LiTTLE CHERiNE Book 01 - post023

arthur.grafo (69)in #sfandf-fiction • 7 years ago

A Love Written of by an Artist . The Best Gift Of All

117 Chapter Nineteen

Dommi insisted on going to a taverna of her choice, not the closest one to our apartment. We had hardly got our table when Dommi whispered to me, “Pretend to be like you were this morning.”

“Ah, koritsia mou. Good to see you decided to eat for a change.” Soon as I heard the voice I knew what she was up to. I sat looking blank. Alki kissed the girls, not that Cherine let him get away with just that. She had to get up on the chair and hug him. His wide grin faded as he looked at me. Not noticing that Cherine was jumping up and down in her excitement, he came over to me. I slowly, blankly stood up. He looked pleased.

“Getting better Roberto mou? You make me happy.” As he started to hug, I grabbed him and kissed his cheek.

“Yes thank you pappou.” I teased.

The girls were clinging to him, babbling and I stood back to look at my family, pride and joy choking me.

“When did this happen. How?” he stuttered. I was not going to compete against two females and let them tell him. Cherine showed him her hurt hand. Tenderly he kissed it.

When I was given my turn, I tried to explain what had happened. Told him openly about my continuing problems, though I pointed out to him they do not matter. What matters, the only thing that matters is that I regain my ability to be one with my loves. He understood my need and promised me I will.

“I’m not sure. If it is just an unconscious fear that I will screw up again, I think I will be able to. If however I burnt out, then it means that part of my brain or mind is gone, lost to me. We will have to wait and see, what we do now though, is feed up these two gorgeous beauties of ours.”

As we ate, talked and joked, all in high spirits, Dommi apologised for playing the trick on him. “We were so happy, Cher and I, we just had to share it with you. I also did not want you to spend another night worrying for nothing. Sorry we gave you a shock though, that was an anosto joke to play on you.”

He waved away her apology. “I am very proud and happy to be invited here. I am sure you three really wanted to be alone tonight.”

Dommi said, “It never crossed our minds. Without you here tonight, we would not have been complete.”

“We will be later, pappou.” Cherine piped in, a naughty look on her face, making us laugh, but Alki blushed. He bowed his head and Cherine took his hand. I knew exactly how he felt, I feel the same every time I looked at my two angels. When he finally looked up, he had regained control of his emotions.

“Roberto, please you must indulge an old man. Come with me to my doctor tomorrow. I want him to examine you. Just to set an old man’s heart at rest.”

“Not a bad idea. What do we tell him?”

“Not a problem, I’ll think of something.” He suddenly laughed. “We tell him your lover left you and you have let yourself get run down. Nai?”

“Yes. We tell him how much I loved her, them, and the cruel hussies abandoned me, heartlessly.”

Cherine glowered at me. “I owe you one. Just wait until we get home.”

I pretended terror, “Alki can I come and sleep at your house tonight?”

As we drove home I told Dommi that she can sleep in the next morning, I want to take Cherine to school. She offered to help her dress and get her breakfast, but I refused. I want to do everything. I told them they’ve had time to get used to our new circumstances, but for me it is still novel. To have my Cherine sleep with us and wake with us is still a miracle.

118

“I can’t go to school tomorrow.” She raised her sore hand. “I can’t write.”

“Try that one on someone else. I’ve not had that much wine, you are left handed. I want to have a brilliant educated wife one day, not some stupid lazy slob.”

“I can’t marry you. Ever.”

“And why not, you are my fiancé.”

“What about Dommi?”

The crazy day and the wine I’d drunk, it did something strange to my mind. “But I will be married to you both. I’m going to marry you both this next Sunday.” I joked. The driver must have understood English, for he turned and gave me a strange look. I smiled at him and he grinned. It had just slipped out, and suddenly was a decision I had not even known I was making, but it felt right. My girls were puzzled, but they were also being consumed by an excitement they could hardly contain. As I paid off the driver he whispered, “Good luck.” Laughing, and not because of any special tip, he drove away.

