A Love Written of by an Artist **.** Robert Grows & Dies

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Chapter Sixteen

After Christmas, after such a perfect day, Marian changed, reverting to almost the person she had been before. Dommi and I were very discrete and Cherine spent time with her, but as her mind hardened again, Cherine went to her more reluctantly. Since we had been allowed to enjoy Christmas Eve on our own, as a family, we did not ask for more time on our own and pretended to be looking forward to spending New Years Eve with Alki and Marian.

When Cherine told us that her mother is angry with us again, I guessed that she is only staying and trying to be nice to us because of Alki. I’m certain she finds it difficult to cut off all ties with him, for life is hard and she must keep her options open, just in case she ever needs his help. I was careful not to let Cherine sense my thoughts, for she is still hoping her mother will revert once more to the mother she loves and wants.

We celebrated New Years Eve in Greek style at an island club-taverna. It is not one of those solely built for the tourists, though they rarely open during the winter, and most of the villagers were present. The music continued until the morning hours, alternating between bouzouki, with plates being thrown, and international dance music. After two in the morning they mostly played blues.

Marian got drunk and poor Cherine was embarrassed. Her mother kept talking to strangers about her special baby girl. Luckily most of the Greeks who stopped at our table to greet Alki, were not interested in the drunken babbling of a foreign woman. I suspect they feel that being polite to obnoxious foreigners in the summer is all that should be expected of them.

I cannot believe I was so wrong about her. I had really believed that Marian is the one person we can depend on, in our efforts to protect Cherine. To have her blurting out to everyone her daughter’s secrets, I literally could have happily harmed her in physical ways, just to shut her up! I could sense Cherine did not want me to say or do anything, so I tried to concentrate only on the three people I care about the most. At least Alki was able to contain some of the damage, but I could tell he was getting annoyed with her and only being patient for Cherine’s sake.

I am not normally much of a drinker, I hate the feeling of being drunk, of losing control, but with two young ladies to look after, who do not drink, I was not about to drink at all. The truth is, I was also afraid to. A number of scenarios crossed my mind. I lose my ‘gift’. I get tipsy and make Cherine tipsy and she loses control of her gift. My ‘gift’ gets out of hand - and so on. Now that I write of it, it does occur to me that once we are alone, maybe we should try it as an experiment, so that we know what happens.

I’m glad I did not drink, but for a different reason. Cherine admitted later that she was grateful she had the two of us to ‘anchor’ her, but especially me, as she was picking up all the emotions from the people surrounding us and some of them were especially drunk and nasty. The sad comment was that it seemed the nastiest were from the married couples who were pretending to be devoted to each other.

It also seems that most people do not see the start of a new year as a promise or even a possibility of a promise of them correcting their lives; they pretend to, but emotionally they are mentally fixated on their past and the sadness of it having flashed by without achieving any of those things they had hoped for during the previous years.

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Alki was our main support. He did drink, mostly watered down whiskey, for his liver he likes to claim. However, drink only brought out the sweetness in him and no stranger would know he has been affected by the drinks. I found it difficult to reconcile his gentleness with his track record of coming from poverty to being one of the hundred richest Greeks - I read it in an article, Alki never discusses his wealth and neither would we even think of asking him. With his acquaintances who came to greet him, I was pleased to see that most of them were just normal villagers, he showed off Cherine, asking her many times throughout the night to repeat for his friends, “tell them what my little English girl calls me” and she would dutifully, and patiently, and with a smile of love, tell them, “pappou Alki”.

Cherine told us her new year resolution is ‘not to hurt Robert again’. I told her she has already broken it - she hurt me with the love I felt for her when she said that. She was not amused and pulled a face, maybe to show me she was not taken in by my glibness. Dominique did not want to say, but when Alki pressed her, she replied, ‘to stop being afraid to love’. My second pain of the evening. I quickly got in, ‘And you Alki?’.

His answer caught me by surprise. “To look after my family.”

“Alki, you’ve been hiding this from me? I didn’t know you had a family.”

“Oh yes I do, I have an English son and daughter and a Greek daughter.”

That was my third pain of the night.

