureka! That’s it. I’ve heard her yell that phrase before!!! Ages ago, but it was definitely her. She was the cover girl and star of one of the infamous Girls Gone Wild videos. Granted it was part of the lowly rated ”White Trash Bash” season filmed in Bakersfield, California...son of a bitch still has It still has its moments though.

Try and find one of these...I dare ya. The Producers put out a mandatory recall due to man-boys across the land getting violently ill after viewing. There was a lawsuit...I think someone died or sprained an ankle...I dunno. I don’t remember exactly. Either way, try and find one. It’s a ghost....but I have my copy!!! Locked away with my ancient gold doublooms, Secret JFK/Dallas film, & 12 mint copies Action Comics #1, is the only copy I’ve ever seen of this DVD. I bought it in the clearance bin at a Spencer Gifts!

Sexperts across the globe estimate that a copy on the open market could bring innnnnn $30...maybe $40 bucks...but I’m hanging onto mine. Maybe when it reaches $50, I’ll sell it and take my wife @reeseshara, to that nice dinner at Chili’s that I’ve been promising for years now.

Sorry. I’m all over the place tonight. Anyway, the point is, we 2 are thick as thieves. Even though she beat me in Comedy Open Mic a couple weeks back causing my mind and heart trauma. Even though she got me arrested in Poland which caused my asshole trauma. Side note...Poland...not really known for their accommodating clinkers. Even though she has yet to FOLLOW me here on Steemit.....ohhhhh...

See what’s missing in between there folks? Yeah... @blewitt

From her page earlier today. (the only truthful part to this)

So maybe we aren’t as tight as I thought....I wonder if I’ll get that money back that I lent her so she could recently Power Up...

Blewitt

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Addendum added at 7:05 pm. As I was finishing this up...I get a Steemify notification simply stating “llfarms started following blewitt”. I shit you not. That’s spooky as hell. Also I had previously asked her permission to use her in a bit but mentioned nothing else. She was a good egg about it and said absolutely, so thank you my dear. Now go do your spooky voodoo or witchcraft away from me.

I obliged @raj808 for this week. Thank you kind sir. In turn, I will nominate @steemmatt & @crimsonclad for @comedyopenmic. Have a “funny interaction” with anybody from SteemFest??? We’d love to hear about it!!! 😜 Show me yer stuff...