We waited for Cherine to unlock. Soon as we were inside they threw themselves at me, their voices demanding, eager. They were both going at me, questioning at the same time, till I threw up my hands and told them maybe I will tell them tomorrow, or, if they are good girls, later on tonight. For one of those rare times, Dommi showed her sense of humour. She took hold of Cherine’s hand and led her to a seat.

“Cherine, sit down. It is time I explain one of the facts of life. You are old enough and it is important you learn this.” They sat and she very earnestly explained. “The world is full of terrible men. They will do anything to get into a woman’s panties. One of the dirtiest tricks they will play is to pretend they are going to marry you. They fill your head with stories of how much they love you, assert they will always love you, but once they get what they want, poof, they are gone, their undying love for you forgotten. So, never say yes until you’ve been taken to the church.”

Cherine was not being a good actress, grinning as she asked, “Okay. Must he sleep on the couch then?”

“I think so, at least until he has explained himself. We have to make sure his intentions are pure.”

Enjoying their game I began to play along, hamming it up, pleading, promising them all kind of crazy things if they would only let me go to bed with them. Finally I capitulated and told them what I was hoping and planning to do, as I had meant to anyway (except that this way was more fun).

Before I could tell them what I planned, Dommi spoke. “Robert, this must be the craziest idea you’ve ever had and I can’t believe I’m siding with Cherine and taking the idea seriously, like a child! Cherine, to tell the truth, once I realised Robert is serious about this idea, my first reaction was to call for an ambulance to take Robert to an asylum. I mean, if he said, let’s do this when Cherine is fifteen, I probably would have considered the idea without feeling it is crazy, because the two of us marrying Robert makes sense to me, we three do belong together. But, for us to marry each other while you are still a child!? It is crazy!” She shook her head.

“I know you are not really a child, but what I feel is also because of what my eyes see. Anyway, while we were teasing Robert and making jokes about it, I suddenly realised that if marrying each other makes sense when you are older, then, what is different about marrying now? Are even one of us any less dedicated to the family we already are, than we will be then? I then had to acknowledge that of the three of us, it just might be that you, Cherine, are the one who is the most mature and ready to be married - with Robert the least…I hope. I’m ready to take getting married very seriously, whatever else those who love us and the world may think of us. Roberto, how were you thinking of doing it?”

“Dommi, tomorrow we pick up Cherine from school together. We will go to a jewellery shop and buy our wedding rings. We can tell them we want one for Cherine as she will be our bridesmaid. They’ll see I am a foreigner and will think that must be how we do it. On Sunday, we get Alki and we go to mount Pendeli, just above the houses of Politia. I know of a church there - actually, it is a chapel, a parekklision, I found it some time ago when taking a walk on the mountainside above the houses. It is long abandoned, but still holy ground, I am told.

119

Cherine, it seems that once a Greek church is built on a piece of ground, even if it is abandoned and the church collapses from disuse, the land the ruins are on remain sanctified, which means it is considered holy ground. There, I am hoping, Alki can marry us in the eyes of God. If for any reason he does not want to perform the wedding rites, we will marry each other.” I suddenly realised I had skipped an important part of the process and stopped.

“Oh dear, hold on, I forgot something very important.” They waited breathlessly with a ‘what now’ look. From their faces I could tell they were impatient to let their feelings show. “I forgot this.” I got down on my knee before them. “Dominique and Cherine, would you do me the honour of agreeing to marry me?” Cherine gave a little giggle, not certain of how I expect her to react, but Dommi tenderly put her hands to my face, her eyes shining.

“Roberto you are the most romantic man I know - and the sweetest. Yes, I Dominique will be honoured to marry you…and Cherine.”

Suddenly serious, her face white with emotion, emoting that she still does not believe this is happening, Cherine repeated the exact words, substituting Dominique’s name for her own. Then Cherine asked me. “Will Dommi be my wife also?”