I would not tell them mine for a long time. Finally Cherine started touching herself and emoting to all and sundry her sexual arousal. It certainly began to change the atmosphere of the taverna. I told her she was using unfair tactics, using my fear for her against me and she stopped, though she was chagrined by my adult stuffiness. I had to relent and told them I have not vowed anything new, just reconfirmed to myself something that is always in my heart. I had resolved to always do my best to deserve their love. Cherine felt I was cheating.

Nobody asked Marian as she was already sozzled, but she was determined not to be left out. She volunteered hers. She announced she has resolved to find a way to spend much more time with her Cher. On that dampening note the conversation terminated.

I felt Cherine was aching from sitting on the hard chair and sleepy, but when I suggested we go home, she, as any normal kid would, wanted to stay. I waited half an hour and at 3.30 a.m. asked Alki in Greek to say he is very tired and to ask the girls if we can go home. Neither of the girls would think of saying no to their ‘pappou’ as he has now been officially designated.

Not surprisingly, Marian wanted to stay, so Alki paid, asked that any further drinks she orders be put on a tab for him to pay the next day, and we then left her. As we were about to go, putting on our overcoats, she admonished Cherine, in a voice too loud, “You go to sleep in our bedroom, you hear?”

Cherine was overtired and left the club crying. Once we were outside I picked her up, holding her tightly. Trying to jolly her out of her misery, I told her not to worry, her mother will only come in the early morning, so she can sleep in my arms for at least a couple of hours, then I will carry her to her mother’s room. When she did not respond, I ended by reminding her there is no danger of being caught by surprise, as she is monitoring her mother.

“I’m not. I hate doing it. It’s horrible.” Her comment was not immediately clear to all, but, from past experience, I understood.

“Is it a hard mind?”

“Yes.” She buried her head in my shoulder.

Alki asked, “What is it Roberto?”

“She needs to sleep in my arms, at least for a couple of hours. I must also be asleep for it to be of full benefit to her - and me. Usually she is able to ‘watch’ her mother and to have enough warning if she is about to catch us together. Tonight she is overtired and her mother’s mind is not a nice place to be. I don’t know what to do.”

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“You take her to sleep. Just sleep, you hear me. Leave the matter to me.”

“What will you do?”

“Very simple. She has the key and remote, but the door has a very strong chain.” He winked at me. “Until the poor old man shuffles his way downstairs to open, she will be safely in her bed, like every morning, nai?”

“Nai. Thank you.”

We undressed Cherine on the bed, put her little pyjamas in a handy place and undressing, we lay to either side of her, holding her and each other as we slept. I could sense how the warmth of our bodies was a comfort to Cherine, while our size helped her feel safe. Alki did not wake us till after ten.

Marian has not returned.

Sitting on the verandah, because of the sun coming out, we all shared a few moments over coffee and toast, except Cherine who had her cereal and egg. She resented it, but I was adamant - and she obeyed because she enjoys feeling me being a ‘daddy’. I was enjoying my breakfast, for Alki had found out I love honey in its honeycomb and had managed to get a supply. I thoroughly enjoyed it, even though I was also tasting the cereal and egg. Out of necessity I am slowly getting the hang of it, of putting her in a separate compartment with her own signature.

I discussed this new development with Alki. He was very interested and asked a number of questions, but when I gave him his present, all wrapped up, he forgot everything else as he stared at the picture. We then had to tell him all about it, about the sequels I am already trying to work on. When I told him about Dominique’s comment, her recognising it as Cherine’s soul, his face glowed in recognition and he tried to return it to me, but we could feel how much he wanted to keep it.

“Alki, it is not mine to give, so I cannot take it back. Cherine wanted you to have it as a gift from her. I did explain to her that it is a part of a series, so you will use it for the business. She does not mind, she’s just happy to know you own the original. I need you to arrange something for me though. I want all payments on the first and all the rest of the series, except this one, to be made to a Trust. Can you arrange such a Trust for us? I want you and Dominique to be the trustees until she is an adult. Her mother must be excluded from having any rights; as a matter of fact, I would prefer she not know about it.”

Cherine was not very interested as she did not understand what a Trust is.

Alki smiled, taking a dig at me even as he spoke of the feelings in his heart. “If you manage to complete the series, you are going to make her a very rich woman. I am honoured that you asked me and very proud of you Robert.”

Now her pert little face came alive. This was something she understood.

