The 7 stages of traveling with a toddler

There are 7 stages to traveling with a toddler. I've had the privilege and tortured pleasure of just recently going on vacation with my 2 year old... these are my conclusions.

Stage 1: Picking a destination.
Goodbye calm and relaxing beach vacations
Goodbye adventurous jungle treks
Goodbye bars, lounges, clubs, and most restaurants

Hello parks and kid friendly hotels
Hello crowds of screaming kids
Hello adult non-alcoholic nightmare

Stage 2: Packing
You will overpack. Just accept it. You'll need none of what you bring but you'll feel so good having that extra blanky. just. in. case.
You'll need the car seat? maybe, let's bring it. Need diapers? obviously, let's bring 500. Need food? Of course, bring the grocery store.
You'll look like this by the time you get to the airport:

and your car?

Stage 3: The plane!
So, before your child is 2, s/he sits on your lap. This amazing bonding time is fun for an approximate 3 seconds. And then the kicking, slapping, squirming begins.

(note: not my child, but good impersonation)
And so begins 6 hours of feeling terrible for your fellow passengers and asking yourself why on earth you thought you wanted to do this in the first place.

Stage 3.5: The stares
As a new parent, this stage requires getting use to quickly. Getting the stink eye from other passengers, especially when you're about to board the plane. They know you're about to disrupt their peaceful and pleasurable 6 hours of movie watching. They know there's a tiny chance they might be sitting next to you. They also forgot that they most likely went through the same ordeal when they traveled with their own kids... but oh yes, they'll still give you the stink eye.

Stage 4: Eating on the plane.
If you're courageous enough to eat plane food (I'm a foodie, so I never say no to food (that's what a foodie is right?)) you'll get where I'm going. If you thought those tiny tray tables and tiny trays were tricky enough to manage on your own and you continuously dropped little kernels of rice in your lap, well... try it with a 30 pound 2 year old on your lap.
Bon appétit!

Stage 5: The hotel
Staying at a hotel is luxurious, relaxing, comfortable.

With a toddler it means sharing a room and most likely going to bed with him/her at 7pm.

Oh yeah, and waking up even before the buffet breakfast opens.

Stage 6: Jet Lag
This is probably the most painful experience one can have. This is the true test to see if you love your child (obviously I do!)
Arriving at your destination with a 6 hour time change and realising that while you'll happily power through and go to bed at a 'normal' hour, your child has NO IDEA where the hell s/he is... and no clue when s/he is.

This is what 3 AM looks like.

Again, not my kid. But good moves!

Stage 7: Forgetting how hard it was and doing it again.
After returning back to your normal life and finally understanding why every parent is so obsessed by their 'routine', you suffer from PTSD, swear you'll never travel with your child until s/he's older.

And promptly start looking for the next kid friendly destination for your next 'dream' vacation.

I wish good luck to all traveling parents, may the force and the zen be with you.

If you like my 7 stages of travel, don't hesitate to up-vote, resteem, and follow!

Sources:
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