“Yes. It may be strange, but is the most suitable for us. She will also for a number of years be your mother and sister, just as I will also be your daddy. Is that complicated enough for you?”

“But you promised to also be my best friend.”

“That I will be forever and ever my love, my loves.”

Dominique and Cherine hugged each other and Cherine said to her, “I am going to have the most wonderful wife in the world.”

“No, you won’t. I will.”

“Before you two get too carried away, something else for you to think about. Tonight will be one of our last times that I am going to make love to my lovers. You will always be my lovers, but tonight you are just my lovers. Both my special girls, who have been my lovers since childhood.”

Cherine pounced on that. She wanted to know what I meant. “You mentioned that on the boat. What did you mean?”

“Dommi, she has to know, we cannot have secrets between us.”

“I don’t mind Roberto. It does not seem so bad anymore - how could it? I’ve just agreed to marry a child! I think Cherine has taught me a lot, opened my eyes. You were right. It is a memory to treasure, not to be ashamed of.”

Her eyes were wide, fascinated and at times amused as we explained, with me going into a lot of graphic details of our curiosity as children, which of course got Dommi blushing as I described our exploring each other and my love for her beautiful flower and of our assumptions about her hole that went nowhere.

“You old people really were stupid when you were children, weren’t you?” Cherine teased. I noticed that telling her about it was lighting little fires in all of us. Maybe I had managed to also bring the memory alive for Dommi.

Dommi found the courage to ask, “Roberto, one thing puzzles me, since we are talking about sex.”

“Only one?” I teased.

“Please, be serious. You know I find it a difficult thing to talk about. Last year, on the island, when you and Cherine were, as you describe it, one, wasn’t caressing and making oral love to each other a little like, you know,” she was blushing, “like masturbating?”

“Wow. I can see why you are asking. Let me ask you, when we are making love and Cherine takes my feelings, sends them to you, makes them a part of your sensations and responses, does that make what I am doing to you, kissing, licking, whatever, does that make it feel as if you are doing it to yourself, or does it just enhance your own feelings while my actions are still something ‘being done’ to you?”

120

“No, it is the second. Even when she is sending our feelings, bouncing them so fast that they blur and I hardly know what is mine and what is yours.”

“Your question shook me because I realised how important it is, or was,” I added sadly, “when I was able to become part of you and Cherine. If I caressed your breast and also felt it was my breast being caressed, did that make it a form of masturbation? If it was Dommi, if we are to define it as masturbation, then the word masturbation must take on a new and more exciting meaning.” I laughed, “Poor old Kellogg, he’ll be turning over in his grave. I’ll tell you about him some other time, but for now I’ll state that he probably did more damage to the sexual beliefs of the Americans, making masturbation an evil to be avoided by all, than any one other single person.”

My mind was filled with flashes of those few moments I had experienced. “It is very strange. When I had that ability it was still too new and confusing for me to really enjoy. I kept getting disorientated. The moments of not making love were easier and those I was able to enjoy. To be in two or three bodies at the same time, feeling everything, the pressure on your buttocks as you sit, your elbow as you lean on the table. All the sensations we hardly notice anymore because they are so familiar to our own bodies. I truly learnt a lot from that.

As I sit here, the normal bulge of my penis in my trousers is so familiar I hardly feel it, well, not now of course,” I smiled as we all looked down at the straining bulge, “but in an everyday context. My experience was mostly with Cherine, I did not really have time and there was too much going on for me to localise the sensations when I became part of you. The feeling of having a female body, the lack of this or that, the feelings that were so different of not having the outward organs, the softness of being a girl, they gave me such an insight into what it means and feels like to be female, it truly made me appreciate the differences.

I was also very lucky with Cherine. For one, she is extremely sensitive and aware of her body and - she loves herself, unlike me. The second important difference, was my ability as an adult to feel what it is like to be a child. It is so different. We may gain a little by our bodies maturing, but in truth, I would say we lose a lot. Dommi, even the sense of taste is so much clearer. And scents…” Sadly I remembered, “To feel the freshness, the being so alive of childhood, god that was beautiful!”