As Alki carefully re-wrapped the picture, he pointed out to me, “Under Greek law we have a problem. Dominique is not twenty one yet.”

“I do not want a Greek Trust. I suggest Isle of Man, or whatever other offshore Trust your attorneys recommend.”

“Good thinking. From when can she have…no, today is not the day to discuss such details. We discuss it with the legal people. Now Cherinaki tell me, why your eyes are so bright suddenly?”

“You said I’m going to be rich.”

“That is true. You want to be rich?”

“Yes!!”

Dominique tousled her hair. “Cher you are already rich.”

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“I’m talking about money!”

“So am I. You forget my little sister, we are family now. Whatever Robert and I have already belongs to you. You only have to tell us what you want.”

“Anything?”

“Yes my love.”

I cut in, “No. Not anything. I will be the final judge on that.” She felt the strict mood I was in, but decided to ignore it or test me.

She asked Dommi, “But if it is your money and I want something, you can give it to me, Robert doesn’t have to say yes, does he?”

“Cher, I said all our money belongs to all of us. But even if I had not, do you think I would go against Roberto? Would you, really?”

“No.” I could see it hurt her to admit it. Dominique was not about to let it go at that though.

“Cherine, to me a man must be the boss of the family. I am telling you now, I adore you, but I will never side with you against him. He is a very rare and special man. If he says ‘no’ then it is no, on anything he says. I have trusted him with my life, with my name. Do you think I could ever say I do not trust him on anything else?”

“I am sorry Robert, I was silly. You will not say ‘no’ if I really want something.”

“I may. Whatever you are, in other matters you are still a child. A brilliant child but still…however, anything you need, that is another matter. I would never say ‘no’.”

If anyone had previously asked me, I think I would have said I would want my woman to be a modern woman, since I also believe in equality of the sexes, yet, when Dommi said what she did, I found myself overcome with love for her. Now that I had dealt with Cherine and her expectations, I stood up and going to Dominique, I stood behind her and putting my arms around her shoulders, I leaned over to kiss her, to thank her.

As I was lowering my face to her, my heart was bursting with love and gratitude for her presence and my strongest need was to feel her inside my mind, to become one with her. Cherine tried to help and I was struck by a blinding flash of light. I collapsed over her and slid to the floor.

PART THREE

Chapter Seventeen

As I opened my eyes I saw above me Alki holding Cherine, and Dommi slouched in her chair, face ashen. They were both still unconscious. As I moved, he sighed. “Roberto what happened? What do we do? Are you alright?”

“I don’t know. Oh god, I’m alone!”

Though I was still woozy I raised myself in a panic. I could see Dominique was coming around, but Cherine was still out. She was not emoting. As I was reaching her, I suddenly realised my gift is still working. I could still sense what her body is feeling, though largely muted. She was alive! I staggered in relief. Her eyes were just opening as I stood next to Dominique. I laid my hand on her shoulder to give her a reassuring squeeze. I was hit by another flash and crumbled again.

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This second ‘attack’ or whatever it was, did not have the same strength, but we all were weaker. I crawled back to Cherine, without touching Dominique this time. Again Dominique recovered first, her eyes were full of fear, but all my body, my every atom was straining at reaching Cherine. I could feel myself beginning to dissolve without her, with the fear of losing her.

When she finally stirred, her eyes fluttering, I knew I could wait for her now. Gingerly I touched her with a fingertip. No flash. I hugged her to me, my mind crying for her. In the middle of it she reconnected us and they all heard me, including Alki. It was a cry of agony and infinite yearning, of terror, the cry of a baby abandoned. It was the cry of a soul torn apart.

I fell to my knees in front of her, my face in her lap as she lay on Alki. I was racked by my sobs, but yet my mind was able to send her such a raw blast of love and need for her that she reeled. Because of her weakened state, her daze, she did not mute her sharing with Dominique and Alki felt it too.

On wobbly legs we moved into the house, Alki shepherding us, so that the neighbours do not see any more. As we collapsed onto our seats, I was already feeling what is different. With difficulty I tried to explain the little I understood.

