Half Hour Songwrite TWEEKZ 12/27/18 - I tweak PIECES - a dtube exclusive!

in #dtube7 years ago (edited)


It's Half Hour Songwrite TWEEKZ for 12/27/18!

In this episode, I tweak PIECES. Specifically: to try to find lyrics to the chorus that I actually like...

And I think it worked.

Lyrically.

But I'm not sure if it worked musically.

What do you think?


HALF HOUR SONGWRITE CHALLENGE is an ongoing daily Dtube vlog. Each day I challenge myself to write a song in 30 minutes, using a one word prompt provided by a random word generator (https://wordcounter.net/random-word-generator), by viewer suggestion, or by @mariannewest's daily freewrite on the Steem blockchain.

TWEEKZ is a special edition of HALF HOUR SONGWRITE that runs the last week of each month.

*If you have a prompt that you'd like to see me try in the coming week, drop it in the comments section below! If I use your prompt I will send you one SBI as a thank you *

NEW LYRICS:

PIECES

She moves me
Her beauty
I love her to pieces
But she's already in pieces
She can't keep breaking apart
What if there's nothing left to put together
Nothing left of her heart?

So I stop breathing
Stop moving
Afraid to make a sound
Afraid to watch her break again
Afraid she won't come 'round
What if there's nothing left to put together
Nothing to be found?

Why is it that the fragile make
You want to watch them break?
To see whatever
Lies beneath?
That the only way to heal is to feel
That you have to break the leg again to set it back in place
And that there's nothing you can say
To take the pain away
That there's nothing you can say to make it better?

So I breathe
I move
I risk looking away
And just as I feared she breaks
But it's ok
It makes it possible for something buried
To see the light of day

Why is it that the fragile make
You want to watch them break?
To see whatever
Lies beneath?
That the only way to heal is to feel
That you have to break the leg again to set it back in place
And that there's nothing you can say
To take the pain away
That there's nothing you can say to make it better?



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