Without realising it tears were running down my cheeks. Tenderly Cherine started to wipe them, then changed her mind and began to lick and kiss my tears away. I was able to whisper one last pain before her lips sealed mine. “God, I miss you inside me.”

Our lovemaking on the couch was an enactment of extreme tenderness (which does not contribute to effective sex), our three bodies speaking of love and adoration only. As they undressed me I undressed them, being especially careful of her hurt hand. Dommi with her sore and swollen lip could not do much kissing, so I only gave feather-light kisses and licked her lips. By the time we were truly aroused, needing to consummate our desires, I was lost in a world where there was nothing but the treasure of their two adored bodies. I raised myself and picking up Cherine, with Dommi pressed against me we went towards the bedroom.

A couple of steps and I staggered. I had to put down Cherine, dismayed and upset at my weakness, at my lack of co-ordination. They both hugged me and led me to our bed.

Their constant murmurings of endearments was a soft buzz of love that swirled and danced in my brain. For a moment I thought to myself, if only I could fill the void with this magical love, and then there were no further thoughts, no regrets for the absence of their feelings in my mind. Somewhere, in the back of my emotions and feelings, I knew Cherine was feeding them both with their love and passions, blurring and defining them to new heights, even probably able to add the few scraps she could sense from me, but I was already so swollen in my heart with love and passion for my two dearest and precious loves, I did not feel I could have accepted any further impetus from them.

As we tossed in our storm of growing passions, since I could no longer sense their bodies, unthinking, I rolled over towards Cherine. Her damaged hand went under my body and she screamed in pain. She projected it so strongly the whole city block must have felt it. As her pain speared through me, mingled with my agony at my carelessness, I managed, desperately, to grab the pain and draw it to me. As I did so I was in her hand, repairing the ruptured vessels, knitting the tiny bones. A part of me, now feeling also the painful ache of the lower lip, went into Dommi and repaired that. Unthinkingly, unconscious, not a part of my logical mind, it also sensed the ache of their arousals and took that ache away, leaving two fresh relaxed bodies, before I was able to stop it.

121

Cherine, her scream cut off in shock as her nerves reported there was nothing to scream about, gasped. She raised her bandaged hand and stared at it. There was a stillness of shock and then they both stared at me.

Embarrassed but jubilant, I laughed. “Alki does not know how right he was.” They just stared, their faces full of puzzlement and growing awe. A delight was growing in me as the true meaning was dawning in me. “Oh god, oh god, thank you.” In my delight, in my deep ecstasy of delight, I could hardly speak anymore, and I certainly was not aching with need for sex. This was far more important and exciting!

“It was you” they both seemed to say. Dommi still had her fingers to her lip feeling it. I nodded happily, crazily, my eyes brimming with pride and happiness. God, even if nothing else returns, even if I have to suffer the emptiness of not having them within me, this is a blessing I will forever be happy with.

“Alki said my role is of a protector. Now I am. Oh god! This is the best moment of my life. To know I can really protect you, heal you, never worry about you being harmed.” I began to sob from relief and joy. I just could not get over it. They finally held me, crying also with joy for me. When we had recovered, Dommi got up and looked at her lip in the mirror.

“Robert, I don’t have a mark where I bit myself. It’s gone.” Cherine unwrapped her hand and looked at it, showing it to us. The dark bruises were all gone.

I don’t know if Cherine was the first to notice it, but being our little kitten she was the first to ask. “Robert, when you took away the pain and…mended me, I felt also all my sex…my passion gone. Was that part of healing my hand?”

Ruefully I grinned, knowing exactly how they are going to react to my explanation. “No. When I came into you it was not me, it was a part of me, but not me, not the part which can think, saying fix this or that. It was like, maybe, an instinct. That thing in me, that power must also be stupid in some ways - or maybe ignorant like a baby. It felt the ache in your groins and fixed it. I had nothing to do with that. It did the same to both of you, but the stupid thing left me aching for you.”