“I’m sorry. It was all my fault.” I breathed harshly, trying to carry on. “The power that came to me Cherine, when you kicked me, that is responsible. It seems to have connected a part of my brain, like opening a new door. Because we were already connected so deeply, it felt like a natural extension of our union. As I went to Dominique, to give her a hug and kiss for filling me with so much love, you sensed my feelings and multiplied them and I presume sent them to Dominique. She did not know I was yearning, from the deepest part of my heart, for me to be able to sense her, directly experience what I call her signature. Last night my behaviour had stirred up a cauldron, my paternal, maybe even maternal, instincts were raging, looking for a way to solve the problem, as I see this gift as an important way for me to protect my two girls. It is much more than just a way to spy on your physical sensations.

I think all this, with the help of Cherine, opened another door in my brain. But here was no person already attuned to me, this was relatively a stranger. I had experienced her soul, the heart of her being, but it had been second-hand. My subconscious I think fought it off as an attack on me. When that flash struck me, it was trying to close the door. It managed to close it to a large extent. So when I touched you Dominique, and your sensation of being touched tried to come to me, we had the second attack. If we had not already been weakened, if we had known what to expect, we could have controlled it I think.

Cherine, you were hit the hardest and that is your fault. You have been so terrified of something happening to me, you have been extending yourself to absorb and prevent any damage to me. Am I right?…I thought so. I should have been the hardest hit, yet both of you were hit harder. Thank god you were not linked to Alki.

Dominique, my prayers have been answered. I am now connected to you. I can vaguely feel you sitting there. I can feel from Cherine your arm around ‘me’. I can also feel ‘my’ arm around Cherine. The signal from Cherine is far stronger, but I think the door to you has not been fully opened yet. I’m afraid that if I try to reach you, or touch you, we will be hit again. I should imagine the attacks will keep getting weaker until the door is permanently opened.” I stopped, giving her a minute to think about it.

“I suspect that if I do not touch you, with mind or body, if I ignore you, so to speak, the door will close and your presence will fade. It could be a blessing my love. Don’t look hurt, having an option available to you is a blessing, as it means we can sit back and give you the time to make your own choice.

You saw the instant reaction of Cherine when it happened with her, this new union. For one, she is still a child, still flexible where you and I are not. Secondly, we were already so closely linked that again, when she lost her contact with me I felt myself dissolving, only the knowledge that she is still alive saved me, gave me the strength to fight back, to wait for her. To her, as is the truth for me, anything that brings us closer to being one soul, one heart, is natural. I bet my subconscious has given up that fight and will not try to keep us apart, just as it cannot bear for us to be apart. For me it will be wonderful if the same happens with you.

I have spoken of what Cherine and I would want, but we must also consider what you will want, what is acceptable to you. From a certain viewpoint, as most normal people would think of it, if you agree to stay, you have a lot to lose Dominique. You will never again feel you have any privacy. Whatever you do will become part of us. You must think of the little you get back and decide if it is worth losing so much. If you scratch your bum, I will be doing it with you. You let out a fart secretly in company, I will be doing it with you. I know you are a very private person. Can you honestly say you are prepared to make the sacrifice so as to be with us, a part of us?

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What I will say next is not a proven fact, but it does make sense to me and I think is likely to happen. I believe that with time, both of you, if you stay, will also be able to share my body from me and from each other. It is an important development, my love, almost what we could call a natural progression, for when it happens, it means I will no longer be sharing from you, we will be sharing from each other. Then nobody will feel they are being spied on.”

Cherine was sitting stiffly, her mind sending me screams of protest, I could feel her/my nails digging into her/my palms. She feared I was trying to push Dommi away, because she knows how conservative Dommi is. Of course I do not want to, but, unfortunately I have to if she is going to become miserable by staying. From an ethical point of view, her decision must be an informed decision, or else we will not be worthy of her love.

“Cherine you must stop monitoring Dominique right now, please stop! No last gift of love, nothing to influence her. Just stop right now! Dommi we will wait for you. I think it is best you go upstairs to be by yourself so that you can think without being influenced by us. Reach into yourself deeply so as to sense how you really feel about becoming one with us. I know what a narcotic the love you have shared is, but if you feel you will start to feel enslaved, used, unhappy about not being your own person anymore, then it is better you say so now.

I do not think it means you must never be with us. Once the path is permanently closed between us you can return. But it does mean we must always be vigilant that we do not draw you in too far again.

