On My Birthday(I started writing in steemit not to express my feelings)

Everybody needs inspiration. Everybody needs a song."

I got that line from Miley Cyrus' famous song When I Look At You.

Don't get me wrong. This is not a lovestory.

This is a story of the best birthday present I had in my life.

My inspiration and my song.

I started writing in steemit not to express my feelings, not to impress people with my writing skills, not to inspire others, and not to be called a writer.

I started writing in steemit for a very simple reason. To create my own journal. To save my life. And to preserve my soul. Why? It is a very long story.

And to tell you honestly, it isn't the story you would like to hear.

However, steemit gave me a different ambiance.

It gave me an environment I never thought I could ever find.

The world for me is nothing but a dark room with loud voices.

The days in this world is only a transformation of time. And time became a death clock. Where I can't catch up,yet I would have to be or else nothing will happen.

And for me, if nothing happens then consider me dead.

In the pace of time, I could not survive.

In the pace of time, I could not live.

And life is the biggest agony to me. It was never fair and always cruel.

They say that to live is to suffer and to survive is to find meaning in the suffering.

Yet so far, I've only lived to suffer and suffering had always been meaningless.

That's how I lived my life for a very long time.

However, when I thought that God has forsaken me so much, a new circle found me in the midst of the blizzard.

I was lost in track yet they found me on time.

And the moment I opened my eyes, I found myself in the home of this steemit Community.

I never thought that it would be my new beginning.

In this community, I found the first man to trust. I never trusted men before because they are monsters to me and my history. Yet, I got to know him and that was the first time someone understood my difference, my character, and my world. For the first time, I made a man enter my void.

And then, I started reading the words of others. Since I was immuned with my own words, the words of other writers delivered a new sensation to me. It was amazingly warm. And I love it. It was like someone patted my heart for the first time and said, "You survived the first few years of this lifetime. You did a good job".

I was contented with just the two of them being my virtual friends in this community.

Or I thought I was..

As time passed by, the dark world I used to live in had a glimpsed of twilight.

As the days passed, the sun was no longer a gunshot to my soul but a blink to my heart. Warming my body each and everyday, feeding my poor soul with happiness, clearing my mind with light I thought I could never have.

When the night comes, the cold breeze was no longer a chilling sensation in my heart but a summer time sadness I came to understand. The moon was no longer my cave from the world but my treasure. The night doesn't have to last any longer for it makes me look forward to the next days and further...

The stars in the sky seemed to shine brighter than it ever did. And like Jennifer Niven's words, the dark blue sky became "all the colors in one at full brightness".

The sufferings are there but are now lighter.

The thoughts of giving up started to fade and the real war of survival started to fire.

The numbness of my body was washed out by laughters of voices I thought I could never understand. And now I do.

And the life that pushed me down is now pulling me back up to fight.

I still have those suicidal thoughts, I won't deny. But this time my mind found its own reasons to fight for life and overcome suicide. Steemit is no longer just a journal of the broken soul, it became the home of thousand lost souls.

Steemit is no longer just a writing medium of frustrated writers, it became the world of the missing ones.

Steemit did not only gather all the talented hands, but gathered a family of inspiration even for hands who refuse to write out their hearts.

On my birthday, this became my greatest gift.

A home where I found another missing soul.

A home where I found another rejected heart.

A home where the world seems limitless.

A home where I started to cry.

A home where I started to have a glimpse of light.

A home where I belong.

A home I can finally call my own.

And I want to thank all the other writers of this community for opening your hearts to the world beyond our world.

To the void deeper than their void.

I was inspired.

I was brought to life.

And to all who continues to write, thank you for keeping up the fire and the light.

For the first time in my life I was able to face a faceless Great God

and I whispered,

"Oh God. I am glad to be alive."

Image source: https://pixabay.com and https://giphy.com, https://steemit.com