Dommi asked, “If we get all excited again and start aching, will it come back and take it away again?” Cherine gave her a shocked look, she obviously had not considered the possibility.

All I could do is answer, “I sure hope not!”

“If it does I’m going to hit you. This is not funny,” she finished off. Cherine nodded her head vigorously, in total agreement.

“Why don’t we find out?”

Cherine cheekily said, “Dommi, you are bigger, why don’t you get a pot from the kitchen. Then if he does it again you can hit him on the head with it.” Dommi looked thoughtful then made as if to go, suddenly turning and with a flying leap landed on me, knocking the wind out of me. She grabbed my ears.

“Don’t you dare take my sexy aches away from me again!” Cherine vehemently cried her agreement.

“Oh, okay, so you two don’t want me to make love to you anymore. You don’t want me to make you come. Better go and try to draw something. At least it will be more fun.” As I pretended to be getting up, I expected them, in the spirit of the moment, to pounce on me and so on. Instead they let me, as Cherine said.

“Dommi, let him go do his stupid drawing. He told me about his ‘blue balls’. Guess they will just have to get blue and bluer until they explode. If he doesn’t want to make me come, you can do it for me can’t you, and maybe I can do it for you?”

From a gay look, her face suddenly paled. I realised Cherine had touched on something Dommi is not ready to face yet. Although she’ll caress and kiss Cherine, she never has thought of what she is doing in an explicitly sexual way, and never on her sexual organs, unless she was part of my loving Cherine.

122

I decided to intervene. “Cherine. You trying to steal my wife-to-be from me?”

“Yup!” she cheekily answered, still childishly ignorant of the reason for the turmoil in Dommi. I wondered why she is not picking it up. Maybe because we were ‘playing’ she had relaxed her monitoring. (She later admitted that she does not monitor Dommi as deeply or as constantly as she does me. I worked out that what she meant is that with me, it is more of an obsession.)

“You can be quite a little minx sometimes. Just because you know that you are so much more loveable than me, you want to use it so that she loves you more than me.” I put on a sad face. “Oh well, I can’t fight you. Guess I’ll just have to go do my stupid drawing.”

Not able to read me that clearly anymore, unless I am in the grip of strong emotions, she turned to Dommi and picked up her distress. Understanding came and she was immediately contrite. Thinking fast she called to me. “Come here, I want to show you something nice to draw.”

“What is it?”

“A special flower.”

“I don’t do flowers!” In a resigned tone I added, “Oh well, if it is so special, I guess I better take a look.”

As I climbed back onto the bed she puffed up some pillows and leaning against the headboard she opened her legs. As I knelt in front of her, she giggled, for in a way it was a game to her. “See how fresh it is. It’s still got dew on it.”

“Dommi. Take a look. Do you think it is special enough, should I really draw it?” Shyly she clambered over the sheets to take a look. She gave me a little grin.

“I don’t think even you could paint something so beautiful. You will have to call it the ‘Fire Flower’.” I loved the name.

“Yes, but do you believe her. You think that is really dew, or did some butterfly maybe use it to wee in?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it was a butterfly.”

“Look, you are the expert on butterflies. Could you check and tell me? It would really help me a lot to paint it correctly.”

Her face red, she just sat there. As I felt the moment had drawn out and was about to check for myself to save her, she pushed me aside. Slowly she lowered her head. Cherine gave a little moan, her eyes closing a moment. I expected to be exploding with the eroticism of the sight, but instead I was transfixed by the beauty of the love Dommi was showing.

“I’m not sure, I think it is dew. ”

“You definitely have to be sure.”

Although we were playacting, there was a gravity that ran deeper, a sense of loving that overcame all inhibitions. From the headboard Cherine was watching both of us, her eyes dark pools. Her moaning grew in intensity.