You do not need me to say how much we love you. I am certain you have actually felt how strong Cherine’s love is. Dommi, you are the warmth in our love. You are the one that keeps us honest, so that we always see ourselves as we are, not as we wish to imagine ourselves. You are mother to Cherine, the mother nature should have given her. You are even mother to me. You are sister and lover. You fill a multitude of places in our hearts, but we must only have you with us if you have absolutely no reservations. Go with our blessing and love.”

Cherine sent me a mental wail. Because I sensed my weakness and how easily I could give in, stupidly, instead of showing I care and bolstering her, I sent her a steely coldness, masking, hiding my own anxiety. I felt her shock - that I could feel that way about her.

She stopped, her pain freezing for a second and then, for the first time, she gave me a look of hatred. I hid behind my shield of coldness. She will not see me this time, I vowed, I will not allow her to sense my weaknesses and pain while she is looking into me without love. I was grateful to Alki for not interfering, but when he got up to move towards Cherine, my eyes warned him. He must have sensed my reasons, for he sat down again, not happy, but I think deciding to trust me.

Even while Dommi was still walking out the door, dazed and in shock, there was a cold feeling of emptiness in the room. I thought, Cherine will never forgive me if this does not work, if she leaves. I was hoping that this cold absence of love would be felt by Dommi also. I knew how difficult it is to live even minutes without love, once anyone has had a taste of it. She has shared so many special moments of being one with us, of being part of our love, can she really live without it? Yes, I felt we had a good chance of her choosing to stay with us, but, I strongly believed, she has to at least have the illusion of choice - and yet I was still terrified she might choose to leave.

I vowed to myself that I will do all I can to never allow anyone, not Cherine and especially not Dominique, if she decides to leave us, know that my connection with her already exists. If she leaves, it will probably become a curse that hangs heavy on my soul. To know her so intimately, but not to have her as part of our lives, how can I bear it? I knew that if she has other men in her life I will be her, experiencing the lovemaking as her. I will have to adapt, change the way I think, so as to be happy for her and not turn myself into a green-eyed voyeur. I’m not that confident I can, unless Cherine finds a way to help me. If it comes to that, I’ll have to admit the truth to Cherine and ask her to help me change.

Cherine, with the impatience of youth expected an answer within minutes. I had to explain to her that I would not be happy, would not accept such an answer if she decides to stay, if it is given without due consideration. She must weigh all the pros and cons and be absolutely certain in her heart.

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At last Alki backed me on this. Then she attacked me on my confrontation with Dominique, why had I done it? Even with the help of Alki, I do not think I was able to convince her. It worried me, if Dominique leaves us, Cherine will hold it against me. I could not bear the thought of her heart holding the tiniest sliver of resentment against me. As close as we are, I would feel that sliver stabbing into my heart all day.

Alki wanted to take us out for a walk in town, to the beach, for a meal, anything to get us out, but neither of us had the heart to leave. We needed to be here should our Dommi want to come to us. I was constantly with Dommi. At first she had lain down and cried. I could feel a physical pain in her chest. Love was hurting her. I had to struggle with my urge to take away her pain. Later, maybe, if she decides to leave. The hours passed and dusk arrived.

“I wonder where your mother is?” Alki asked. “I’m getting worried.”

I looked at Cherine. She just sat there, her face drawn. She was emoting the minimum she could, just barely keeping me connected to her. The question by Alki had awoken a feeling of danger in me. “Cherine, have you checked on your mother?”

She did not answer, not even by looking at me, her face a cold mask and her hands still bunched as fists. If I could have only felt the faintest ache to be held I would have rushed over. Her emotions were icy cold on the surface and I did not know what to do. The room grew dark and Alki put on the lights. Poor man, what problems we have brought into his life.

I felt Dominique get up and from her actions I was able to finally work out that she is packing her suitcase. The ache in her with the actions I’d deduced made it all clear in one heartrending moment. I felt the bottom of my world drop away. I had one short second to see Cherine’s startled face and cry out one word before I was snatched in a storm that tore me away into stygian darkness. It was not a cry for help. It was not even a cry for love. It was a final cry of despair, begging for forgiveness.

“Cherine!!”

Next Post 021

Robert is dead. Can Cherine save him?

I hope you enjoy reading this story of fantasy, adventure and love. Yes, most of all, always of empathy and love.