Another Wacky Day at Conquest Comics

No lie...this is how my day has gone so far at the shop. I opened at 11:01...one minute late. I had to run once I entered and turned off the alarm as the phone was ringing immediately. I pick up...

Me: “Conquest Comics”

Mouth breather: heavy breathing

Me: “Hello?”

Mouth breather: “Hi” heaving breathing continues

Me: “uhhhh...hi! How can I help you?”

Mouth breather: “DVD’s” breathing gets heavier...if at all possible

Me: “uh...do we sell them?”

Mouth breather: more breathing as if he ate the phone but no words uttered

Me: “no we do not”

Mouth breather: “will you buy mine?”

Me: “no. Sorry”

Mouth breather: “who buys em?”

Me: “uhhhh...online will probab...”

Mouth breather: Abruptly hangs up

Awesome

Meanwhile a moment earlier, a teenager who looks like the human version of the children’s cartoon character Arthur walks in and asks if we sell comics. Now, this reminds me of the asshole who asked me the other day “How much are your statues?” while we have over 1200 different pieces. Just a dumb question as the store is literally surrounded by comics in every direction. Stevie Wonder could see that we have comics and Arthur here asks what might be the dumbest question of the day. In fairness he was a nice kid. Not an asshole at all. Just...a bit stupid. No biggie. Innocent enough.

So I start showing him the sections and that’s when I saw it. By it, I mean the man who would ask an even dumber question than retarded Arthur did. As I’m showing Arthur various sections of new and old books along with wall books, the man walks up and says “I’m looking for him” as he points to the teen. Guessing this was dad?!? Or kidnapper?!?

I smiled and asked how he was doing and started chit chatting...he seemed like a fairly nice guy. Outside of the fact that it looked like he just broke out of a fucking state prison after shanking a guard with a sharpened comb turned into a makeshift murder weapon. Oh, the reason I describe him this way is because his eyes were as wide as the earth itself, he had a few teeth...total. Not a few missing, but it was an open smiling mouth with I’d like to say...5 or 6 yellowing jagged Tic-Tacs floating about.

Then he said it. “How do you guys stay in business here? People buy this stuff?” Now I will say that this poor soul was not an asshole. Just kinda dumb. I can tell he meant no offense because he followed it up with saying how cool the shop was and all the stuff inside was awesome...but not before saying again “So you sell stuff here?” Or something close to that. He really just didn’t understand how anyone would buy comics or toys or collectibles in general. Most likely because he probably spent 30 years in prison. I dunno...

All I know is I could not stop staring at his face ink. Oh, I didn’t mention that smart decision to permanently inject colorful ink into his cheek, forehead, and neck. Yeah...his face looked like the side of a building in Detroit. I don’t know about you guys...but rarely have I been enlightened by the guy who’s face looks like a truck stop bathroom door.

So I kindly explained to him that the business is doing well as we’ve been here for 11 years and all that. We chatted for a few minutes and he kindly complimented the shop once again before leaving with the kidnapped boy/or son to most likely go be simple outside of my store.

Oh, besides face tats, I forgot to mention that the phone rang during that conversation with the same mouth breather from earlier. I didn’t even pick up...

A few minutes after that, I had a mom and a son in. Nice folks that ended up buying a few new books. He paid with a gift certificate...but not before farting at the counter and not acknowledging it at all. But he knew I heard as I paused for a sec before continuing to bag him up.

It’s now just 12:55 and the day is just getting started...

Blewitt