“Wait Cherine. Hold on a bit” I begged, wanting to be holding Dommi.

“Now Cherine, Dominique, now!” I yelled.

As we lay there spent, I cupped her face tenderly and kissed her, drinking her in and lapping around her lips. Crazy with love for my Dommi I kissed her closed eyes, murmuring my love. While we were lovingly kissing, Cherine moved down and suddenly Dommi jerked and pulled her face away from me in panic. I knew this was not the time and pulled Cherine to me.

123

Later, when she thought Cherine is asleep. “Roberto, it doesn’t make me a lesbian does it?” We were almost asleep when she murmured her question. I lifted my head in the dark and placed my cheek next to hers.

“No Dommi, it does not.”

“But I loved her. You know, I haven’t seen many girls or women naked, so I did not know that the shapes can be so different.”

“The bump? I call it the sex bump, as anything else would only sound too clinical - though the Orientals have some nice names. Yes, that little heart-shaped puffy bump, it is beautiful.”

“But.” She hesitated a while. “I loved it, but I also felt so ashamed when I thought of what it must look like to her. You did help Roberto, thank you.”

“I have had the same fears. She is so tiny, so dainty. Her skin so smooth. I was certain she would find my adult skin with the bigger pores and hairs disgusting. We have a little miracle in our baby. Not only she does not find us disgusting, she actually loves us, as we are. She is totally uninhibited. Must come from her spending her whole childhood sensing, maybe second-hand, but still, sensing all the times her parents or the neighbours made love. She told me how different it was when both people doing it really love each other. Did she tell you about the rape experience she shared when she was small and how it frightened her for a long time?”

“No. God Roberto, what it must have been like, to moro mou.”

“Are you two going to talk about me all night, or can I sleep now. I’ve got school tomorrow.” I heard the love in her voice and laughed.

“Cherry baby. I miss feeling you in my mind - and I keep on discovering more reasons why I do. You never would have caught us chatting like this if I still could. But I did learn something tonight that comforts me a little. I do not need it to know, deep inside me, that you and Dommi really do love me. That you are not just saying it.”

Cherine asked, “You still miss me inside you, like I do?”

“There is a huge empty coldness in there baby. I just spend all my time praying and hoping you will be able to fill it again.” I sat up, shocked into a realisation. “Remember how I said I would die, that you would. I didn’t. Oh Cherine, my love, it means you won’t either.” I was finally reprieved of my nightmare, my guilt.

“Maybe you didn’t Robert. I think it would kill me if I could not feel you.” I sank back into my despair. She was right, it, I, am a deeper part of her. If it had been touch and go for me, how can I compare what my baby would go through?

She had not been quick enough. By the time she felt my relief and understood it, she had spoken and she sensed grief and guilt flood me once again. She began to weep, crying ‘don’t Robert, please don’t.’ She fell asleep crying against my shoulder and carried on sighing in her sleep. My heart was aching with my love for her. Dommi, aware in her own sweet way, clung to me, to us, and somehow breathed her own love into us.

The next morning we collected extra clothing for Cherine and took her to school. We went to the office, which I had not seen for a long time. I went to the landlord to pay him. He appeared to be confused by my offer to pay outstanding rents. He then told me he could not understand what I was talking about, Mr Georgiades had paid him, as I had arranged, he said.

Dominique asked if we can talk. I nodded. “Can we do it over a cup of coffee at Floka? I rather desperately need one, and I would rather have a cappuccino.”

As we drank our coffee I watched her and sensed when she lost her courage and trying to take the conversation in a different direction, told me, “It is strange how Cherine has been saying to me that she can’t wait for us to get married - and then you proposed!”

I nodded, I’ll have to think on it, but even if what we suspect is true, I've accepted the idea. I was also still trying to work out what could be worrying Dommi. She sighed and, blushing again asked me. “Roberto, I’m sorry but I can’t get it out of my mind. Last night, you explained, I think, but it is worrying me. I have a repulsion for perversions, for unnatural things to do with sex. I am afraid it might be that I enjoyed being anomali. How can that be if I am not a lesbian?”

124

“Oh my sweet Dommi, you are not a lesbian, as I can testify, any time you need me to. What you did, what you enjoyed was just a natural extension of your love for her.”

“No. I don’t accept that. I love her as a sister, as a daughter.”

“So you think you would get pleasure from watching our little daughter, when we have one, making love at that age to a grown man? Or if she was really your sister you would have accepted it?”

“I can’t say. If she was my baby sister, but she was Cherine, with her gift, I do not know what I would have to accept. If I knew what I do, I may have had to learn to live with it.”

“I’m not asking if you had a sister and you knew she was having this kind of relationship, I am asking if that were the case and she was having sex with me, would you happily participate and enjoy watching me love her?”

Dommi was puzzled, “I don’t understand what your questions has to do with my problem.”

“I am trying to get you to face the facts. Because she is a child, I also went through the process of justifying my love by calling it paternal and so on. Now, I admit I love her as a person. Her body age makes it sweeter in many ways and a problem in others, but is not truly relevant, not with Cherine. If you can admit it is the same for you, it will be easier for you to face the problem honestly.

Dominique, love is not always easy to classify. Many times we love a person and there are a number of different emotions involved. For instance, the example I gave. I love my Cherine as a lover, she excites and terrifies me with my need for her, even if she is causing it with her psychic gift. I love her as my best friend. I do have the paternal feelings I mentioned. They are just not the only feelings. Sometimes they are the strongest. I also sometimes have the same paternal feelings towards you. I don’t feel we are committing incest because I feel that way. It is a natural feeling a male in love has when he is feeling protective of his woman.”

“I understand all that. It is not the problem!” Her face was scarlet. She forced herself. “I loved her little sex. I find it so beautiful. That is the problem. Not that I love her.” Her eyes widened slightly and she continued, “Since you can’t seem to understand me, let me put the question in a way that you will understand. What if Cherine was not a girl? Say she had been a little boy and you and I were a couple and then I met him and loved him the way you love Cherine. Would you feel okay about making love to him?”

I felt like a worm on a hook, twisting and turning, for I knew what the ‘right’ answer is and what Dommi needed to hear, but I also felt I had to be absolutely honest with her. I chickened out and avoided answering her - knowing that if Cherine shares this conversation, she will not let me off the hook as easily as my sweet Dommi will. Still, I know the image of Cherine as a little boy is now going to play in my mind at odd moments until I resolve the conflict within me.

“I’ll be honest with you. Remember on Ydra I told you girls you were free to love another man and bring him into our circle of love? I thought I was being very convincing, but the truth is, inside me, I was cringing at the idea. To have another man in our bed, to watch him loving either of you, to have him touch me, or for me to touch him, however sweet and good he is, the idea revolted me. It went entirely against the grain. It sickened me. Do you still wonder whether I truly understand your problem? Thank god you both said it was not possible. But. And it is a big but. What if either of you do find someone? Do I have a choice, loving you as I do? Will I have to face my own devils within me, make my own peace and accept it? Re-evaluate my beliefs? Yes I will. I could never deprive you of happiness because of my own complexes.”

“We older ones are making it difficult for her aren’t we?”

“At the moment, thank god, she is happy. She is still on a road of discovery. What she will want and need as she grows up - or even next year, we cannot guess. She is a totally new kind of animal. A step forward in our evolution. I hope we will have enough love and understanding to be able to grow with her and accept the changes, encompass them within our circle. She will sense it if we only pretend. I am certain last night she used your arousal and hers to build you both up to the excruciating ecstasy you experienced; Dommi, she could not have done it with only hers. She also could not have done it if you were holding within you feelings of distaste for anything about her.”

125

I wondered how honest to be with her. Maybe I was being foolish, but I did not like the taste of keeping my thoughts secret. “I have a different fear. That the two of you grow to love each other so strongly, emotionally and physically, that you no longer enjoy or want me. Please don’t tell her. We have our fears and inhibitions because of the way we grew up. I do not want to influence the direction of her growth in negative ways, ways that come out of our fears and inhibitions.”

She looked at me with a touch of melancholy. “This is going to be difficult for both of us. When I first joined you two, all I could see was the glorious feeling of love, of being complete and belonging. The only problem I foresaw was my feelings of inadequacy, you both have such wonderful, magical abilities that I cannot share in. Only glory in, enjoy. I never anticipated all this.”

“That is because you see love as a static thing. To you, it just is. That cannot be, it must always be alive, a growing evolving thing, like a plant. That is why true love is so scary.” An idea came to me and I was right, it was scary. “Try this sometime, close your eyes and relax, allowing yourself to sink into memories of those days when we were a couple. Try to recall how you felt about me and then, ignore the feelings and try to see the Robert you knew then. What was he like? Try to see me as a man, as any woman would. How would I be judged, would I be considered just a ‘nice’ man, or interesting, or what? Did being an artist contribute to my glamour or make me less attractive. See him as honestly as you can and then ask yourself whether you could fall in love with him…with me as I was then. Only once you have done so, as honestly as you can, then do the same with the Robert of today. Now try to place them side by side and ask yourself, what changed, why can you love me now? Am I that different, or is it a combination of ways I have changed and ways you have changed?

I suspect you’ll discover that the Dominique of that time could not have loved me - and maybe Cherine, the way you do now. You see, it was necessary that we both suffer a bit so that we can grow to be the people we are today. If you find I am right, then I think the past will not torture you any more and you’ll be glad to accept the Dominique you have become - and the Dominique who is capable of loving Cherine without having to doubt who you are.”

“Roberto, you have, in a way, avoided answering my questions. You have only given me more questions and thoughts to torment me with.”

“Maybe it is the best way for you to find the answer that is truly yours.”

She gave a nervous laugh. “Then I am going to repay you, tit for tat, you say in England? I know almost nothing of the abilities you lost. But there is something that does not make sense to me.” She looked at me, hesitantly, perhaps afraid of my pulling one of my withdrawal tricks and her being blamed by everyone. I shrugged to indicate she should carry on. “Last night what you did. How did you do it? If you cannot receive her emoting, how did you feel her pain. Gosh but that was loud eh? It scared me. But how did you hear it if you are burnt out as you said. How did you feel my pain, which was not so strong?”

I stared at her as the shock of the possibilities ran through me. She giggled, happy to see her words, her ideas have such an effect on me. “Close your mouth Roberto, you look like a fish” she teased. I struck the palm of my hand to my forehead.

“Out of the mouth of babes and all that.” As she muttered a sarcastic ‘thank you’ I smiled at her. “You are a genius. Thank you love, you have given me hope again.” As I thought about it I suddenly realised another possibility. “Maybe we are wrong. It could be that my own gift of feeling both of you, as if your body were mine, is returning. I want it back, even if it is going to cause us problems again. But it is not the same as being able to receive her emoting. It does not make us one, as emoting does. It still leaves that emptiness within me. I need that Dominique. I crave it each and every second.” I took a deep breath and shook my head. “We will have to wait and see.”

“I don’t think so, I do not see how you can get the one back without the other. Surely the second one evolved from the first one?”

I reached for her. “Give me your dirty paw. I want to kiss you very badly…but, I guess I’ll just have to be satisfied,” I said as I took hold of her hand, “with licking it clean.”

“Roberto, not in public!”

“Why do you think the word public has ‘lick’ in it?” I brought her hand to my lips, kissed it and turning it over kissed within her palm. As my lips kissed, my tongue softly licked her.

“Roberto that tickles.” But she was flushing with happiness, the happiness a woman feels at being loved by the man she loves.

Next Post 024